Esquire articles from February 2008

Esquire archives from February 2008

The finest minds in America.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... Our sixth annual Best & Brightest issue illuminated the work of thirty-six innovative minds, including cancer researcher Franziska Michor ("The Isaac Newton of Biology"); Lieutenant Colonel Tim Maxwell, who, after suffering a brain injury in...

That's not what we meant by finest.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... As the son of an electrical engineer with a mathematician's background, I have no doubt that Michor will achieve great success in the fight against cancer. Just one question: Does she have a mathematical formula to predict how many marriage...

Highlight from a letter we won't be running.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... "I had quite a similar experience involving Anson Williams and a Chuck E. Cheese." "It's what the woman checking your groceries smells like just after her break." "In my bar, I'd be required to beat the shit out of every single one of...

And she doesn't even have her trucker's license.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] The December issue also included recognition of the six best performances of 2007 and the actors responsible for them: Denzel Washington, Javier Bardem, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emile Hirsch, Robert Downey Jr., and Cate...

The man in the boat.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... Also in December, in the first of two installments, writer David Vann discussed his inspiration, preparation, and occasionally overwhelming fear before he set off to sail around the world. Alone. In a boat he made himself ("I Do Not Have a...

Okay, but the Mafia thing was all yours.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... Writer at large Chris Jones shared his newfound response to excessive provocation: hitting people (Man at His Best, December). Having recently punched out three different jerks within the same week (I had never hit anyone before in my whole...

It's people like you who are ruining our pla-oh. Thank you.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... It's 2:00 A.M. It's also Esquire-arrival day. All the lights are on in my apartment and, although the rates went up by 72 percent this past summer, I don't care. I've been too engrossed in this month's issue to turn them off. And then I read...

Charles, the next page is for you.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... What is the deal with your print and photo size lately? I am forty-eight years old and have been struggling to read much of the content of your recent issues, even with my reading glasses. Is this a green thing or something? The cruelest cut...

The angry Canadian.(LICENSED READER OF THE MONTH)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] In October 2007, contributing editor Thomas P. M. Barnett argued that the United States is bound to expand its borders ("The 51st, 52nd, 53rd, 54th, and 55th State'). His candidates for the next five states included...

The ubiquitous Rodney Cutler.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] It seems like everywhere we look we see our grooming writer Rodney Cutler. He's been on Rachael Ray and TLC'S Fashionably Late. He even had a cameo in the Disney movie Enchanted. Okay, maybe it's only everywhere our...

Tailors, extra pockets, holiday gifts, and a chance to save James Hurley's complexion.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... I have been looking for oldschool golf-pant patterns for a while, and I found what I was looking for and bought three yards just to be safe. Now I was hoping you could help me find a tailor in North County San Diego that I can trust. Can you...

My diary: a day with the angels.(BEHIND THE COVER SHOOT)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... 8:15 Few people have arrived. An exuberant Adriana Lima introduces herself to everyone she sees, including a shocked maintenance worker, who nearly crushes a Styrofoam cup of hot coffee in his bare hand. 10:00 All four women are ready to...

A big year begins.(EDITOR'S LETTER)
February 1, 2008... THERE ARE A FEW THINGS about this issue worth noting. First, as you may have inferred from the extra logo on the cover, this is the first issue of Esquire's seventy-fifth anniversary year. Anniversaries are one of those things that we all...

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
February 1, 2008... Thank you for your brief but inspiring profile of the best and brightest teachers in New York City ("Those Who Can," December). I have been a teacher for seven years, and while I firmly believe I am very good at what I do, these profiles...

The back story.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THIS PAST SUMMER, writer Nick Flynn accompanied lawyer Susan Burke to Istanbul to hear accounts of torture from former Abu Ghraib prisoners. Burke, who left a prominent Philadelphia law firm in 2005 to focus on...

75 years in 4 covers.(This Way In: THE MAKING OF THE COVER)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... This October will mark Esquire's seventy-fifth anniversary. As part of the celebration, which will undoubtedly include guacamole, we'll be reinterpreting four iconic covers from our past. We started with this one, based on a photograph of...

The photographers.(This Way In: THE MAKING OF THE COVER)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Frank Bez didn't create this now-iconic image specifically for Esquire. "It was a spec shooting that [Angie and I] did together," Bez says. "My agent sent it on to Esquire, they took a liking to it, and they've been using the damn thing ever...

This month's cover: the stats.(This Way In: THE MAKING OF THE COVER)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Hours in the studio: 11 Shots taken: 385 Shots used: 13 Cost of entire original shoot: $70 Price of a single pair of the heels used in this shoot: $525 Minutes of footage available on esquire.com: 25 Esquire staff...

The organic apocalypse.(Disturbing Idea of the Month)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] When was the last time you saw something at a Whole Foods that really, really disturbed you? Besides the prices, I mean? Exactly. You didn't. Which is why it's weird to go to Whole Foods and see a book about...

The only new film you need to see: the early part of the year is a notoriously awful time for the movies. Thankfully, there's In Bruges.(Man at His Best)(Movie review)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... THIS REVIEW WON'T tell you anything about In Bruges because I refuse to spoil a single surprise. But you should know this: It recycles nothing. It's the Breathless of our time, a cheeky outlaw come to remind us that life always has other plans....

Reading.(THE LEISURE METER: How to allocate your free time this month)
February 1, 2008... READING Charles Baxter's eerie novel The Soul Thief about a mysterious character who slowly appropriates pieces of the protagonist's identity. 5 hours

Forgiving.(THE LEISURE METER: How to allocate your free time this month)
February 1, 2008... FORGIVING your friend for not returning your hedge clippers. 3 minutes

The woman from the thing: an abridged guide to vaguely identifiable actresses.(Film)(Table)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Film The Woman from the Thing An abridged guide to vaguely identifiable actresses What you probably What you'll call her in What her parents call her six months call her An ER actress;...

Soundtrack to this issue: go back to the cover, begin music, start flipping. This story will cost you $6.93.(This Way Out)(Sound recording review)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Maceo Parker, "Shake Everything You Got" This is why James Brown's funkiest gigs always featured Brown pleading, "Maceo, blow your horn!" (This Way In) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Air Traffic, "Charlotte" The British quartet unfurls a...

Things we won't be covering in this issue.(Man at His Best)
February 1, 2008... * The brand-new Fantasy Fishing game brought to you by FLW Outdoors. Redstamp.com's Secret Admirer program, a service that handwrites and anonymously sends Valentine's Day cards for you. Industrial/metal band Ministry's farewell tour, C U...

Big important book of the month.(Books)(A Fraction of the Whole)(Brief article)(Book review)
February 1, 2008... HERE'S MY PROBLEM: Pretty much every time I get to the last 50 pages of a long novel, I wonder, What the hell did I read this for? All that time. All the lost hours. You can almost feel veins pulsing in the writer's temples. Yet for some...

An illustrated history of the fetishized woman.(Man at His Best)(Complete Pirelli Calendars)(Brief article)(Book review)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] The Pirelli tire company's calendar was first printed in 1963 with 12 photos of fully clothed women next to things with tires: tractors, go-carts, etc. Then came January 1964's lonely beachgoer in a bikini. She was...

Watching.(THE LEISURE METER: How to allocate your free time this month)(Movie review)(Brief article)(Brief review)
February 1, 2008... WATCHING Be Kind Rewind (January 25), about two video-store clerks (Jack Black and Mos Def) who reproduce movies erased when one of them becomes magnetized. 1 hour, 40 minutes

Enjoying.(THE LEISURE METER: How to allocate your free time this month)
February 1, 2008... ENJOYING significantly less the inevitable YouTube reproductions of Be Kind Rewind. 1 hour

What the Japanese are up to: this month: fake women.(Invention)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] They're at it again, squirreled away in labs, futzing with switches, circuit boards, transistors, trying feverishly to surpass the limitations of today's technology. Only this time it's not antiquated TVs and stereos...

The 111 grittiest words published this month *.(Excerpt)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... "So piss on all the brutes. You bet I know Heart of Darkness. I read it when I was fifteen at continuation school, working nights at Taco Bell and pregnant with Bradley. I was re-reading it a few months later because I didn't quite get what he...

The angry German: sports fans.(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... (Note: This article is best read aloud in a German accent.) THIS MIGHT COME as a surprise, but I became a baseball fan here in the United States. While this is the most un-European of all American sports, I find it fascinating. It might be...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best 1)(Lena Headey)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... THREE ITALIAN NUNS go to heaven, and God says, "You've been so amazing, I'm going to send you back as anyone you want. Nun No. 1 says, I want to go back as Brigitte Bardot." God says, "Granted," and sends her back to earth. Nun No. 2 says, "I...

Shaving every day.(THE ENDORSEMENT)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Nobody likes to shave every day. It's time-consuming and irritating, but it's what men do. At least the ones without beards. And the ones who haven't embraced the Age o f Scruff, who know that a few days' stubble...

Talk to me baby: Ford's voice-activated Sync system changes the way we interact with our cars. And she's easy on the ears.(The Digital Man)(Product/service evaluation)
February 1, 2008... Last week, I test-drove a new Ford Edge into Manhattan and repeatedly got into the same conversation with strangers. The toll lady at the Midtown Tunnel: "Jeez, what kind of car is that? It looks great. An Edge? I'm gonna buy one." I had the...

How do I keep my brain smart?(Ask Dr. Oz)
February 1, 2008... Until just a few years ago, we doctors believed that the brain stopped making new neural connections--meaning that your memory began to get irreversibly worse--when the body stopped developing, usually in your early 20s. And we knew that, like...

Hot buttered rum.(DRINKING)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATIONS OMITTED] FEBRUARY. During its dark, cold days our faith in modern medicine is annually tested. Not only has the scientific method produced nothing to cure the common cold (February's state bird, as it were), it can't even...

Caught a wicked case of windburn.(FEBRUARY DILEMMA NO. 1.)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Consultant: Dr. Charles E. Crutchfield Ill, adjunct clinical associate professor at the University of Minnesota [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] {1} Wash your face with a gentle cleanser that won't strip your skin of natural oils and...

What's the best thing to do in that kind of awkward moment immediately after you have sex with a woman for the first time?(Sex)(Column)
February 1, 2008... Beyond inviting her in and taking her coat, don't feel driven to talk about the sex unless you have specific questions or need certain points clarified. Should the conversation turn intimate, however, i'm at a loss, so I've enlisted the help of...

You have slipped on a patch of ice but haven't yet fallen.(FEBRUARY DILEMMA NO.2)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Consultant: Lori Monson, physical therapist [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] {1} Plannt both feet on the ground and throw both arms out to the side. That's the quickest way to bring your body weight over your center of gravity and restore...

X rays calls of nature, dogs, & rainwater.(Answer Fella)(Column)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out...

How to keep 'em.(taking care of your shoes)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... NICE SHOES HUH? Shiny and smooth and shaped just right, they were handcrafted in the workshops of Stefano Bemer, the Florentine shoemaker who started designing a line for Valextra a few years back. You won't find them just anywhere, and if you...

How to hang 'em: the best equipment for your closet.(THE REFORMED MAN)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... (1) FOR SUITS Like so many public officials these days. suit jackets spend much of their lives in the closet. And the way to maintain their structure and shape is with hangers that mimic the slope and width of your own shoulders. To prevent any...

How to fold 'em: taking care of the little stuff.(storing clothes and accessories)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Ties Fold the tie in half lengthwise and roll upward from the narrow end. Store on its side. Ties by Dunhill, Polo by Ralph Lauren, and Charles Tyrwitt; box by Muji. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Sweaters ...

How to store 'em: there's the sloppy way to store stuff and there's the obsessive-compulsive way. These four options fall somewhere in between.(Man at His Best)(Buyers guide)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATIONS OMITTED] LEATHER GOODS A lot of bags come with a protective storage pouch, all the better to prevent them from someday resembling a beat-up football. Instead of throwing it out with the receipt, you can always use it....

More storage ideas for the fastidious man.(Man at His Best)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... Old photographs: acid-and-lignin-free photo albums or PVC-free plastic sleeves, always away from direct sunliqht. Important books: acid-free Mylar dust jackets, lined up vertically (i.e., spine up) so the pages don't stick together. Decades-old...

Nothing to worry about: nobody writes--or cares--about boxing the way Norman Mailer did, because no one fights anymore.(AMERICA)(Viewpoint essay)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I WAS NEVER A HUGE FAN of Norman Mailer's writing, but I always thought he was a deeply fascinating, impossibly singular, sporadically terrifying personality. When he died last November, people kept claiming he was...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... 1. PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It's a great excuse. 2. We really can pump our own gas. It's just that we've got this fantasy of you as a '30s-era full-service station attendant. You'd look so cute in the hat. ...

How to gift: gift giving--not on Valentine's Day or birthdays or Christmas, but as a way to communicate--changes the way the world sees you.(INFLUENCE)(Viewpoint essay)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WATCHING SOMEONE open a present is like watching porn. The exclamations are a little too loud. The personal radiance a bit too amped. The camera eye centers on, well, this thing, this process we all know: a flurry of...

The 2008 Esquire Auto Show: an exclusive, globe-spanning preview of the upcoming year in cars.(CARS)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS I've touched down in Tokyo, New York, Italy, Phoenix, and Italy (again). I have a mad case of jet lag. But I've also noticed a few things about the car industry--like that GM and Toyota are...

Colby Buzzell's State of the Union 2008: the president will be giving his last big assessment of our country later this month. He's a busy man, not able to leave the White House or his ranch much. So we decided to send our man on a little drive, pay the union a visit, and offer him some help.
February 1, 2008... While drinking beers in my friend Gabe's backyard, he tells me something I already know--but haven't been told yet--which is not that the state of the union is fucked, but that I'm fucked. This assignment to drive across the country and write...

Levity! Seventy-five years of storied history-in one easy page! This month.(75 Page)(Chronology)
February 1, 2008... Over the course of 2008, we'll use page 75 to cursorily salute o e aspect of our glorious past. So spend forty-five seconds perusing the rich history of Esquire humor, below. * You'll get the gist. AUTUMN 1933: ESQUIRE INVENTS HUMOR! ...

The ticking is the bomb: a memoir of torture.(Short story)
February 1, 2008... a telegram made of shadows This black-and-white photograph in my hand is an image of my unborn daughter. This is what I'm told. It is actually a series of photographs, folded one upon the other, like a tiny accordion. I was there when the...

Women: a love story.(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... For nearly seventy-five years, Esquire has celebrated women. Besides trying to challenge and amuse them, we've looked to woem for inspiration and instruction. This month, inspired by a little instruction Brigitte Bardot * offered us forty-two...

Black stocking: helpful poses & expert buying advice from the women of Victoria's Secret.(Buyers guide)
February 1, 2008... Blacking Stocking Classic stockings ($90) and bikini ($16) by Victoria's Secret. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ESQ: What's the first word that comes to mind when I mention black stockings? IZABEL GOULART: Sexy. ESQ: How would I...

Yes, you still hold the door: the Esquire guide to Chivalry now: this Valentine's Day, bestow upon her a very special gift: your consideration, your benevolence, your not acting like an ass.
February 1, 2008... READING HER RULES AND CODES ARE WELL AND GOOD, SO LONG AS YOU PICK YOUR SPOTS At lunch the other day, a guy I know, a professor, made a glib comment to a female colleague that she should solve a problem by sleeping with the student in...

What I've learned: Phil Jackson: coach, Los Angeles.(Interview)
February 1, 2008... > Your problems never cease. They just change. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] > I tell the kids that they're not going to be adults until they're twenty-eight, because they're playing a boys' game. It delays their maturation. > There's so...

Welcome to awesome town! Where everything's a line off, everyone's a little. strange, and Saturday Night Live's Andy Samberg is right at home wearing the season's best new collections.(SPRING STYLE PREVIEW)(Buyers guide)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "The elevator in my building is top of the line. EVERY TIME I'M ON IT, I feel like something truly special is happening in my life, like I've really made something of myself. THIS ISN'T THAT ELEVATOR, THOUGH. This...

Disorderly Conduct 2007 feaaturing "enhanced humor techniques": a reality storm of crazy senators, fighting dogs, idiot winds, and the most Dubious Achievement of all time.(THE 47TH ANNUAL DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] FORECAST OF THE YEAR "At this juncture, however, the impact on the broader economy and financial markets of the problems in the subprime market seems likely to be contained."--Federal Reserve chairman Ben S....

A single-elimination playoff battle royale!(THE DEATH OF THE DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] George W. Bush Never really got a chance. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] God Kind of a dick. God Not that into being green. Tom Friedman Simply refuses to lapse into shtick. God His early stuff was...

Yes.(THE WAKE FOR THE DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS)
February 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Yes, you and your YouTubes and wikis and Twitters and vacation blogs, you with your taste for the lurid and the insane, you and your pathetic voting record (Nixon? Bush? Jordin Sparks?). You are our inspiration and...

The official comedy-writer summit[R] Dubious Achievement send-off.(THE WAKE FOR THE DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... The TV- and movie-writers' strike late last year left many of America's best comedy writers criminally underutilized. Esquire came to the rescue. We asked for their help in planning how to retire the Dubious Achievement Awards. We gave them...

Physical-therapy exercises for other injurious situations.(This Way Out)(Brief article)
February 1, 2008... POST-BREAKUP [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Warm-up: Carefully place head between legs. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] When dizziness subsides, grip knife firmly, cutting limes for margaritas. Continue until pleasantly fatigued. ...