Esquire articles from July 2006

Esquire archives from July 2006

The state of the American man.(young men educational and political aspects)(Editorial)
July 1, 2006... I was amazed by how few people wanted to talk to us about one of the thematic pillars of this issue, the looming crisis in manhood that is facing us in the United States. It's fairly well documented that boys and young men are rapidly falling...

Tough crowd.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... Dave Chappelle's biggest problem seems to be his frustration at being unable to present himself as a legitimate victim of racism. He had supportive, educated parents; an early start in stand-up comedy at no race-restricted venues; and,...

Another classic cover.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... Not only is the May issue excellent as always, its cover ranks among the best. June 1965: Sean Connery as James Bond surrounded by beautiful girls; April 1968: Muhammad Ali pierced with arrows; May 1969: Andy Warhol drowning in a can of...

Sex, health, and rock 'n' roll.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... It's heartening to read in "The Better Man 2006" that an active sex life helps extend a man's life expectancy. I might add that if a man and woman can keep each other happy enough for them to hit that "heroic accomplishment" of 350 times a year...

Highlights from an Open Letter to a Reader's Wife We're Not Running.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)
July 1, 2006... "16. Look at me in a crowded room with real desire.... 27. Come into the bedroom dressed in knee-highs, a short pleated skirt, with ponytails... 28. Every once in a while, tell me to take you here and now. 29. For that matter,...

About this Nasdijj character.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... The May issue included "Nasdijj," a profile of writer Tim Barrus, whose story "The Blood Runs Like a River Through My Dreams" was published under the name Nasdijj in Esquire in June 1999. The story, which was nominated for a National Magazine...

Grains and truth.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... The fraud perpetrated seven years ago by Tim Barrus is nothing compared with the one unwittingly perpetrated by Chuck Klosterman in his column "The Case for Corn" (Chuck Klosterman's America, May). When Klosterman expresses his belief that...

Answers for the Fella.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... After quickly devouring the latest issue of your terrific magazine, I have to point out a tiny, yet not insignificant, error in the Answer Fella column (Man at His Best) of May's issue. While sauna indeed is of Finnish origin, pastrami most...

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
July 1, 2006... Considering this era of the digitally manipulated and surgically enhanced pursuit of physical perfection, I was astounded by Padma Lakshmi's pose in "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" (May). I have no interest in knowing what produced the...

Those responsible.(work of Aaron McGruder )(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... Aaron McGruder Writer/illustrator: "The State of the American Black Man" page 116 "ITS REALLY easy to have an opinion on something. The tough job is always being funny--to do the funniest thing you can do," says Aaron McGruder, whose...

A T-shirt we'll miss.(THE UPDATE)
July 1, 2006... THOUGH WE WOULDN'T MIND hanging on to the T-shirt Rosario Dawson wore on the cover of the April issue for a couple more months, we couldn't disappoint those hopeful readers who sent in their answers to "Modern Women: The Quiz." Besides, we had...

Esquire.com: gets better and easier to use on June 15.(UPDATE)
July 1, 2006... * No more log-in. You no longer have to register, sign in, or be a print subscriber to access back issues of Esquire. * The Dubious Achievement of the Week Headline-Writing Contest. We bring the news, you bring the funny. Each Monday...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Rebecca Mader)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... As told by REBECCA MADER What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. ABOUT THE JOKESTER: We were slightly worried when all the jokes Rebecca...

The six most remarkable things in culture this month.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Awards)
July 1, 2006... 1 Worst Camper Stills from Tent, a video by Swiss performance and installation (and explosives) artist Roman Signer, as included in the new collection of his early work, Roman Signer, published by Phaidon Press. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]...

Tough motherf*@ker: the profane eloquence of Deadwoods's Ian McShane.
July 1, 2006... POWER IS SEDUCTIVE, but invincibility is boring: Just as the creators of Superman glorified their hero into near-irrelevance, forcing them to turn to Kryptonite to prevent his exploits from devolving into one rote, unqualified ass-kicking after...

A puzzle piece.
July 1, 2006... AN AMIABLE PORTRAIT of New York Times crossword-puzzle editor Will Shortz (left), Wordplay follows the template established by little-doc-that-could Spellbound--endearing eccentrics, competitive climax. It's every bit as charming, too, even if...

Q+A: Deb Mazar (and her publicist).(veteran character actress Debi Mazar interview )(Interview)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... THE MERE suggestion of a pushy publicity person sitting in on a celebrity interview usually causes us to politely decline the privilege. But for a sit-down in L.A. with veteran character actress Debi Mazar, 40, who returns this summer as the...

Spiked. Killed. Eighty-sixed.(CHANDLER'S LOST SCRIPT)(Cartoon)
July 1, 2006... SPIKED. KILLED. EIGHTY-SIXED. Raymond Chandler's 1948 screenplay Playback never saw the light of day. It was thought last forever until it was rediscovered in the Universal Studios film archives a few years back. With Playback- A Graphic Novel...

Home to vast.(Siberia political and religious aspects)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... HOME TO VAST oil resources and President Putin's powerful conservative political base, Siberia wields a disproportionate amount of Russian power. Throw in enough Christian fundamentalists to make Jerry Falwell weep, and the remote Siberian...

Here's a bad sign.(Talk Talk)(Brief article)(Book review)
July 1, 2006... HERE'S A BAD SIGN: The most compelling scene in Talk Talk (Viking, $26), T.C. Boyle's new chase novel, is the first, in which Dana Halter, a deaf schoolteacher, is stopped for a routine be arrested, jailed, and generally brutalized for...

Unearthed: five acts that prove there's more to MySpace than Tom and Tila.
July 1, 2006... I STILL DON'T HAVE A MYSPACE.COM PROFILE. But damned if it doesn't seem like I spend half my day on MySpace anyway, listening to music I couldn't have possibly known was out there. Nothing's made it easier for music fans to discover the...

Jose Gonzalez.(songwriters)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... ONE OF THE BEST viral e-mails I got last year suggested I Google "Sony Bravia" + "Jose Gonzalez." Set to the serene acoustic sounds of Swedish singer-songwriter Gonzalez's version of "Heartbeats," the European television commercial features...

The hype machine.(TOOLS OF DISCOVERY)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... THE BEAUTY OF THE MP3 BLOG is simple: It's music fans posting music for other music fans. And there are way too many. All you need is the Hype Machine (hype.non-standard.net). Officially, it's an "audio blog aggregator," which I believe loosely...

Seven things you need ... in your bar.(MAN AT HIS BEST)
July 1, 2006... TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK, you don't need a bunch of fancy barware to make great drinks; all you really need are a few simple recipes, * the willingness to execute them with precision, and a lot of ice. But if you've already got all that, here are...

The second city of food: when it comes to eating well, Chicago has no rivals (Okay, maybe one).(MAN AT HIS BEST: Food)
July 1, 2006... ITS RESTAURANT SCENE isn't as self-consciously glitzy as Vegas's or L.A.'s, or as obsessively foodie as San Francisco's. It has far more variety than Miami, and it's cheaper than D. C. Chicago may no longer be Carl Sandburg's "hog butcher for...

Fountains of joy: why fountain pens are the new PDAS.(Personal digital assistants)
July 1, 2006... A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, I was shocked to discover that one of my Hollywood agents, the manly Richard Lovett of CAA, took down a list of my complaints and desires longhand in a notebook. He explained that it was visually easier to keep track of...

Food math.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Better Man)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... THERE'S A REASON rice and beans are a staple around the world: Grains contain the amino acids that beans lack. When eaten together, certain foods provide beneficial health effects--not to be confused with the food-group-combining diets floating...

Why can't I remember a damned thing?(Ask Dr. Oz: FREE ADVICE FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL)(memory flexibility)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... Generally speaking, as an average adult you will have less memory next year than you do right now. Still, a large percentage of the population does not experience any significant decline at all. So how do you become one of those people? ...

How to buy a running shoe.(athletic shoes)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... Here are a few tips for choosing a good pair that won't cost you an arm and a leg--or your toenails. * STEP OUT OF THE SHOWER ONTO A TOWEL Is the damp impression shaped like a scythe, or is your footprint flat like Fred Flintstone's? A...

Are fetishes relative? For example, if a guy with a foot fetish gets on a train loaded with women wearing open-toed shoes, is the turn-on factor the same as if a normal guy got on a train full of topless women?
July 1, 2006... First, I have a question for you: If the open-toed-shoes train leaves Atlanta at 6:00 P.M. going 110 miles per hour and the topless train leaves Knoxville going 90 miles per hour, which train will get to Charlie Sheen's house faster? Because...

I have a pretty long penis. Does this mean it's easier for me to get a girl pregnant, since I'm shooting so close to the target?(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... Is this one of those "I have a pretty long penis" letters? My aunt answered one of those, and three months later she's destitute and paying for a time-share in Ocala, Florida, and there isn't a Mongolian royal family anyway, I'm willing to...

I love my wife. We have great sex. But sometimes she is "less than fresh" "down there." How do I tell her to "freshen up," and is there an easy way for her to do so?(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... I'm a bit confused. Are the bits in quotes supposed to be dialogue? Because if they are, I fear this will be one atrocious novel. Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking about your wife's vagina, and I'm guessing there's a malfunction of the...

The rules.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Sex)
July 1, 2006... RULE NO. 298: Formula for a cool tattoo: Take a flightless beast and give it wings. RULE NO. 441: Designer eyeglasses should make you look like something between a German architect and a Libyan dictator. RULE NO. 469: Never introduce yourself...

Two days in the valley: the hottest place at the hottest time. One man's desert odyssey.(Death Valley)
July 1, 2006... Two people died during my time in Death Valley, but I saw only one of them. She was on a stretcher, about to be hefted into the back of an ambulance. Her van had rolled over and was crumpled in a ditch by the side of the road. The road was long...

Going postal, getting sentenced to military service & how to buy a tux.
July 1, 2006... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a...

The five fundamentals of the new dress shirt.(The guide: what to wear and how to wear it)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... The continuing casualization of the workplace has hit an obstacle: the inescapable fact that American men feel like dressing up for work again. Central to the new mood of get-ahead power dressing is the choice of dress shirts. Enthusiasm for...

Cuffs, collars, and knots: a primer.(the guide * anatomy)(Buyers guide)
July 1, 2006... Choosing your ideal dress shirt is an individual decision. Only you know what feels best. But before you drop coin on one, know your options. Because there are many. * TIE KNOTS: The Windsor (1): Popularized by the Duke of Windsor, this...

The rules of wearing shirts: how tight to knot your tie, when your shirt collar is just right, where to put a monogram, and more.(the guide * instruction)
July 1, 2006... TIP AT THE WAIST The point should just touch the waistband of your suit trousers, assuming, of course, that your waistband is properly on or just above your hipbone. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] DIMPLE IN THE MIDDLE Just one...

The Lester Bangs of video games: sorry, that was misleading. There is no Lester Bangs of video games. Why?
July 1, 2006... THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE in America who do not take video games seriously. These are the same people who question the relevance of hip-hop and assume newspapers will still exist in twenty-five years. It's hard to find an irrefutably accurate...

And the Oscar for best performance in a fake documentary about conjoined punk rockers goes to ...(Brothers of the Head)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... WHEN YOU HEAR THE PREMISE for Brothers of the Head, it's hard not to be intrigued. It's a fake documentary about conjoined British twins who fronted a 1970s punk band that was a cross between the Heartbreakers and the Clash. When you watch the...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... 1. Compulsive hair playing equals great, unbridled passion, but not necessarily directed toward you or toward anyone in particular. In my latest book, The Secret Language of Hair, I attempt to bridge the communication gap between hair gesture...

The sexiest woman alive: a six-part peek at a day in the life of an icon: Part 2: ablutions.(Interview)
July 1, 2006... You won't find her on Wisteria Lane or on the panel that selects America's next top model. Instead, you will find her at the kitchen sink in an aluminum double-wide in Sun Valley, California, performing her morning ablutions with a Schick Slim...

The change: the women's golf tour is starting to look a lot less--and a lot more--like the men's.
July 1, 2006... FIRST THERE WERE THE GARDENS OF AUGUSTA, and then there was Las Vegas. A week after the men had golfed in golden light at the Masters, surrounded by azaleas, jasmine, and cherry blossoms, the women gathered behind the strip's casinos, back...

Gentlemen, thank us later: they have money. They have power. They have fame. And, thanks to the magic of computers, they finally have the style to match here, seven American men of influence, as you've never seen them.
July 1, 2006... HOWARD STERN HIS PROBLEM: THERE'S NOT MUCH THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT HIS PASTY COMPLEXION, BUT WE DO NEED TO ADDRESS THE LAUNDRY-BASKET APPROACH TO HIS WARDROBE HOWARD, WE LOVE THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE THINGS YOUR OWN WAY, BUT THAT DOESN'T...

The survey of the American man: the average American man carries $3,290 in credit-card debt, worries more about gaining weight than losing his job, and--surprise!--leans slightly to the left. Presenting these and other data about you.(THE STATE of the AMERICAN MAN)(Survey)
July 1, 2006... America is an increasingly religious, increasingly conservative country, right? Wrong. That was just one of many things that surprised us as we sifted through the results of Esquire's Survey of the American Man. In fact, while 78 percent...

The problem with boys ... is actually a problem with men. We've ignored all the evidence of male achievement and ambition deficits and stood aside as our sons have notched a growing record of failure and disengagement. It's time we did something about it. A call to action.
July 1, 2006... I have two sons. One is sixteen, the other thirteen. Like any boys, they are a little too muscular in their expectations from life. In a single evening, they can be sullen, sweet, hurtful, gentle, distant, funny, and full of grit. Tonight I...

25: a portfolio of fifty-one American men with onething in common their age.(Cover story)
July 1, 2006... When Charles Darwin was twenty-five, he was half-way through his five-year voyage aboard the HMS Beagle. When Martin Luther King was twenty-five, he became pastor of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. When Orson Welles was...

Innocent: can America and Islam coexist? The answer may lie with the fate of twenty-five-year-old "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh. The prison profile of the man who now calls himself Hamza.(Biography)
July 1, 2006... Arabic must be one hell of a language. It must indeed be preeminent among all languages on earth, because it is the language of revelation in Islam. It is not only the language that the Prophet, peace be upon him and his family, spoke to all of...

Hunter Clemons (Fifth grader, 11, Apex, North Carolina).(words of Hunter Clemons)(Interview)
July 1, 2006... * This is kind of cool. No kid I know has done this. * Definitely Hilary. I'm really not a big fan of Hilary Duff, but I'd take her over Lindsay Lohan any day. Lindsay Lohan has dyed her hair a bazillion and one times. She's doing what...

The state of the American black man.
July 1, 2006... We went to the creator of The Boondocks comic strip with a rather nebulous assignment: Give us your take on the state of the American black man. We were expecting a cartoon. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Lord of hosts: as American Idol successfully completes it's quest for world domination, we are stirred to ask: who is this Ryan Seacrest? Well, as the Bible says, he is known by many names.
July 1, 2006... Ryan Seacrest, history's greatest monster, has a full plate this morning. The KIIS-FM phone lines are lit, his cohost, Ellen K, has the latest on the 911 tape of Yanni's allegedly battered girlfriend, today's call-in theme--dishonesty--hasn't...

50 reasons it's good to be an American man (in no particluar order).(THE STATE of the AMERICAN MAN)(Cover story)
July 1, 2006... 1. The original Tommy's burger. Not Tommies, mind you, that sorry mall-rat imitator of the real deal in L.A., but Tommy's--they indicating that the chili on top has been brewing in the same pot for fifty years, which may be why you find very...

Fifty grand in San Diego: Shun Ducksworth lives with his wife and two kids in a duplex condo close to the beach. And not far from the edge.(Stacey LaShun Ducksworth, Heather Marie Peterson Ducksworth)
July 1, 2006... Rising with effort from the overstuffed couch, the baby secured in the crook of his mahogany python of a limb like an M16 rifle at shoulder arms, Stacey LaShun Ducksworth, thirty-two years old, lets It a bone-weary sigh. [paragraph] "Lordy,...

Who's doing something.
July 1, 2006... Not everyone has turned a blind eye to the boys crisis. Here are four organizations devoted to fixing the problem. >> Guys Read Jon Scieszka, a children's-book author and former elementary-school teacher, wants to make reading...

Crunk, 12, dies.(use of Crunk, a African-American dance is anymore)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... Crunk, a form of African-American dance music born in the mid-1990s, died on January 17 in a Lexus GS near Montclair, New Jersey. The cause was Josh Saperstein, director of marketing for Holdeverything, who rapped along with his Lil' Jon CD on...

A Crappy Treo, 2, dies.(Crappy Treo PDA phone is used anymore)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... A Crappy Treo PDA phone, which dropped calls a good 80 percent of the time and always sounded as if the guy on the other end was on the tarmac at O'Hare, died Monday, May 29. It was a piece of shit. Purchased online in 2004, the Crappy Treo...

My wife's crush on Kiefer Sutherland, 4, is dead.(Deaths)(Obituary)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... My Wife's Crush on Kiefer Sutherland, an actor best known for his work as an intense federal agent on the Fox drama 24, died April 11 on our couch. The cause was the revelation that Mr. Sutherland has formed an indie record label. The crush was...

The concept of the author, following a long illness, 4,106.(Concept of the Author, a book is out of use)(Brief article)
July 1, 2006... The Concept of the Author, a person who is the sole creator of a discrete text, died March 5 on Wikibooks.org. It was 4,106 years old. The cause was three sentences by Trevor Harris, the 114th person to contribute to a collaborative book on the...

The last shred of human dignity, 47,032, dies.(human dignity any more)
July 1, 2006... The Last Shred of Human Dignity died July 12 on the set of Big Brother 7 in Los Angeles. It was 47,032 years old. The cause was contestant John Mulroney fellating a zucchini. A key part of what distinguished people from animals, Human...