Esquire articles from June 2007

Esquire archives from June 2007

In the April issue, we noted the many charms of Hilary Swank and profiled firebrand Republican senator Chuck Hagel.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... In the April issue, we noted the many charms of Hilary Swank and profiled firebrand Republican senator Chuck Hagel. We handed out the 2007 Esky Music Awards, forcing Iggy Pop and Hubert Sumlin into our Hall of Fame. And perhaps most important,...

Thank you, Senator Hagel.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
June 1, 2007... In April, contributing editor Charles P. Pierce profiled war veteran, committed conservative, and increasingly dissident senator Chuck Hagel ("Before This Is Over, You Might See Calls for His Impeachment"). If you can read about Hagel's...

Music awards that aren't Grammys.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
June 1, 2007... For the third year in a raw, we handed out our own music awards, the Eskys, and inducted three notable artists into our Hall of Fame (The 2007 Esky Music Awards, April). Your 2007 Hall of Fame choices show you've got a lot more taste than...

How to open a beer with this magazine.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... Fold the spine of the magazine so that a half inch of the cover, including the spine, is folded on top of itself. Squeeze it very tight. Then, gripping the bottleneck very close to the cap with only your thumb and index finger (see figure),...

Esquire and me: a subscriber's story.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
June 1, 2007... THE FIRST TIME I canceled my subscription was in the early seventies, when you said the best time to shave was before a bath or shower. The second time was in the eighties, when we were told to wear a belt with a suit "only if [we] want to be...

Next month: cocaine. Lots and lots of cocaine.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
June 1, 2007... In an attempt to determine if alcohol provided more inspiration or impediment to creativity, writer Kendall Hamilton wrote six essays, at increasing levels of inebriation ("The Drunken Philosopher," April). Every month, there's something...

A letter about a letter.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
June 1, 2007... April's This Wag In included a letter from Kyle Moore, a reader from Burbank, California, about a set of articles devoted to sex (The State of Sex, February). He accused us of describing a "simmering smorgasbord of sexual delight" that didn't...

Honorary best bars.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... AS WE PRESENT the second installment of "The Best Bars in America," which begins on page 101, we'd like to honor the following establishments for their hospitality, service, and clean restrooms. * Stubb's Bar-B-Que AUSTIN BACK IN...

How to open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... Find a towel and a smooth wall. Wrap the base of the bottle in a towel. Hold the bottle horizontally and proceed to rhythmically pound it base-first against the wall. Be firm, not violent. As the wine sloshes forward with each impact, it will...

Is this issue useful?(This Way In: EDITOR'S LETTER)
June 1, 2007... MAN, I HOPE SO. We've been busting our asses to come up with little bits of advice and instruction that might actually improve a man's life. Whether all the little bits of advice you'll find on most of the pages of this issue teach you...

How to make the perfect batch of margaritas.(The Useful Part)(Recipe)
June 1, 2007... Stir vigorously with some ice: 2 1/3 cups 1800 Anejo tequila. 1 cup Cointreau. 3/4 cup fresh-squeezed lime juice, 1/4 cup simple syrup. Pour over ice or strain into martini glasses. It's enough for 8 drinks.

How to reserve a table at a good place.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... Very kindly say that you "need" a table. Never ask. And do it in one sentence: "Hello, dear, I need your best table for four at eight tonight." Be concise, respectful, and charming. If they tell you the only thing they have is 10:15, tell them...

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
June 1, 2007... I disagree with Chuck Klosterman's assertion that the drug propanolol can make memories less painful (Chuck Klosterman's America, April). I have ingested fifty-four thousand tablets (one twenty-milligram tablet, four times a day, for...

"The rebuilding" primer.(The Useful Part)(constructing the World Trade Center)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... The fourth installment of Scott Raab's series on the rebuilding at ground zero, "The Steel," begins on page 90. The story so far: "The Foundation," September 2005: Larry Silverstein holds the lease, but he needs the cooperation of governor...

Joe Woolhead: photographer: "The Steel".(Those Responsible)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... * Joe Woolhead Photographer: "The Steel," page 90 "I BECAME a professional photographer on 9/11," says Dublin native Joe Woolhead. The former construction worker jumped on the subway the moment the planes hit and headed down to the site...

Useful advice from a beautiful woman.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Front)(Mandy Moore)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... As told by MANDY MOORE Take baby powder to the beach to get sand off your skin. Put dryer sheets in your pockets to keep mosquitoes away. And if you always keep two pillowcases on a pillow, it makes it easier to change the sheets if you...

The leisure meter: how to allocate your free time.(MAN AT HIS BEST: THE FRONT)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... JUNE Howling at Knocked Up (June 1), the follow-up from 40-Year-Old Virgin director Judd Apatow, about an irresponsible slacker (Seth Rogen) who impregnates a one-night stand (Katherine Heigl) and struggles to become a fit parent. 2 hours...

How to buy her a bra.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... If you're not sure what style she likes, get her one of the new "convertibles." Most lines offer them--they come with removable straps in multiple colors.

Acting nuts: in Bug, newcomer Michael Shannon delivers the scariest portrayal of insanity since psycho.(THE FRONT: THE SCREEN)
June 1, 2007... IF YOU SAW WORLD TRADE CENTER, Michael Shannon has already startled you. Cutting through the movie's air of noble restraint like a machete through gauze, he portrayed real-life rescuer and ex-marine Dave Karnes. With the unnerving intensity of...

Crazy love: speaking of the insane ...(THE FRONT: THE SCREEN)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy has lye thrown in girl's face, blinding her for life, and goes to prison for 14 years. Boy gets paroled and marries girl. It's a familiar yarn--either the plot of one of Nicholas Sparks's early, PCP-fueled...

Q&A: Thomas Haden Church.(THE FRONT: THE SCREEN)(Interview)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... AFTER THE PLUG WAS PULLED on his short-lived TV series Ned and Stacey, Thomas Haden Church bought a 2,000-acre cattle ranch outside Kerrville, Texas, and retired from Hollywood. Except he didn't. "I don't know where those rumors came from,"...

How to tune your guitar to Metallica's "Enter Sandman".(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... If you don't have a guitar tuner but do have a copy of Metallica's eponymous "black" album handy, you can tune your bottom E string to the first open E note of "Enter Sandman" (track 1). Skip to "Nothing Else Matters" (track 8) for the open G....

How not to get bedbugs.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... If you travel, at some point you'll come into contact with bedbugs. The common thing is you get home from your trip, dump your suitcase on the bed, take everything out, and put your feet up and relax. If there were any bedbugs hiding in your...

Beyond the shits and grins, what use is entertainment?(THE 30-DAY FORECAST: THE DOYLE REPORT)(summer movies)
June 1, 2007... LITERATURE, of course, can entertain and edify, and stabilize furniture. Music has charms to soothe our savage beast, and drown out the ugly grunts and squeaks of our rutting. And film, some films, can rattle our brainpan, shaking us out of our...

The complaint: the Shrek movies.(THE FRONT: THE SCREEN)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... WHEN FUTURE FILM HISTORIANS comb through the Happy Meal detritus of the 21st century, trying to figure out what killed animation as an art form, will they recognize the corrosive influence of the Shrek movies? Will anybody even remember a time...

The man who invented 9/11: Don DeLillo has been writing novels about crowds and mass isolation for four decades. So what happens when life catches up with his fiction?(THE FRONT: BOOKS)(Falling Man )(Book review)
June 1, 2007... WITH FALLING MAN (Scribner, $26), Don DeLillo takes his crack at the post-9/11 novel, and, God knows, there's no one in our literature who has done more to earn the right. After all, he's been insisting for as long as he's been writing that...

Meet Joe Strummer ... the most important man in the history of rock (for now).(THE FRONT: MUSIC)(Chris Salewicz's Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... THE LEGACY PART IS EASY. The cross-pollination of music genres over the past two decades can be directly laid at the doorstep of Joe Strummer, lead singer of the Clash. His ability to make the political personal (check "Straight to Hell" for...

The hi-hat: underrated instrument of the month.(THE FRONT: MUSIC)(Battles' Mirrored)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... THE ROCK LAB COATS in the largely instrumental band Battles have devised a formula for the hi-hat cymbal to take a turn as lead singer. The band, which is releasing its exuberantly experimental first full-length album, Mirrored, has a way of...

Do you trust your friends?, Stars.(GOOD MUSIC)(Set Yourself on Fire)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... A song-for-song redo of the Canadian supergroup's 2004 album, Set Yourself on Fire, that features contributions from the Dears and Apostle of Hustle and leaves you wanting to re-examine the original

Boxer, The National.(GOOD MUSIC)(Sound recording review)
June 1, 2007... Matt Berninger's deep baritone and deep thoughts are better fit for worship than Arcade Fire's Neon Bible: This album's got all the meditations on love and war and none of the whining about newfound fame.

Wagonmaster, Porter Wagoner.(GOOD MUSIC)
June 1, 2007... At 79, Mr. Grand Ole Opry is having a frisky comeback. Not since Johnny Cash has anyone sung about Satan--and prayed for redemption--quite so powerfully.

How to overcome stage fright.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... 1. Stay positive. I used to focus on the people who weren't liking the show. I'd think my performance was something it wasn't. 2. Be inspired. On my guitar pedal board, I keep pictures of Einstein, Marley, and Marilyn Monroe for courage. 3. See...

The Italian shoulder.(OBSESSION OF THE MONTH)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... YOU CAN TELL a lot about a man by his shoulders. His confidence, his cool, his chances in a bar fight--they're all right there, wrapped up and written all over the slopes and planes of his upper body. The shoulders of a suit jacket, meanwhile,...

The four essential suits: what every man needs, in the order he needs it.(THE GUIDE: STYLE)
June 1, 2007... THE STAPLE Start with navy blue. It's formal enough for all manner of buttoned-up business, and it's way classier than black. Two-button wool suit ($984) and cotton shirt ($139) by Paul Stuart; silk tie ($135) by Seaward & Stearn; silk...

The right fit: how jackets and trousers should break, fall, sit, fit, and look their best.(THE GUIDE: STYLE)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... THE TROUSER BOTTOM Only a little cloth should ever drape on your shoes; ask your tailor for a one-inch break in your front crease. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THE BUTTONS There should be no creases or ripples radiating from the...

The $5,000 wardrobe: part 4 (of 10), ties.(THE GUIDE: STYLE)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... THERE'S NO SUCH THING as a tie that's right for every occasion. Sorry, there just isn't. The good news, however, is that a man can survive on three ties alone. A dark stripe, a bright solid, and a subtle pattern like the ones shown here are...

Image matters: you've got the high-def TV. Here are two camcorders that will show it off.(THE GUIDE: THE DIGITAL MAN)(Canon PowerShot TX1 and Panasonic HDC-SD1 )(Product/service evaluation)
June 1, 2007... I'VE BEEN PRODUCING and directing a television pilot for ABC called Pushing Daisies. It's about a guy who discovers at the age of eight that he has the ability to bring dead things back to life, but only for a minute. If he lets them live...

Can a vibrator desensitize my girlfriend to the point that I can't please her? If so, how would we get things back to normal?(THE GUIDE: SEX)
June 1, 2007... You mention this word normal. Have you ever considered that maybe your girlfriend spent her summers on her grandmother's dildo farm, where the family would gather on the porch, snapping the fresh crop of butt plugs by the bushel? Have you? Most...

Smart mice, burying fake boobs & how to fudge a job interview.(THE GUIDE: ANSWER FELLA)
June 1, 2007... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, hell find out who does or who has a guess...

Radio is history; in 1980, one song presciently canonized everything that is great about listening to the radio. In 2007, those qualities face extinction.(Chuck Klosterman's AMERICA)
June 1, 2007... WHEN LIBERAL, SELF-LOATHING AMERICANS travel abroad, they often carve maple leaves into their fleshy jowls and pretend to be Canadian. This, theoretically, makes them seem less rude and warlike when encountering Europeans. Personally, I have...

How to win at rock-paper-scissors.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... This is a con I read about twenty-five years ago in Chuck Wielgus and Alexander Wolff's The In-Your-Face Basketball Book, but it continues to work with unprecedented success: The next time you have to settle a minor dispute, challenge your...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... 1. When you hug a woman at the end of a date, if you have any romantic intentions whatsoever, do not "bro-pat" her on the back. 2. If you are fortunate enough to have a girlfriend not wear underwear with her sexy black dress, do not...

How to massage a woman's foot.(The Useful Part)(Brief article)
June 1, 2007... 1. Warm the lotion. 2. Starting at her heel, slide both thumbs up and out to her outside toes. Repeat, each time with a slightly narrower V, until your thumbs meet. If she's ticklish, use more pressure. 3. When your thumbs are about to...

The road trip: eight cars. Seven states. Thirty-six hundred miles. A journey across the automotive landscape in search of answers to life's most pressing questions, like: Will Porsche kill the greatest sports-car debut in decades? Can Toyota get some Texas respect? How well will the new Cadillac compete against the German big boys? And so many crossovers--what the hell?(THE ROAD TRIP)
June 1, 2007... SAN ANTONIO TO DALLAS TEXAS SUSHI The Toyota Tundra is the biggest, most badass truck a Japanese car-maker has ever built. But that doesn't mean Pappy is going to buy it. The U. S. truck market is not just imbued by a sense of...

Pinging Piven: how much can you learn about a man through his mobile?
June 1, 2007... Nothing on television today--with the possible exception of Rosie O'Donnell's nattering--is as simultaneously entertaining and repellent as watching Ari Gold work the phone. He barks into his cell in a tanning booth, while taking a piss, during...

How to win a fight.(Bibliography)
June 1, 2007... The Fistfight: A Primer By Tom Chiarella Don't. You are smarter than this. There is too much you can't control. Even as it starts, know that it will be fast, faster than you could ever imagine and over before you can think much. If it...

The steel: two hundred thousand tons of steel went into making the World Trade Center's Twin Towers. Almost six years after 9/11, ground zero, barren until now and buffeted by politics, greed, and grief, is once again filling up with steel. A new skyscraper is going up. The fourth in a series of exclusive reports.(THE REBUILDING PART 4)
June 1, 2007... GOVERNOR PATAKI, the Father of the Freedom Tower, is running late--twenty minutes, plus or minus five long years--not that it matters any on this fine December morning. A lanky, whey-faced, round-shouldered man with all the charisma of a...

How to be a good father.
June 1, 2007... Esquire JOB NO. 06-07 DESCRIPTION: THe Skills Every Man Should Have 2 OF 4 First, Lower Your Expectations BY TOM CHIARELLA I hate new fathers. Bunch of arrogant know-it-alls, smug in what they clearly perceive to be...

The best bars in America.
June 1, 2007... The latest installment of our ever-growing franchise celebrating the great bars of America, those harmonious and radiant places that serve us drinks, keep us company, and put up with our regrettable behavior. This is not an overhaul of...

How to dress for the occasion.(Buyers guide)
June 1, 2007... Esquire JOB NO. 06-07 DESCRIPTION: The Skills Every Man Should Have 3 OF 4 First, You Have to Want To BY DAVID GRANGER At some point in my tenure as a sportswriter, I figured out why big-time athletes disdain the vast...

Vera Farmiga: The Departed garnered four Academy Awards. She's got four movies coming out this year. But instead of sitting poolside a the Roosevelt Hotel or eating Caesar salad at Chateau Marmont, she spends her days herding goats. Is it any wonder Vera Farmiga is a Woman We Love?(A WOMAN WE LOVE)
June 1, 2007... Two Nubian goats battle with a pair of Angoras to eat sunflower seeds out of Vera Farmiga's hand. She coos their names--Zoshya and Fruzia--hearty Ukrainian names that recall her own Slavic heritage. "We want to breed them," she explains....

How to get the upper hand.
June 1, 2007... Esquire JOB NO. 06-07 DESCRIPTION: The Skills Every Man Should Have 4 OF 4 GIVE A LITTLE, GET A LOT BY TOM CHIARELLA There is only one trick to getting more. It is the easiest piece of advice in this entire magazine....

Toys are us: what does it take to survive in the death-defying world of freestyle motocross? The members of California collective Metal Mulisha, led by founder Brian Deegan, take to their bikes and show it all boils down to balls, more balls, and a bold sense of style.(ESQUIRE STYLE)(Buyers guide)
June 1, 2007... On Brian Deegan, 32, winner of ten ESPN X Games medals: Leather jacket ($2,045) by Armani Collezioni; cotton T-shirt by Metal Mulisha; cotton jeans ($248) by Emporio Armani Jeans. On Ryan "Fluffer" Hagy, 23: Leather jacket ($1,695) by John...

Bob Barker: game-show host, 83, Hollywood.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
June 1, 2007... Cars and money. Everybody wants cars and money. I did Truth or Consequences for eighteen years. I've done Price Is Right for thirty-five years. I did Miss USA and Miss Universe for twenty-one years. I did the Rose Parade for twenty-one...

Mercenary: if you learned that the man in this photo--a professional assassin--was the head of security at one of our nation's most vulnerable nuclear facilities, would it trouble you? Or would it sound like one hell of a story?(William E. Clark)
June 1, 2007... THE PALISADES NUCLEAR PLANT in Covert, Michigan, is real. It produces 778 megawatts of electricity, and the electricity keeps the lights burning for about half a million residents. The nuclear reactor inside the nuclear plant is also real. It...

The most useless page ever.(This Way Out)(installing Microsoft Zune software)(artificial insemination of panda)(recipe of flamingo)
June 1, 2007... How to COOK FLAMINGO FROM DE RE COQUINARIA, BY APICIUS, THE FIRST KNOWN COOKBOOK, CIRCA FIRST CENTURY A.D. 1. Scald the flamingo. Remove feathers. 2. Wash and dress bird. 3. Parboil bird in a pot with water, salt, dill, and a...