Esquire articles from January 2007

Esquire archives from January 2007

This way in: the sound and the fury.(2006's Sexiest Woman Alive- 'Scarlett Johansson')(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... Finally. After six months of hints and teasingly obstructed photographs, we revealed 2006's Sexiest Woman Alive, Scarlett Johansson. Some readers endorsed the designation. Others wondered why we hadn't looked for her in places like Illinois,...

Canadians and ex-pats: loving Esquire and each other.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... In what we (and at least one reader) considered a monumental undertaking, the November issue included endorsements of candidates in all of the 504 congressional and gubernatorial elections ("Esquire Endorses America"). I've never been...

You must not have tried it as foreplay.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... Why not give a blanket endorsement to Democrats, as opposed to wasting eighteen pages on endorsing individuals? Your cursory analysis of the candidates lent only a superficial appearance of a method. Why should voters consider the one-sentence...

And delusional. You forgot delusional.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... Since conscience precluded us from backing either major-party candidate in Florida's fifteenth district, we endorsed a write-in. You dismissed me (the Democratic candidate) because I think "9/11 was an inside job." How about going to my...

Things we should be covering.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... HERE ARE SOME POINTS you people should get off your asses and cover: 1. What's it like to live next to the Playboy Mansion? Does the constant party noise get on your nerves? Do they invite you over for a drink so you don't call the cops to...

Sexiest woman alive: bring On the expletives ...(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... Sweet baby Jesus! I have never been more excited to get a magazine than I was this month. Scarlett is more than worthy of being called the Sexiest Woman Alive. She's beautiful, intelligent, talented, and she has a refreshing humor. Thank you...

... And the invectives.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... Next year, you should be sure to more appropriately title the feature "The Sexiest Woman Alive Who Has a Major Media Release Coinciding with Our November Issue." Two years in a row. Quite disappointing. DAVE MANN New York, N.Y.

Okay, but does she have a movie coming out?(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... You guys are nuts. The most sexy, beautiful woman in the world is Coleen Sullivan, evening anchor for WDTN Channel 2 News in Dayton, Ohio. TOBY JONES West Alexandria, Ohio

A clarification.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... The November issue included a profile of Scott Cross field, a legendary test pilot of the early rocket age who died in a plane crash last spring ("The Last Flight of Scott Cross field"). Your article was a fine tribute to a man I called a...

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
January 1, 2007... November's style feature showed the proprietors of Willmore Lumber posing next to about six thousand pounds of logs ("High Society"). If you look carefully, you can see that the only thing preventing those logs from rolling onto the men are two...

Corrections.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Correction notice)
January 1, 2007... November's "Esquire Endorses America" covered a lot of ground (504 races, 950-p/us candidates, 24,000 words) and unfortunately included a few errors, which Esquire regrets. Illinois gubernatorial candidate Judy Baar Topinka's name was...

Fran Kessler: what I've learned: special assistant to the editor in chief, ageless, New York City.(THOSE RESPONSIBLE)
January 1, 2007... AFTER THIRTEEN YEARS at Esquire, there are some things Fran Kessler, assistant to Esquire editor David Granger, just doesn't do, like knocking before entering, or abiding technology or Republicans. It's part of her charm. Before she came to us,...

Useful advice from a beautiful woman.(The Front: MAN AT HIS BEST)(Kate Mara)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... As told by KATE MARA If you're ever in desperate need of a ruler, a dollar bill is just a shade over six inches long. ABOUT THE ADVICE GIVER: Actress Kate Mara knows more about football than you do. It's okay, though--as the...

The leisure meter: how to allocate your free time this month.(THE FRONT: MAN AT HIS BEST)
January 1, 2007... January Listening to the Shins' new album, Wincing the Night Away, for melodic, inoffensive pop songs like "Sleeping Lessons," which we imagine Zach Brafflikes very, very much. 1 hour, 30 minutes Getting torn limb from limb at the...

Q&A: Ricky Gervais: The boss is back. New jobs, same bite.(THE FRONT: THE SCREEN)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... SIX YEARS after creating David Brent, the attention-starved boss on the British version of The Office, Ricky Gervais, 45, is finally becoming familiar in America. That was him at the Emmys when the U.S. Office won Best Comedy. His underrated...

Things we won't be covering this month.(THE FRONT: THE SCREEN)
January 1, 2007... The One-Click Butter Cutter which cuts perfect butter pats with just a squeeze of the hand. Betty, pubic-hair dye for women, or Commandos, an underwear-replacing patch for women. The DVD release of Extreme Chickfights. How to Understand Women...

Ekters d'win' eksents *.(THE COMPLAINT)(movie actors and accent)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... EVERY YEAR, right around Christmastime, I find myself indulging a grisly little fantasy triggered by trailers for Oscar-hungry films. Coming soon: Blood Diamond--and there's a goateed Leo gallivanting over the Sierra Leonean countryside,...

Death to America: on September 11, 2001, Osama Bin Laden attacked us. Now writer Dinesh D'Souza follows suit. An open letter to the author.(THE FRONT: BOOKS)
January 1, 2007... DEAR DINESH, Just read your new book, The Enemy at Home: The Cultural Left And Its Responsibility for 9/11 (Doubleday, $27). Here's your blurb--I think it works: "Dinesh D'Souza does for liberals what The Protocols of the Elders of Zion...

Big book of the month: House of Meetings.(THE FRONT: BOOKS)(Brief article)(Book review)
January 1, 2007... IF GULAGS DON'T SOUND like your idea of fun, be forewarned: Martin Amis's new novel. House of Meetings (Knopf, $23), is not a fun book. It's something of a labor, actually-forced labor, collective labor, the labor of love. And as Amis tells the...

Come on, people now: as Nas offers advice on overcoming strife, we sum up a few lingering beefs.(THE FRONT: MUSIC)
January 1, 2007... "THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY," an odious four-year exchange of intimidation and boorishness orchestrated by Jay-Z and Nas, two of the greatest MCs ever, is over. Now, these once mortal enemies are associates; Nas's new CD, Hip Hop Is Dead, is out...

My favorite band (for now).(THE FRONT: MUSIC)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... NEKO CASE, MUSICIAN: "VISQUEEN. Ladies these days tend to sing goo-goo gaga. It's liberating to hear Rachel Flotard sing balls out; it's the band I've always wanted to be in." TOM MORELLO, MUSICIAN, AUDIOSLAVE: "OUTERNATIONAL. A world-music...

Catchiest malady: "Boils.".(The Awards)(song by Cody Chesnutt)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... CATCHIEST MALADY "Boils." --A song by Cody Chesnutt, the brilliant and reclusive lo-fi soul singer and sometime Roots collaborator, on the remarkable concept record Plague Songs. The album contains tracks by Stephin Merritt, Brian Eno,...

Wool tights: let the Philistines have their bare legs, for the clingy joys of winter are just as enticing.(The Endorsement)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... THERE ARE NO SUN DRESSES in winter. No halter tops, no flirty short shorts, no elegant scoop necks. Instead, women smother their limbs with turtlenecks, Gore-Tex, and long coats--an inevitable fact that makes the long, dark, slushy days of...

The rules.(THE FRONT: NOTEBOOK)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... [Rule No. 273] Be wary the man who shakes your hand while remaining in his seat. [Rule No. 321]. Restaurants that demand that you call them to confirm are 73 percent more likely to have haughty servers. [Rule No. 882] Wearing a trash-bag poncho...

Torture techniques not yet banned.(The Esquire List)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... 1. Listening to a stranger lecture you on how to train your dog. 2. M. Night Shyamalan: 2000 to present. 3. Trying to explain to anyone over 60 how to set up a wireless router. 4. Seeing Nicole Richie's 13-pound legs in a dress....

The brewmasters: never say "venti" again.(DRINK)(cofee machines and batter)
January 1, 2007... I RECENTLY directed the last episode of Notes from the Underbelly, a new half-hour comedy I am executive-producing for ABC. Directing for television is an endeavor that requires a very fast crew, which is why I decided to test cappuccino...

The guide: sex.(MAN AT HIS BEST)
January 1, 2007... My wife is a different person in bed. She wants me to do things I could get arrested for. Things I have to emotionally grapple with. Is this healthy or what? How illicit can it be? She's not asking you to download unauthorized copies of...

Cold Front: four degrees of insulation: for most American men, the return of winter temperatures means more clothing options than they get the rest of the year. Here, Esquire offers four of its favorite winter-coat looks for work and weekend. Let it freeze.(THE GUIDE: STYLE)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... [1] SHARP The best cover-up for a sharp winter suit is an equally sharp coat. Preferably one that will keep the wet out. Polyester coat ($228) by Nautica; three-button wool suit ($795), cotton shirt ($145), and silk tie ($60) by DKNY;...

The system of down.(MATERIAL)(mountaineering garments)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... Since being invented in the 1930s and 1940s, wind- and water-resistant materials like nylon and polyester have been essential for the outdoors. When stuffed with down, they have become the ultrawarm garments that have helped make extreme...

The hand that rocks: four steps to well-insulated fingers.(THE GUIDE: STYLE)(gloves)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... STEP 1 Your hand's size is measured from its circumference at the knuckles. Find out what it is, and buy accordingly. Deerskin gloves ($68) by Banana Republic. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] STEP 2 The inside is as important as the...

Heavy crowns.(THE OPTIONS)(winter hats)(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... Time was when a man's winter hat was the same one he wore all year: the fedora. Because nothing as purely stylish has taken its place, comfort and warmth are now the most important factors in head wear. The stylishness of these three hats is...

The way of the scarf.(INSTRUCTION)
January 1, 2007... THE NOVICE A rakish wrap that warms the neck and the sternum. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THE LOOPHOLE The modern sophisticate's choice. Here, asymmetry is key. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THE WHIPLASH Classic. Also looks great tucked...

Famous birthdays, girlfriend advice & a brief history of toilet paper.(THE GUIDE: ANSWER FELLA)
January 1, 2007... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a...

You say you want a revolution: well, you know, it ain't gonna happen. Not here.(Chuck Klosterman's AMERICA)(Column)
January 1, 2007... I DO NOT WANT TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT. In case you misread that, I am going to type it again, this time more slowly: I. Do. Not. Want. To. Overthrow the government. I don't want black helicopters landing on the roof of my apartment...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief article)
January 1, 2007... 1. Your lady will never be skinnier than she is on her wedding day. So if your bride's got back, just know that your wife will get backer, and fronter. (And sider, too.) 2. Women do not love weddings. We think wedding invitations are bills...

Mini-Barbarians at the gate: don't be fooled by its itty-bitty size and cheery demeanor. The Mini Cooper convertible just might be the meanest tailgating vehicle ever made.(CARS)(Product/service evaluation)
January 1, 2007... I'LL HAVE TO CONSULT William Satire on this, but I'd wager that the primary definition of the word tailgate no longer concerns the appendage at the rear end of a pickup truck. Somewhere along the line, the tailgate went from a part to a party,...

Our house in the Hills.(The Esquire House 360[degrees])
January 1, 2007... Beverly, that is. A well-appointed swimming pool. A steady stream of movie stars. And a driveway so long, the city required us to install our own fire hydrant. In year four of the Great Esquire Design Experiment, we set up residence in...

Bryan Anderson: soldier, 25, rolling meadows, Illinois.(Interview)
January 1, 2007... > This is the gripper. It's like a robot hand, a stronger tool. There's a sensor on the inner and outer parts of my forearm. All I do is pretend my hand is still there and open and close it. > If I want it to close, I make the close-muscle...

Peter O'Toole: Actor, 74, London.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... * Anarchic, arbitrary sexual urges--there's not a man or woman who doesn't love and has not been disturbed by them. * I've never looked for women. When I was a teenager, perhaps. But they are looking for us, and we must learn that very...

Katie Couric: Network News Anchor, 49, New York City.(Interview)
January 1, 2007... * It's a little harder than I thought it would be. * I felt a lot of pressure on Election Night. Some people out there are rooting for me to fail. But going in, I thought, I can do this, and when I finished, I thought, You know, I was...

Sarah Silverman & Jimmy Kimmel: comedian, 36, and talk-show host 39, Los Angeles.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... Kimmel: We have a unique relationship in that I'm the woman and Sarah's the man. Kimmel: Women are always colder than men are, but if she can be hotter than I am, she'll also be that. So whichever is most uncomfortable is which way she'll...

James Watson: scientist, 78, Cold Spring Harbor, New York.(Interview)
January 1, 2007... Never fight bigger boys or dogs. The cost of DNA sequencing is going to change the world much faster than I would have thought. We can resequence someone now for $150,000. Can you reach the $1,000 genome? I'm skeptical of that. But just...

Clive Davis: impresario, 73, New York City.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... > So here I am meeting with you on a fucking Saturday--I didn't know it was Rosh Hashanah! I'll be struck down! > I grew up orphaned when I was a teenager. I take nothing for granted. Failure's right around the corner. > I found myself...

What you've learned: our third annual collection of wit, wisdom, and weirdness from our readers' lives.(What I've Learned)
January 1, 2007... If waiter in France looks at you and tells you that you won't like what you just ordered, trust him. Ditto Spain.--Todd Lowe, 45, Hong Kong A little eye contact goes a long, long way. Just be careful of where it is you want to go.--Mike...

Jaime Pressley: Actress, 29, Los Angeles.(Interview)
January 1, 2007... * I'm a woman; I'm going to fluctuate. * Determination is kind of like rhythm: You can't teach it. I've always had this voice inside of me saying, "You're going to do it, don't give up!" Maybe it's because I have a lot of testosterone. I...

Rick Rubin: Record producer, 43, Los Angeles.(Interview)
January 1, 2007... > What I've learned is a hard question to answer. Learning is ongoing. > When you're a kid, you don't really know the difference between magic and spirituality. > At one time, science said the world was flat, and everybody believed...

Penn & Teller: Magicians, 51 and 58, Las Vegas.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... * Penn: Almond M&M's. They're a symbol of our success. Here, try a couple. These are very hard to find. * Teller: When you bite into them, you're surprised. They are very different from Peanut M&M's. And that's by a lot. * Penn: When I...

Jack Bauer: counterterrorism expert, [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII.],Los Angeles.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... > Fuck diplomacy. > Actions speak louder than words. Though shouting can also be effective. > If you shoot a man's wife in the knee and he still doesn't give you the information, he's bad. > Revenge is the cruelest trick. I've...

Alan Arkin: actor, 72, Santa Fe.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
January 1, 2007... * Things are never going to turn out the way you think they will. * Improvisation has been crucial to my whole life; it's what we're doing all the time. * What I've learned about teaching is to refer back to the root of that word,...

Forest Whitaker: actor, 45, Los Angeles.(Interview)
January 1, 2007... > My eye? It's a genetic thing. My dad had it and now I have it. You know, I just found out that it may be correctable a little bit, because it does impair my vision. When I look up, I lose sight in this eye. I think maybe for other people, it...

The last man standing: Norman Mailer, the only World War II--generation writer left, staked it all on manhood and the novel. Fifty-eight years after his first book, eighty-three years old, what does his oversized life mean?
January 1, 2007... [1] "Nobody was born a man," he once wrote. "Manhood was earned provided you were good enough, bold enough." He also wrote that "there are two kinds of brave men: those who are brave by the grace of nature, and those who are brave by an act of...

Point blank: sure, the hours are long and the alleys are dark. But if there's one thing you learn, it's that crime pays. As long as you're equipped with the proper accessories--before and after the fact.
January 1, 2007... PAIRED WITH A $2,300 SUIT, A GUN BECOMES A THING OF BEAUTY Double-breasted wool suit ($2,295), cotton shirt ($450), and silk tie ($135) by Armani Collezioni: silk-and-cashmere scarf ($440) by Charvet; leather gloves ($46) by Perry Ellis;...

Sobriety chips: milestones in celebrity abstinence.(This Way Out)
January 1, 2007... TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE NICOLE RICHIE 3 MONTHS WITHOUT FOOD TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE PRES. MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD 5 1/2 MINUTES WITHOUT DENYING THE HOLOCAUST TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE JOHN MARK KARR ...