Esquire articles from June 2003

Esquire archives from June 2003

By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers. (Promotion).
June 1, 2003... $ELLEBRITY FASHION MARCH 27, 2003: GIORGIO ARMANI, BERGDORF GOODMAN, PHAIDON PRESS, and Esquire celebrated the publication of a new book, $ellebrity, by George Lois. Lois's connection to Esquire dates back to the 1960s, when the...

E-mails from the front. (editor's letter).(woman volunteer killed in Gaza Strip; journalists traumatized in Iraq)(Editorial)
June 1, 2003... It started with the death of Rachel Corrie. Rachel Corrie didn't die in Iraq. She died before all that, before the twenty-four-hour coverage of young American soldiers in battle and of charred tanks and of the nightly bombing of Baghdad that...

The sound & the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
June 1, 2003... DREAMY NAOMI WATTS graced the April cover, announcing our annual spring jubilee All About Women. Inside the issue, contributing editor Bill Zehme told the wrenching story of the fall of former Chicago Tribune columnist Bob Greene. The popular...

Restoring the constitution. (the sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
June 1, 2003... Also in April, contributing editor Charles P. Pierce traveled to the undisclosed location in Maryland where the United States Constitution is currently being physically restored. He used the occasion to consider the symbolic implications of its...

Real politics. (the sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
June 1, 2003... In his essay "The Pentagon's New Map" (March), Naval War College professor Thomas P. M. Barnett laid out a provocative view of the world, delineating countries where globalization hasn't taken root, constituting "the Gap," and suggesting that...

Man at his best.(discussion of non-French names for actress Sophie Marceau)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... SOPHIE MARCEAU IF WE'RE GOING TO BE renaming products like French-vanilla ice cream and french fries so we can keep buying them, let's hope someone is working on some new names for Sophie Marceau. How does Stephanie Marcus sound? Or Sylvia...

The 9 most remarkable things in culture this month. (the awards).
June 1, 2003... One Best Description Of Smoking Crack "We sit cross-legged on the futon in his bedroom He hands the pipe to me. I place it to my lips and our eyes meet. `Ready?' he asks. [paragraph] "I nod my head. [paragraph] "He lights the white rocks...

What should a guy smell like? (the manly page).(men's cologne)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... A recent Esquire online poll revealed that a surprising 64 percent of the ladies prefer we always wear cologne. Unfortunately, the poll didn't tell us which one. We're going to ignore the stuff our tyrant ex-girlfriend gave us and make a fresh...

The pampered man. (the manly page).(listing of men-only spas)(Directory)
June 1, 2003... A men-only spa in New York City? Sure, makes sense. But in Minneapolis? Des Moines? Milwaukee? Granted, the heartland salons are heavier on the testosterone, offering a macho mix of brewskis, billiards, and back-hair waxing, but something...

The endorsement: the colonoscopy. (the manly page).(medical exam)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... NO ONE GETS IT DONE BECAUSE he wants to. You do it 'cause you oughta or you gotta, and that's that. Real life ain't High Noon, and you're no Gary Cooper, yet a man still has to do what a man has to do. Death's slow train is past your power to...

Heavy-breathing dating. (entertainment).(circuit dating at a health club)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... For single men who want a guarantee that they'll get sweaty with their dates, may we suggest the new gimmick called circuit dating. The idea: a round-robin exercise circuit in which ten men and ten women contort themselves in a series of...

A Bee movie. (entertainment).(spelling quiz basd on the documentary 'Spellbound,' which details the National Spelling Bee)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... This month, 249 of the country's most painfully awkward adolescents will converge on Washington, D.C., for a shot at becoming the National Spelling Bee champ. Even of you don't plan on catching the action live on ESPN on May 29, you shouldn't...

Q&A: Dr. Doom. (entertainment).(video game creator John Carmack)(Brief Article)(Interview)
June 1, 2003... AS COFOUNDER OF ID SOFTWARE, John Carmack popularized the morally reprehensible video game a decade ago with the now infamous Doom. He'll soon raise Joe Lieberman's blood pressure again with Doom III, which sets a startling new level of realism...

Two more books for your shelf. (books).('The Teammates' by David Halberstam and 'And Now You Can Go' by Vendela Vida)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... In The Teammates (Hyperion; $23), David Halberstam fellows ex-Red Sox greats Johnny Pesky and Dom DiMaggio on a final visit to Ted Williams, Vendela Vida's And Now You Can Go (Knopf; $20), about a woman reevaluating life after being mugged,...

Big important book of the month. (books).('Signal and Noise')(Book Review)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... WE'RE STILL WAITING FOR a great, rollicking novel about the invention of staplers. Or about the history of wicker furniture. But at least, finally, we have an entertaining novel about the laying of the transatlantic cable. It's true: This most...

Cartoons and sex. (books).('Outlaw Animation' by Jerry Beck)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Cartoons and sex have been a happy pair of long standing. Mickey Mouse's film debut featured Mickey making music by squeezing a sows teats (a scene later censored, Then came that horndog Fritz the Cat and Tex Avery's va-va-voomish Little Red...

Random knowledge about smallpox. (books).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Smallpox has killed more people through history than the bubonic plague and all 20th-century wars combined. George Washington, whose face was scarred from a bout of smallpox he caught in Barbados, had his troops inoculated for fear of British...

How much can a man eat? (food & wine).(eating contests scheduled for summer around the United States)(Brief Article)(Calendar)
June 1, 2003... Find out at one of these eating contests. Chicken wings: May 31, Chicago, Watermelon: July 3-6, Cave City, Kentucky. Hot dogs: July 4, Coney Island, New York. Ribs: July 18, Lincoln City, Oregon. Blueberry pie: August 8, South Haven, Michigan....

John Mariani on restaurants: stodgy but worth it. (food & wine).(restaurants that require jackets)
June 1, 2003... IN TODAY'S economy, most restaurants would probably let their customers wear anything--a muumuu, a Day-Glo thong, a Firestone tire--as long as they have a valid credit card. Most, but not all. There are still a handful of restaurateurs who...

You cheap bastard. (food & wine).(wines served at select restaurants)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... WHEN YOU PICK UP THAT WINE LIST and start reading from right to left (price first), you're looking to spend as little as possible without coming off as the chintziest bastard in town. You search up and down until you find your winner--the...

Car of the month. (the merchandise).(Nissan 350Z)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Porsche-like handling and 287 hp made Nissan's 350Z one of our favorite sports cars last year. Then designers added a view: At the touch of a button, the soft top of the Z roadster folds into its curvy body. And just in time for summer. About...

Driving in style. (the merchandise).(fashion accessories for men)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... What to get before you head out on the highway, plus a few quick questions for a man who speeds for a living * Auto-Themed sunglasses of the Month In yet another feat of car-and-accessory cross-merchandising, Oliver Peoples, optician to the...

Q&A: Helio Castroneves. (the merchandise).(race car driver)(Brief Article)(Interview)
June 1, 2003... THIS MEMORIAL DAY weekend, the affable Brazilian will try for his third consecutive victory at the Indianapolis 500--a feat never before accomplished at the Brickyard. Here, he gives us the skinny on cars, music, women, and what happens when...

The rules.(conduct of life for men)(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Rule No. 59: Lemme is the best of the faux contractions, followed by gimme. Rule No. 188: There is no more extreme tyrant than the assistant manager at your local P.F. Chang's. Rule No. 801: Never trust a woman who refers to her breasts as...

Cojones shady patents, homing pigeons & teenage style. (answer fella).
June 1, 2003... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a...

The guide. (what to wear now).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Party Shirt Barbecue season has officially begun, and unless you want to be just another guy standing with his wiener in his hand and wearing a blue polo shirt and khaki shorts, you should consider picking up one of these. For ten years,...

Step X step. (solutions).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Question: How can I pull off cargo pants in the office? Answer: Throw on a bunch of muted, classic layers for the carefully disheveled, preppy look. THE DETAILS: Cotton-twill cargo pants ($54) by TIMBERLAND; linen shirt ($73) and leather...

Cooler in the shades. (the over-under: sunglasses).
June 1, 2003... Trends in eyewear should be as fleeting as those in hosiery, so once you find glasses that look and feel good, we suggest you hang on to them until it's time for the cataract glasses and sock garters. That said, one style that has consistently...

Four things to say to sound smart this month. (the index).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... (1) Isn't Radiohead's Hail to the Thief a refreshing return to the band's plaintive guitar rock? Oh right--it's not available to the public until June 10. (2) Nine, the musical based on 8 1/2, is just the type of meretricious production Fellini...

7 ways to be entertained in ... June. (the index).
June 1, 2003... A Chinese Thriller M. Night Shyamalan never made a sequel to The Sixth Sense. An impressive show of restraint, that. Danny and Oxide Pang, on the other hand: not so restrained. Their film, The Eye, is a dark and twisty story about a woman who...

Roy Jones vs. Goliath: when was the last time you read a great boxing story? (the game).
June 1, 2003... SITTING in the bigwhite press tent outback of Caesars, wondering whether Snackus Maximus is serving lunch, is a lesson in boxing history named Bob Foster; No, not that fat guy--he's a writer--but the guy a couple of seats over, the skinny black...

Kutkit's Styptic Swabs promise to stop bleeding caused by nicks and cuts, sans Charmin. (The Equipment).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... KUTKIT'S STYPTIC SWABS promise to stop bleeding caused by nicks and cuts, sans Charmin. To test the claim, I turn to a guy who knows from bleeding: veteran cut man Tommy Gallagher, 62, of Gleason's Gym in Brooklyn, who cornered for...

Cheer the batter, bet the ump. (The Betting Man).
June 1, 2003... TO BETTORS, the best baseball umpires are not the ones you never notice. The umps who make you money are the ones you notice most. In an ideal world, each umpire would be interchangeable with every other--they would have identical strike zones...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... 1. We save your belly-button lint. We're knitting it into a tea cozy. 2. There are secret classes for girls in elementary school where we learn the names of flowers, colors, and spices. Why do you think we can use celadon, cardamom, and...

Bray of pigs: who's the star of Oliver Stone's new documentary? Certainly not its subject, Fidel Castro. (the screen).(Movie Review)
June 1, 2003... DEPENDING ON your respective tolerance for living relics of the cold war and Hollywood mythomaniacs, it may or may not surprise you to hear that in Comandante--Oliver Stone's record of his schmoozefest with Fidel Castro--Fidel comes off lots...

Q&A: Crispin Glover.(Brief Article)(Interview)
June 1, 2003... * ACTORS WHO PERENNIALLY PLAY eccentrics often turn out to be painfully mundane. We were thus happy to discover that Crispin Glover--known for his oddball turns as George McFly, the rat-hoarding Willard, and the villainous Thin Man, the role he...

The tech.(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... IN AN EFFORT to salve hangovers, I always remove the overhead fluorescent lights at my office. A secondary benefit is that my computer monitor is reflected into my glasses, giving me that intense, Hollywood hacker glare. Even if you can't bust...

Ed Harcourt's From Every Sphere is mysterious, disarmingly beautiful, and the summer's first great album. (music).(Sound Recording Review)
June 1, 2003... Just two years ago, quiet was the new loud. Or so most rock critics thought when they hurled four-star huzzahs at the so-called new acoustic movement--a motley collection of self-pitying singer-songwriters who thought more of Simon and...

Five more records worth your lunch money. (music).(Sound Recording Review)
June 1, 2003... The Thorns, The Thorns (Aware/Columbia). Although the jury's out on the need for a new Crosby, Stills, and Nash combo, Matthew Sweet, Shawn Mullins, and Pete Droge join here for an ambitious collection of harmony-driven tunes. The sum is...

Playing with trouble: all those other sports just make things too easy. Golf is the game that gets you in touch with your inner tough guy. (golf).
June 1, 2003... IT IS THURSDAY and I am clinging to the edge of a steep, wet hill above a dank lake full of oversized frogs. I am hooked tenuously to the ground by the cleated soles of my shoes. My hips are at an angle I've never experienced before, tilted...

The gear.(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... FACT: Golf courses contain more capricious weather systems than any other place on earth. It's cold, it's hot, it's raining, it's cold--it's only the fourth damn hole. In response, don the fully waterproof Dry Joys Performance zip-Off jacket....

Q&A: Aaron Baddeley.(Brief Article)(Interview)
June 1, 2003... * IN HIS ROOKIE YEAR on the PGA Tour, the 22-year-old Australian is making a statement with his game (18th on the money list), his outspoken Christianity, and his throwback threads. ESQ: So what's up with the wardrobe? AB: I don't like...

You've got questions she's got answers. (sex).
June 1, 2003... I always feel like such a shit-heel when I try to talk dirty. You know: "Oh, yeah, baby, put a Louisiana lip lock on my love pork chop. Yeaaah." What do I say? Not that. Neither chops nor states have any place in the lexicon of sexy talk...

Carrie-Anne Moss is the one: the star of The Matrix trilogy talks about sex scenes, extreme pain, and her friendships with cows.(Interview)
June 1, 2003... It's not as if she's totally ignored. Carrie-Anne Moss is the subject of a respectable number of heavy-breathing fan Web sites, has logged a few minutes on Jay Leno's couch, has signed plenty of autographs. But compared with other Matrix...

Summer! (a celebration).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Finally, mercifully, here comes the hot season. It's lobster and lighthouses. It's rodeos and redfish. It's Pedro on the mound, Tiger on the tee, and Serena at the net. It's long days, short naps, deep lakes, slow nights. It's that last cold...

How to treat a snake bite. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: DR. RICHARD DART, DIRECTOR, ROCKY MOUNTAIN POISON AND DRUG CENTER * First of all, do not handle serpents in an attempt to demonstrate your faith in the Lord. * If you do get bitten, do not cut into the fang marks and...

How to buy a three-month convertible. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Does the top came down? Does it go back up? Does the car seem like it'll make it till Labor Day? Can you get it for a grand or less? Buy it.

How to surf: lucky for you, brah, the worst time to surf is the best time to learn. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).
June 1, 2003... There's a great blue buffalo coming to you, a wave as tall as Dikembe Mutombo, as gracefully tapering as an airplane wing. Imagine what it will be like to catch this mighty wall of living energy--to leap to your feet, freefall across the face,...

47 things you gotta do before Labor Day. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).
June 1, 2003... 1. Wake up early in a lighthouse. The Rose Island Lighthouse in Newport, Rhode Island, offers you the keeper's apartment in exchange for some light lighthousekeeping duties. roseislandlighthouse.org. 2. Skinny-dip. In the ocean, though guy....

How to make a basil mojito. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... One day not too long ago, I walked into a swank new Mexican "cantina" and boldly ordered the house margarita. When it arrived, I suspected foul play. It had these green shreds in it, y'see, like somebody mistook it for a taco and zapped it with...

I slayed a school of redfish. (What I Did On My Summer Vacation).
June 1, 2003... We cast our lines at the newly risen sun, and though our sinkers plunked down well short of the mark, we waded backward out of the flashing silver sea with the considerable satisfaction of men who had kept their appointments. How many others...

Where to cliff dive. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Below, the best places in the contiguous forty-eight to take a flying leap. Maps and directions: www.swimholes.com/esquire_cliff_dive.html. Tish Tang, Willow creek, California California's only drive-up nude beach, although plenty of...

How to buy a season. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Produce is like people: temperamental. It has its good days, its bad days, and, in the case of the upcoming season, its very best days. Here's what to buy when, and how to be picky about it. PEACHES Prime time: Late May through July....

How to make a life preserver out of your pants. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: SCOTT DYER, RESCUE SWIMMER, U.S. COAST GUARD Remove your pants, knot the ankles together, gather the waist, and blow air into the opening. Bunch the waistband with one hand, sealing the opening, and put the knot behind your...

How to treat a jellyfish sting. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: DR. JOSEPH BURNETT, EDITOR OF THE JELLYFISH STING NEWSLETTER A mean sting from a sea nettle, lion's mane, or Portuguese man-of-war will cause intense pain and maybe temporary nerve paralysis, but it's not gonna kill you. Mostly...

How to fish. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... Or, more accurately, how to know what you should be fishing for. Every species attracts a different type of angler. Here, a handy guide. TROUT Smart, fickle, and sensitive enough to be startled by the slightest noise, trout mimic the...

I fell in like with summer. (What I Did On My Summer Vacation).
June 1, 2003... I've never been a summer guy. No apologies: Summer is for gentiles--souls with lighter hearts, faster cars, and less back hair. I'd rather sweat indoors, with the shades pulled down and the AC on max. Surf's up? Bite me. Cleavage? Gimme...

How to eat an entire pig. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: SKIP STEELE, SUPER SMOKERS BBQ, O'FALLON, MISSOURI Serves 60 Better be prepared to go whole hog if you want to cook a whole hog. We're talkin' twenty-four hours of work here. You'll start noon Saturday for a Sunday-afternoon...

How to teach your dog to catch a frisbee. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: BOB EVANS, CANINE FRISBEE WORLD CHAMPION 1 Any breed can do it, but those with herding instincts--shep herds, collies, Malinois--do it best. 2 If you begin by launching the Frisbee, the dog will learn how to fetch, not...

How to play watermelon polo. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... All you need is a body of water, a tub or vaseline, and a nice melon 1. Establish the playing field. A corner of a pond or a calm take works well. 2. Use markers from nature--trees are good--to delineate the in bounds area 3....

I bought me a mule. (What I Did On My Summer Vacation).
June 1, 2003... What happens at a rodeo is there's dry summer dust flying everywhere and the dust sticks to people's hats. You see that and it makes you want a hat. This is one reason rodeos have so many people selling hats. The guy at the booth where I...

How to take your clothes off. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: BOB ROCHE, PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF NUDE RECREATION (EASTERN REGION) * Take your clothes off. Wearing a swimsuit at a nude beach is about as appropriate as going bottomless at a at mitzvah. * Don't have sex on the...

How to make peach ice cream. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... OUR EXPERT: JON SNYDER, OWNER, IL LABORATORIO DEL GELATO No matter what flavor you're making, ingredients are paramount: the freshest cream, the freshest milk, the best vanilla, the finest chocolate. Fruit flavors are even trickier because...

How to build an outdoor firepit. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).
June 1, 2003... Ten thousand toasted marshmallows from now, you're gonna be very glad you did this. What you'll need to make a forty-two-inch firepit: * 2 screwdrivers * a piece of cord (at least two feet long) * a shovel * 8 sixty-pound bags...

I rocked Jersey City. (What I Did On My Summer Vacation).
June 1, 2003... We didn't miss all the buses because we got stoned at the Yes concert at Roosevelt Stadium in Jersey City. We missed all the buses because we insisted on also getting stoned after the Yes concert, and now it was midnight and we had no way to...

How to live in a furnace: below, local knowledge from three of the world's most sweltering places. (The Esquire Guide to Summer).(Brief Article)
June 1, 2003... * The Danakil Depression, Ethiopia The heat: known as "the hellhole of creation," this low-lying salt desert frequently gets midday temperatures of 120 degrees. The locals: A nomadic tribe of Kalashnikov-toting salt miners known as...

Barefootin: to test out the best of the season beachwear, Esquire embarks on a coastline camping. adventure complete with sun, sand, sea, and plenty of skin. (Esquire Style).
June 1, 2003... NIGHT SURFING AT SECLUDED YOKOHAMA BAY, HAWAII From left: Cotton-and-nylon board shorts ($160) by John Bartlett. Polyester board shorts ($36) by Quiksilver. Her bikini by Alberta Ferretti. BREAKING CAMP BEFORE MAKING FOR THE SWELLS...

Curt Gowdy: [Broadcaster, 83, Palm Beach, Florida]. (What I've learned).(Interview)
June 1, 2003... I'm at the airport. Go to the counter. The guy working behind it has his head down because he's looking at the computer. I'll say, "Is flight 754 on time?" And before he even looks up, he'll say, "Curt Gowdy! How are you?" The better you...

My father's memories: dad was a very physical man. As his illness progressed, those memories remained the strongest.(father-son relationship)
June 1, 2003... `I KNEW IT would happen one day; I just didn't expect it to happen so soon." Late summer, 1995. My father and I were lounging, fittingly enough, poolside at my parents' home in Los Angeles. He had recently revealed publicly that he had...

Me...and Sandy the Bull: what do you call a tough old ball buster from Cleveland with no money, no shame, a lousy attitude, and crumbs all over his shirt? Dad.
June 1, 2003... I find my father everywhere--in the mirror, of course, in the cupid's bow of my four-year-old son's lips, in the tugging of my heart toward rage even as my hair goes white, and in the hate and hurt whetted in my family's soul. I find my father...

Vincent D'Onofrio.(actor)(Interview)
June 1, 2003... Vincent D'Onofrio did not tell me he loved me. Of course not. But I knew from the way he was standing so close; he was breathing on me. On my neck. He was behind me, hunched over me as I sat and typed. His mouth was but a whisper from my ear:...

The five-minute guide to... Islam.
June 1, 2003... WITH ROUGHLY 1.3 BILLION ADHERENTS WORLDWIDE (and at least 3 million in the U.S. alone), Islam is the world's second-largest religion, after Christianity. It's also the fastest growing. That's not because followers are out pounding the pavement...

Full house: it was my first slumber party, and I didn't want to go. "You're expecting me to spend the night with someone who throws rocks at cats?" I asked my dad. "You're damned right," he said. "Now get the hell over there.".(Fictional Work)
June 1, 2003... My parents were not the type of people who went to bed at as regular hour. Sleep overtook them, but neither the time nor the idea of a mattress seemed very important. My father favored a chair in the basement, but my mother was apt to lie down...

Pick the Esquire Mascot contest. (this way out).
June 1, 2003... Everyone's still in shock after hearing that Esquire's mascot, Esky, is retiring after nearly seventy years on the job. And what's a magazine without a mascot, right? So we're looking for Esky's replacement. And we're gonna need some help. So...