Esquire articles from February 2004

Esquire archives from February 2004

The sound and the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
February 1, 2004... THE EINSTEIN OF COMEDY, Will Ferrell, welcomed readers to our December issue, which profiled America's Best and Brightest, the radicals and rebels who are leading the way to a new world, from the scientists at DARPA (the Pentagon's research...

Thank heaven for little girls.(Letter to the Editor)
February 1, 2004... I may not be the longest reader of Esquire, but I bet I've read it longer than any of your other female readers. As proof, I enclose a 1945 picture of me at one year old reading the then-current issue. I read my dad's magazines until I went to...

Beck redeemed, no longer a dick.(Letter to the Editor)
February 1, 2004... Almost a year has passed since writer Tom Junod's story about the Flaming Lips ("Have You Met the Lips?" March 2003) suggested that indie sensation Beck might be a bit too self-important. (Okay, we might have called him a dick.) We figured the...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(The Looker; actor Monet Mozur )(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... Question: Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? Answer: Because he was looking for a tight seal. As told by MONET MAZUR About the jokester: Yes, Monet Mozur is named after the artist. Her father, who designed the now-iconic...

The 9 most remarkable things in culture this month.(The Awards)
February 1, 2004... 1 Best Worst Album Covers --From BizarreRecords.com 2 Most Innovative Assassination Attempt "In 1855, someone did finally take a shot at President Franklin Pierce--with a hard-boiled egg. After being taken into custody, the...

Country saviors? These two rock stars think they can save country music. The truth is, country music doesn't need saving at all.(Column)
February 1, 2004... KID ROCK'S GOT ME THINKING, and I never thought I'd say that. As if we needed a 21st-century Loggins and Messina, the self-proclaimed "Pimp of the Nation" is supposedly recording a duet with Sheryl Crow titled "Country Music Lost Its Soul."...

5 more records worth your lunch money.(Sound Recording Review)
February 1, 2004... Dan Reeder, Dan Reeder (Oh Boy): A folk artist in the traditional sense, Reader traded canvas for song because "some things you just can't paint." The result is an 18-song collection of quirky observations, from the self-explanatory "Food and...

BMW & Esquire host an exclusive evening to celebrate Juan Pablo Montoya.(By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers)
February 1, 2004... BMW and Esquire hosted an exclusive evening with Juan Pablo Montoya, BMW's Williams Formula-1 Driver. The event started with a champagne reception in an outside garden that showcased Montoya's Formula 1 racecar, the BMW 5 Series and 6 Series...

Salvatore Ferragamo & Esquire host an evening of speed & style.(By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers)
February 1, 2004... On November 20th, Saivatore Ferragamo & Esquire hosted an event that brought over 150 guests to the Salvatore Ferragamo Flagship store on Fifth Avenue. The Speed & Style event featured the 2003-2004 collections from Salvatore Ferragamo and...

Painting with bloob: no, Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill isn't the most violent movie ever mode. It's just the bloodiest love story.(Movies)(Movie Review)
February 1, 2004... FOR A FLICK THAT NOT ONLY opened at number one but also looked all set to provoke a king-sized media tantrum about its bloodiness, Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill--Vol. 1 ended up as a curious kind of non-event. In chastened hindsight, The New...

A DVD worth owning.(Movies; The Rules of the Game)(Video Recording Review)
February 1, 2004... The sweet rot of Gallic society frames Jean Renoir's The Rules of the Game, a masterpiece of France's cinematic golden age and o flop upon its initial release in 1939. "The reaction was a kind of loathing," wrote the director, and it's no...

Big important book of the month.(Books; Project X: A Novel)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
February 1, 2004... IT'S TERRIBLY INCONSISTENT, the lag between a major historical event and the moment when the fiction it inevitably inspires begins to surface. Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead appeared just three years after the end of World War II; Don...

One of our own.(Books; Scary Monsters and Super Freak: Stories of Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll and Murder )(Brief Article)(Book Review)
February 1, 2004... RAPPER EAZY-E, hospitalized, dying of AIDS, Congressman Gary Condit, in his SUV convoy, trying to live down an intern's mysterious death. Porn star John Holmes, high on cocaine, trying to putt off one of the most ill-conceived burglaries in...

Random knowledge about drugs.(Books; from Out of It: A Cultural History of Intoxication )(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... From Stuart Walton, author of Out of It: A Cultural History of Intoxication (Three Rivers Press, $14), o new book about the history of drug use * Starting in the 1850s, Queen Victorio's physician prescribed marijuana in Her Majesty's tea...

The boring life of a curator.(Found Image)
February 1, 2004... WE CAME ACROSS THIS while dutifully thumbing through a new art book called Curve. The Female Nude Now (Universe Publishing, $40). This series, the book tells us. is called Strip No. 4 Curator, and the women pictured happens to be the artist...

Wine math.(Food & Drink; wine suggestions)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... Wine is hard. Math is hard. Add them up and they're easy. [1] CHAMOMILE TEA + GOLDEN DELICIOUS APPLE + PINEAPPLE DUN-DUNS LOLLIPOP = MOREAU CHABLIS PREMIER CRU ($32) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [2] CLOVES + DARK PLUMS + LEATHER =...

Secrets of the deli counter.(Food & Drink; advice from Ari Weinzweig, author of Zingerman's Guide to Good Eating )(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... WHAT RICKY JAY IS TO MAGIC, Ari Weinzweig is to Parmigiano-Reggiano, fragrant olive oil, and Tuscan salami. Which is to say he's a self-taught expert, historian, and guide in his chosen field: specialty foods. Weinzweig is cofounder and chief...

The fanciest lard money can buy.(Food & Drink; Niman Ranch's back-fat lard )(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... HEALTH ALERT: ALL that antilard nonsense is just a big fat misunderstanding. Lard--which has less saturated fat than butter and almost none of the trans-fatty acids you'll find in polyunsaturated substitutes like Crisco-Hs a comparatively...

Nicotine gum, Muzak, Italian driving & blousing.(Answer Fella)
February 1, 2004... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. so ask answer fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a...

The rules.(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... RULE NO. 36: The better looking the person, the more concerned he or she is with the exact preparation of his or her coffee RULE NO. 745: The third doughnut is always exactly one and a half doughnuts too many. RULE NO. 954: Humor works only on...

Barry Sonnenfeld's gadget of the month.(Column)
February 1, 2004... IF THERE WAS ANY QUESTION that the future is in fiat-panel televisions, the announcement that Sony stopped producing its famous Trinitron Line of tube TVs answered it. The Trinitron is my favorite; I hove dose to a dozen of them, from 9 to 40...

The hand-held gadget of the month.(The Digital Man; Handspring Treo 600)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... ... .LIFE IS FULL OF COMPROMISES, end so is the bag of PDAs and cell phones I take with me on my travels. It was thus an exciting day when the new Handspring Treo 600, the second generation of the popular combo PDA/cell phone, arrived. It looks...

Getting our goat: the second generation of the Pontiac GTO is roaring, into showrooms. We take it for a lead-footed spin.
February 1, 2004... CRUISING NORTH ON CALIFORNIA'S windy highway 10l, the new Pontiac GTO looks anonymous in its commuter-car skin; its Corvette engine gurgles half awake. But when a white Lincoln with designs on my lane drifts over, a reflexive tap on the gas...

Tuning up the Acura TL.(Column)
February 1, 2004... HAVING JUST BOUGHT TWO NEW CARS, I was debating with Sweetie (the wife) which one to drive into New York City to get dented by a garage attendant. So imagine my joy when Esquire called to ask me to test-drive (and listen to) the new Acura TL, a...

The opening night gala at the Esquire apartment.(By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers)
February 1, 2004... On October 9th, Esquire held the opening night gala of The Esquire Apartment, a 90th floor penthouse apartment located atop the Trump World building. The event featured some of Esquire's "Women We Love" such as Urea Thurman and other...

Esquire's manual on the three-layer suit.(The Guide)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... THE FINAL PRODUCT It's about layers. Your mother probably taught you that the first time she sent you out in the snow. And she'd be proud of the Layered combo above. Adding the sweater shows that you carefully, but not too carefully,...

All-American: suit designer Thom Browne is one at the most talked-about fashion newcomers in years because he understands what you, the American mole, really want.(Man of style: Thom Browne)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... TO LOOK AT HIS SUITS, YOU'D THINK that he was born from the meticulous tradition of Savile Row or perhaps that he's a descendant of the original nineteenth-century suit tailors of Abruzzi. But Thom Browne is neither. He is as American as they...

The new black guys: many of the ghetto kids coming into the NBA these days aren't from around here. And now that American-style basketball has changed players all over the world, they're starting to change us in return.
February 1, 2004... SOMETIMES CULTURE IS CARRIED IN UNLIKELY VESSELS. When Z was younger, he'd find a quiet sidewalk patio or a spot by the river and open up comic books. He'd bend his seven-foot frame down low to study the pictures, running his fingers over the...

What Warren Sapp, Daryl Hannah, and Dave Eggers have in common: or, what's with all the freakin' pirates?(Chuck Klosterman's America.)(Column)
February 1, 2004... WE ALL WANT THINGS. WE ALL NEED THINGS. We all want to need things, and we all need to want them. This is not double-talk; this is truth. America is traditionally perceived as a consumer culture, but it's really more of an acquisition culture....

A million-dollar idea: CNN Classic.(Letter to the Editor)
February 1, 2004... Whenever I match television, I usually find myself asking two questions. The first is, "Why hasn't ESPN Classic made a SportsCentury about Roger Staubach?" The second is, "Why doesn't VH1 Classic ever show the video for 'Don't Answer Me' by...

Sex.(questions answered)
February 1, 2004... The parsley-pineapple-semen connection can be puzzling, and not just for those unlucky few who have to clean up after one of Woody Horrelson's parties. Some sag there is a link between what you eat and the flavor of gout semen. Others maintain...

Six crazy men and a blond: after years of driving a major studio and dodging the spectacular corporate car wrecks of some of Hollywood s most notorious megalomaniacs, Stacey Snider may finally have found a good ride.
February 1, 2004... IT WAS ON THE COMPANY JET that Stacey Snider began to get that sinking feeling again. It was October 2000, not long after Edgar Bronfman Jr. had sold Universal to the ambitious French former water company Vivendi. Snider was part of a...

Q+A: LL Cool J.(The Industry)(Interview)
February 1, 2004... >> Ever since he stopped the rap world upside the head at age 16 with 1984'S "I Need o Beat," Cool James that the Ladies Love has been LL Cool J. But from here on out, in his film work at least, LL wants to be known by his given name, James...

Ed Schultz: who would have guessed the Democrats would find their own Rush in a thick-necked, trash-talking former conservative from Fargo?(Man of the Month)(Interview)
February 1, 2004... IT'S 1988, AND AN ANGRY FAN AT A NORTH DAKOTA STATE football game has just flung a whiskey bottle into the radio-broadcast booth. Most ordinary announcers would ignore the incident. But the man behind the mike this day is not ordinary....

Ten things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... 1. When we say, "I don't Like to play games," it's because we are very experienced at playing games. 2. A funny guy will win over an interesting guy, provided the funny guy is not o down. However, in time, the funny guy will become...

In the Phaeton, the new luxury car from Volkswagen, you'll feel like you're riding on air.(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... And that's in large part due to the fact that you are riding on air. With a state-of-the-art adjustable air suspension system, the Phaeton is constantly maintaining an even keel, regardless of road conditions or how much cargo you may be...

Italian style.(Style agenda: a special promotion for esquire readers; wine accesories from Alessi)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... Among the newest designs from Alessi, Italy's hip design company, are Bolly, a wine cooler that comfortably cradles even the grandest bottle of champagne, and Pescher, an expandable trivet that wittily resembles the catch of the day snagged in...

Dubious Achievements 2003.(Cover Story)
February 1, 2004... (If only something Dubios had happened this year. If only a pop star had been accused of molestation. Or a crappy actor had become governor. Or an airhead heiress had shot a porno. Or our president had said Something really freakin' stupid....

Pop quiz: Jesus versus Mel Gibson.(Religion; who said what)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... It's getting harder and harder to tell the difference! See if you can figure out who said what. 1) "Blessed are the meek, for they shall, inherit the earth." 2) I want his intestines on a stick." 3) "Take heart, son; your sins ore...

Queer Eye for the terrorist guy: we ask for tips from the stars of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Bravo).(Style)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... Kyan Douglas, grooming: Actually, today's alleged terrorist mastermind is going sons mustache--I mean, last I checked, this was 2004. And don't even talk to me about the manscaping situation, here. Bleccchh. Ted Allen, food and wine: What...

The ten most reprehensible Michael Jackson jokes.(For The Love of God, Please Don't Read ...)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... 1) What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen? Got two fives for a ten? 2) Why did Michael Jackson rush to Kmart? He heard boys' pants were half off. 3) Knock knock, Who's there? Little boy blue. Little boy blue...

If Rachel and Ross can make peace, why can't we all?(Jennifer Aniston's desire to bring peace to the Middle East satirized)
February 1, 2004... "Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, and Danny DeVito are among celebrities hoping their star power can help achieve peace in the Middle East. The Hollywood bigwigs... plan to appeal to Israeli and Palestinian 'ordinary folk' to bring peace to a...

Carla Gugino: a woman we love: in the movies, she's a spy. On TV, a cop. Sure, criminals can run--but why would they want to?(Interview)
February 1, 2004... When CARLA GUGINO stepped into the rote of Karen Sisco in the ABC series of the some name, she had some big britches to fill: J. Lo's. It was Lopez's generously seated pants that first stunned criminals into submission as U.S. marshal Sisco in...

The lost boys.(Video gamers.)
February 1, 2004... There's a subset of manhood in America: adult males who are forging ambition, sex, money, love, adventure to sit in darkened rooms mastering video games. In Memphis they have a name for it. It's called THE ORDER OF LIGHT. ROWA, a...

Esquire University course selection guide: we searched the planet for the greatest, most exhilarating, manliest educational institutions. We learned how to race luges, shoot down miGs, end make one hell of e veloute. Here, our final report.
February 1, 2004... CULINARY ARTS 101 $1,850 Students master the basic concepts of broiling, souteing, braising, poaching, and face-stuffing DURATION: Five dogs LOCATION: Hyde Park, New York REGISTRATION: 800-888-7850; ciachef.edu CLASS...

The most explosive book of the year: Ron Suskind: The Price of Loyalty.(Interview)
February 1, 2004... During the last two years, RON SUSKIND has written two stories for Esquire that explored the innermost workings of the Bush White House. The first was his profile of senior adviser Karen Hughes. Six months later, he wrote about Karl Rove....

Five ways to wear a suit: Esquire goes inside cable's most refreshing news show, CNN's Anderson Cooper 360[degrees], to prove that the classic pinstripe is endlessly versatile.
February 1, 2004... THE ANCHOR. ANDERSON COOPER, ALL DRESSED UP. THREE-BUTTON SINGLE-BREASTED WOOL SUIT ($1,350) BY CANALI: COTTON SHIRT ($145) BY CORNELIANI; SILK TIE ($150) BY BRIONI; LEATHER LACE-UPS ($555) BY SALVATORE FERRAGAMO. About your host: He...

What I've learned: Robert Altman.(Interview)
February 1, 2004... Director, 78, New York City I never knew what I wanted, except that it was something I hadn't seen before. Words don't left you what people are thinking. Rarely do we use words to really tell. We use words to sell people or to convince...

Last letters home.(correspondence of American soldiers who died in Iraq)
February 1, 2004... OF THE HUNDREDS OF SOLDIERS WHO HAVE DIED in Iraq in the post year, the average age was twenty-six. Some were straight out of high school, and same were reservists with military careers in the distant past. From private to lieutenant colonel...

The five-minute guide to ... the primaries.
February 1, 2004... BACK WHEN MEN WERE MEN and our presidents wore wigs, Washington power brokers met in private and mode the tough choices for us. If only things were so simple today. Between primaries and caucuses, delegates end superdelegates, deciding whom to...

Close up: suede shoes: Esquire unlocks the mysteries surrounding the other leather shoes, including how to clean them, what styles to look for, and what to do when they get stuck in the rain.
February 1, 2004... How should I wear them? In 1924, the Prince of Wales, that dapper risk taker, scandalized Long Island's Meadowbrook Country Club by sporting brown suede shoes with his flannel suit. Some called them brothel creepers. By the 1930s, however,...

Suggestions to God for the New Year.(This Way Out; humor)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2004... 1) The Flaming Lips play at every wedding. 2) Every employee at Home Depot knows where the two-inch nails are or their checks don't clear. 3) More colors for pandas, less colors for peacocks. 4) Anyone who uses the word absotively...