Esquire articles from January 2003

Esquire archives from January 2003

The sound & the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
January 1, 2003... OUR NOVEMBER ISSUE featured our favorite modern Bond, Pierce Brosnan, on the cover and promised a naked movie star inside. What we failed to mention was the naked editor who accompanied her there. Mary-Louise Parker wrote about the art of...

Wild Turley.(Letter to the Editor)
January 1, 2003... Also in November, contributing editor Tom Chiarella visited with New Orleans Saints All-Pro offensive lineman Kyle Turley, who won the hearts of some fans last season when he ripped the helmet off an opposing defensive back who'd endangered...

Fixing the heart.(Letter to the Editor)
January 1, 2003... The centerpiece of November's comprehensive guide to the heart and heart attacks was Ted Allen's compelling account of a rare, noninvasive new procedure called alcohol ablation. It is used to combat some forms of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy...

Browsing the collectibles. (Man at His Best).(items about Jill Hennessy)(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... Browsing the collectibles section of eBay, right next to the Jill Hennessy mouse pad and the Jill Hennessy signed lacy shirt, you recently could have found a lovely "Addicted to Jill Hennessy" frame for your license plate. Seriously. Kind of...

The 9 most remarkable things in culture this month. (The Awards).
January 1, 2003... 1. Best Book We Won't Be Covering The Soy Solution for Menopause, by Machelle Seibel, M.D. 2. Best Jukebox Advice The Modern Gentleman an new book on etiquette for men. "Your dollar is a well-considered three-act passion play, not a...

The rules.(about life)(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... Rule No. 409: No matter how furtive or quick the glance, a woman always knows when you're looking at her breasts. Rule No. 428: If you live long enough, you will resemble a gargoyle. Rule No. 451: Asking your date if you can come up "just to...

The Scorsese of Omaha: Nebraskan director Alexander Payne talks about ugliness, Hummels, and Jack Nicholson's hair. (Entertainment).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... AGES FROM NOW, when historians recall what the filling of America--the chewier parts between New York and L. A.--once tasted like, they'd be wise to order up the movies of Alexander Payne. It's not simply that the 41-year-old director and...

Smell strong. (The Opposite Sex).(men's cologne)(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... BACK IN THE 70'S, in the days before the explosion of Polo cologne and Polo Sport and Cool Water and all those citrus-clean, wet-ocean--unisex, even--smells from Calvin Klein, men's colognes were musky, spicy, funky things. They came in brown...

The complaint: where did all the baby fat go? (The Opposite Sex).(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... I like skinny girls. I admit it. It's something genetic, encoded. But there's a limit, even for me. Something ghastly is happening to the fetchingly plump young women of television and movies--an emaciation that is entirely appalling....

Three more books for your shelf.(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... Po Bronson interviews 50 working people and asks them how much meaning (or lack thereof) they derive from their jobs in his captivating and useful book What Should I Do with My Life? (Random House, $25). Geoff Dyer's Yoga for People Who Can't...

Oz infinitum. (Culture).(influence of television program on culture)(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... TOM FONTANA (OZ CREATOR) & LEE TERGESEN (OZACTOR) As the last eight episodes of Oz approach, viewers have been concerned about what will happen to the characters once our gritty HBO prison drama is no more. We are happy to announce the...

Big important book of the month.('Samaritan')(Book Review)
January 1, 2003... FORMER HIGHLY PAID Hollywood TV writers actually have consciences? The premise for Richard Price's new novel, Samaritan (Knopf, $25), seems so treacly as to be nauseating: A showbiz guy named Ray who's kicked a nasty crake habit returns to the...

Car of the month: the Nissan Murano.(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... CAR OF THE MONTH: The Nissan Murano who said an SUV had to look like a woolly mammoth? The Murano, named after the Italian islands famous for blown glass, has graceful curves, clean lines inside, and aluminum trim. With SUV capability but a...

Things a man should know about travel. (Advice).
January 1, 2003... 1. it's about the journey, not just the destination. 2. Well, sometimes it's about the journey--like when you're the sort that bobbles his yatch from Newport to Islesboro or treks to Machu Picchu. 3. It's not so much about the journey...

Mafia hit men, shooting stars & clean palates. (Answer Fella).
January 1, 2003... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a...

In sails: with spring around the corner and the America's Cup qualifier in full swing, nautical style is about to invade our shores. Esquire shows you the best way to get your sailing groove on. (Weekend).
January 1, 2003... Between the Sheets An honest sailor (easier to find than a sober one, in our experience) will admit that as much as skill and experience matter when he's jibing around the mark and trying to catch the shift, the gear he wears makes a big...

Increasingly Berserk developments: for the second time, Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze have teamed up to create a movie that is both fun and genre-stretching. Thanks. Plus: an early read on the controversial Hitler movie Max. (The Screen).('Adaptation' and 'Max')(Movie Review)
January 1, 2003... PEOPLE THINK THAT movie reviewers have it pretty cushy because we generally do, but believe me, trying to describe Being John Malkovich was no picnic. I don't think I've ever felt as helpless as I did while groping for an enthusiastic summary...

8 things you should know. (The Index).(books, music, video games and television programs)
January 1, 2003... MUSIC COLLABOARATION OF THE MONTH What do you get when two cult heroes wile live in the country decide to make a record together? You get Fear Yourself, a thoroughly enjoyable experience in low-fi pop, courtesy of Daniel Johnston (hero to...

10 things you don't know about women. (The Index).(Brief Article)
January 1, 2003... 1. All women love to be referred to as "m'lady". As in, "Would you like another beer, m'lady?" 2. We imagine all guys are a little bit angry when they masturbate. 3. When we start dating you and we're "holding out," the amount of time...

Toe tags of 2002: who won in Hollywood this year, who lost, and who didn't know there was a game. (The Industry).(Industry Overview)
January 1, 2003... IN ENTERTAINMENT--as in business--it's been a good year for losing. Many have lost so publicly and spectacularly (Jean-Marie Messier, Steve Case, Bob Pittman, Michael Ovitz...) that there's no point in humiliating them further. What's...

Robert De Niro [actor, 59, New York City]. (What I've Learned).
January 1, 2003... I like it when interviews are brief. Are we done yet? When I was a teenager, I went to the Dramatic Workshop at the New School. The school had a lot of actors under the GI Bill--Rod Steiger, Harry Belafonte, the generation ahead of me. I...

Ice Cube [rapper, actor, writer, 33, Los Angeles]. (What I've Learned).
January 1, 2003... Truth is the ultimate power, when the truth comes around, all the lies have to run and hide. A rapper is an observer of people, a mirror of the world around us. Mix that up with a whole lot of ego, then spit it out. I look at the rap...

The college sex columnists. (What I've Learned).
January 1, 2003... You want to know the facts of life? The really explicit facts of life? Pick up a college newspaper: Your average self respecting university nowadays boasts a bawdy student columnist who will tell you about the birds, the bees, and the...

Garry Shandling: [comedian; actor, age: it didn't matter until now; Los Angeles]. (What I've Learned).
January 1, 2003... I'm more handsome than I act. You're born a heterosexual. It's not a choice. Who would choose this? The guilt, the shame.., and do you think I'm happy having to hire a decorator? Call me old-school, but I miss the cold war. Men...

Ted Kennedy: [senator from Massachusetts, 70, Washington, D.C.]. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... If I could have a meal with anybody, living or dead, who would it be with? My brothers who left too early. My sisters. My parents. I always associated the times when we were together--and there weren't that many times when we were all...

Heather Locklear: actress, 41, Los Angeles. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... You can't keep changing men, so you settle for changing your lipstick. The older you get, the farther from the camera you need to be. Sex appeal is not on purpose. Anybody can say she's an actress. It's another thing to get a job....

The survey of the American man. (What We've Learned About You).
January 1, 2003... Reagan's the greatest, but Carter gets more respect. Julia Roberts is the sexiest, Bill Clinton the most loathsome, Carrot Top the second-most ridiculous. It's Madden over Miller, sex over blow jobs, and--surprise!--Gore in '04. Oh, and...

Sumner Redstone: [CEO, Viacom, 79, New York City]. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... There is no question you will ask that I will not answer. You have to fight for the last penny. If you don't fight for the last penny, you might lose the last ten million. I was born in a tenement. The bathroom was not in our apartment...

The chicken: [Ted Giannoulas, 48, San Diego]. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... I'm just a guy in a chicken suit. It started off as a lark for a radio station in San Diego in March 1974. They were doing a small advertising campaign with a cartoon chicken, and they decided to have somebody dress up in a chicken suit...

Chuck Barris: [game-show hots, 73, New York City]. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... I had a pillow in my bedroom that said NO REGRETS. It took me three or four years before I finally heaved it out of my apartment window. How can you 7+or have any regrets? It's impossible. No regrets? Bullshit. I don't believe anybody who tells...

Buzz Aldrin: [astronaut, 72, Beverly Hills). (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... Once you've been first, it cannot be done again. Not by you, not by anyone else. ! Success brings on great challenges. When you achieve something, you re categorized in that area. There s an...

George Martin: music producer, Fifth Beetle, 76, London. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... I had absolutely no idea in 1962 that I'd be talking to you about the Beatles in 2002. I must say, I'm quite grateful for it. The greatest attribute a producer can have is the ability to see the whole picture. Most artists, when they record...

Gerald Ford: former president, 89, Rancho Mirage, California. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
January 1, 2003... I had no plans to go to the white House. My political goal was to become Speaker of the House. I got diverted. I sometimes wish I had been Speaker. I knew a lot more about being a good legislator than I did about being a good president. But I...

The best of the best ...: over the past four years, some of our favorite actors, athletes, politicians, scientists, artists, and businessmen have told us what they've learned, and then some. (What I've Learned).
January 1, 2003... * You gotta try your luck at least once a day, because you could be going around lucky all day and not even know it.--Jimmy Dean * The bigger people are in life, the more big-league they are. That's been my experience. You meet less shits...

The shooting: it was after school, and Mom wasn't home from work yet. I don't remember how the .38 came out. What happened next I'll never forget.
January 1, 2003... WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN, I SHOT MY BEST FRIEND IN THE FACE and watched him (tie. I'm not trying to sound cold when I say it like that. I'm not a criminal, at least not to the people who matter. Not to my family: Not to his family. Not to my...

We can do this here ... or we can do this downtown.
January 1, 2003... Since you can't toss a cat in L. A. without hitting a cop show, meet the best of the badge wielders, old-school tough guys who meld the hard grit of Eastwood, the smooth style of McQueen, and the psychoses of Keitel's Bad Lieutenant into some...

81 things to do before the world ends.
January 1, 2003... You don't want to think about the coming apocalypse. But it's coming. You don't want to think about Saddam and North Korea's nukes and random sprays of bullets and Jennifer Love Hewitt's latest album, Bare Naked (one word). But if you don't,...

Confessionals of a dangerous body. (A Woman We Love).(actress Krista Allen)(Interview)
January 1, 2003... KRISTA Allen OUR FAVORITE X-FILES ALUM TALKS ABOUT MEN'S CLOTHING, TONGUE FOLDING, AND THE DEVIL INSIDE We have a confession to make: We loved Krista Allen before we really knew who she was. In Liar Liar, she was "that girl in the...

Why are these men laughing?(presidential adviser Karl Rove)
January 1, 2003... Maybe it's because the midterm elections went so very well. Maybe it's because at the White House, politics is the best policy. Maybe because it's the reign of Karl Rove. An inside look at how the most powerful presidential adviser in a century...