Esquire articles from August 2004

Esquire archives from August 2004

BrunoMagli Fall-Winter 2004/2005.(Style Agenda)(Advertisement)
August 1, 2004... The BrunoMagli men's collection for Fall-Winter 2004/2005 is best characterized by simple, sleek forms that are gradually endched with precious particulars, fusions, allusions, and unusual details. The collection borrows and reinterprets echoes...

Shadow Divers.(Style Agenda)(Advertisement)
August 1, 2004... In the tradition of Jon Krakauer's Into Thin Air and Sebastian Junger's The Perfect Storm comes a true-life tale of riveting adventure and mystery, pitting human courage and technology against unimaginably hostile conditions. "An...

H2 sport utility truck.(Style Agenda)(Advertisement)
August 1, 2004... Introducing the H2 Sport Utility Truck. Like the original H2, it's characterized by unparalleled off-road performace, interior luxury and boldness. However, it takes shape in a slightly different form. With a Foldable midgate that creates a...

The sound and the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
August 1, 2004... WITH HELP FROM a mischievous canine, the beautiful Carmen Electra welcomed readers to our June issue, packed with all things summer, from great food roads ("Drivin' & Eatin'") to fishing advice ("The Skills of Summer"). Inside, contributing...

Your Jesus or mine?(Letter to the Editor)
August 1, 2004... Months after Tom Junod profiled the most influential figure in the world today ("Jesus, 2004," May), the article continues to elicit a charged response. Just when I was thinking of canceling my Esquire subscription because of all the...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best)
August 1, 2004... One night a man rolls over in bed, giving his wife a big grin. She says, "Not tonight, honey. I have a gynecologist's appointment tomorrow. I want to stay fresh and clean." The man, feeling rejected, rolls over and tries to go to sleep. A few...

The seven most remarkable things in culture this month.(The Awards)
August 1, 2004... (1) Best Surfboard --From the End, a photo book about Montauk, New York, by Michael Dweck (2) Sauciest Language "Fuddled, muddled, rat-faced, arseholed, rather hightitty, bit by a barnmouse, has a brick in 'is hat, sniffed the...

Bait and switch: will Open Water's much-hyped, real-life sharks be enough to make it this summer's Blair Witch Project?(Movies)(Movie Review)
August 1, 2004... "WE'RE GONNA NEED a bigger boat," Roy Scheider famously mutters to Robert Shaw when the massive great white in Jaws finally pokes its jagged maw into the frame. For Susan and Daniel, the two scuba-diving yuppies at the center of Open Water, the...

Q+A: Sam Raimi.(Movies)(Interview)
August 1, 2004... SPIDER-MAN 2 director Sam Raimi was just 22 when his 1981 feature debut, The Evil Dead, earned him a reputation as a master of decadent gore. The Quick and the Dead left him splattered in box-office failure, but in the subsequent lull, he got...

The roots, reconsidered with its new album, the Tipping Point, hip-hop's best live act has finally made its breakthrough record.(Music)
August 1, 2004... HIP-HOP HAS MORE THAN ITS SHARE OF DIRTY SECRETS, namely that the most credible act in the game has been like a four-year-old at Thanksgiving--better seen than heard. Live, the Roots have offered ridiculous bang for your buck for more than a...

Music lessons with John Mayer.(Music)
August 1, 2004... THIS MONTH'S LESSON: ALL ACCESS IT'S NO SECRET that America has an ever-growing love affair with "art access." People feel slighted if they can't be privy to every facet of their favorite stars' lives. (I'm waiting for Us Weekly's...

Brutally honest personals.(Books)
August 1, 2004... Alison Griffith Age: 30 Height: 5'4" on a good hair Day Weight: I have an hourglass figure, only it's about 2.5 hours. Occupation: I hire and fire temporary employees (until I get fired myself). Location: Orange County....

Really short reviews.
August 1, 2004... 1. D. B. (Doubleday, $24), bg Elwood Reid. A thoughtful. and funny imagining of the life of D. B. Cooper, who in 1971 hijacked an airplane with the threat of a fake bomb, took off with $200K and a parachute, and was never seen again. 2. Be...

Big important: book of the month.(Book Review)
August 1, 2004... LET'S FACE IT--some people really, really love Fight Club. For those devotees, Chuck Palahniuk is a truth-sayer. Remember his mantra: Greed consumes us, consumption numbs us, testicles are the heart of the matter. The book is still one of my...

Trend: a new kind of driving range.(Sports)
August 1, 2004... THOSE 18 HOLES at your country club might be nice, but how fast can a golf cart go? Twenty miles per hour? Maybe 30 on a downhill? Eh. Perhaps you want your weekend activity to have a little more velocity, more g force, higher decibels. You're...

Random knowledge about extreme sports.(Sports)
August 1, 2004... FIRST, NEVER CALL THEM EXTREME SPORTS unless you want to appear extremely dorky. The preferred term among those in the know is "action sports." * In terms of trick moves, the most morbid of action sports is probably freestyle motocross....

How to save tennis.(Sports)
August 1, 2004... DESPITE better-than-ever talent, today's pro tennis is about as must-see as a Chris Kattan movie. To avoid going the way of the NHL, the sport needs a savior, or at least a few good ideas. Well, here's the shocker: John McEnroe has an opinion...

Hand signals: throwing shapes with the captains of industry.(Style)
August 1, 2004... SO, BIG MAN, you've invested your $2,000 bonus in your first top-of-the-line suit. It's a joy, isn't it, your position in the grand scheme of things made manifest in wool? But just one question: Where do you put your hands? To look as if...

If you never buy another: watch.(Style)
August 1, 2004... THE IWC PORTUGUESE CHRONO-RATTRAPANTE is the only watch you'll ever need to own. Why? It's not because of its rose-gold case, the timeless dignity of its face, or the 136 years of watchmaking experience behind it, although these are all fine...

The guru: sound sartorial advice from Bill Hancock, style expert.(Style)
August 1, 2004... Question of the month: Lately I keep noticing guys flipping up the collars of their suit jackets. What's up with that? YOU'VE JUST STUMBLED upon the biggest movement in men's style, my boy--tailoring. The American man is quickly discovering...

Anywhere but here: our skeptical director joins the cult of BlackBerry.(The Digital Man)
August 1, 2004... LAST MONTH, I wrote about some new portable computers I tested while directing a television pilot for CBS starring Stanley Tucci. On the first day of the shoot, my television agent from the manly Creative Artists Agency flew in to New York to...

The endorsement: movie headphones for the hearing unimpaired.(The Digital Man)
August 1, 2004... BELIEVE IT OR NOT, there was a time when people went to movies to escape the world. It was dark. And quiet. And the only smelt was popcorn. Nutty, I know. There was a kind of wacky etiquette as well. You could tell people to be quiet... and...

The Kentucky project.(Food & Drink)
August 1, 2004... * BOURBON is corn whiskey. Only it isn't, really, no more than a Hershey bar is pure chocolate--although whereas Hershey rounds out the main ingredient with fun stuff like cocoa butter, milk fat, and soy lecithin, the bourbon distillers have...

Peruvian is the new Mexican.(Food & Drink)
August 1, 2004... CHANCES ARE, A TACU TACU BELL hasn't opened in your neighborhood yet, but just wait. We are in the midst of a Peruvian invasion, with new restaurants making brilliant use of the country's signature ingredients--abundant seafood, richly flavored...

Two Caesars, one superhero smack-down & seven rats.(Answer Fella)
August 1, 2004... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a...

The rules.
August 1, 2004... RULE NO. 149: The best villains have accents and walk slowly RULE NO. 203: You don't pay at the dentist. RULE NO. 219. The phrase "assure the position" should be avoided on the first date. RULE NO. 241: Beware of restaurants that have walls...

Between the lines.(the Esquire Guide)
August 1, 2004... THE SUBTLE ART OF THE STRIPE Ever since the Duke of Windsor brought his blue-and-red-striped regimental tie stateside in 1919, stripes have been an American fashion staple. And yet they also present men with a hefty dilemma: how to wear them...

The restless man.(Real Adventures for Regular Guys)
August 1, 2004... THIS MONTH: Riverboarding WHERE: An hour from Sacramento DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY: Can you swim well? Don't mind being a human pinball? COST OF WEEKEND: $430 (plus travel) DEGREE OF FUN: Think world's largest water slide ...

Boycott the Olympics, save America: is the home team really worth rooting for?(Chuck Klosterman's America)
August 1, 2004... "HOW CAN YOU HATE THE OLYMPICS?" they ask me. "Are you some sort of antipatriotic subversive? Don't you appreciate the genius of Bob Costas? Can't you understand the majesty of world-class Ping-Pong?" These are the questions I face every other...

The clown who started it all.(Chuck Klosterman's America)
August 1, 2004... * Last year's Capturing the Friedmans was the kind of documentary that forces its audience to ask many questions: Who here is guilty? What does guilty really mean? How does one deal, with the persecution of a loved one, particularity if that...

Sex.
August 1, 2004... * I am a very passionate man who loves foreplay, oral sex, and making sure my woman is satisfied before I am, but my wife's libido is nonexistent. All my friends tell me I am what women dream of. What is going on here? There's no telling...

Drug of the month: hornet juice.(Getting Better)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2004... World-class athletes have been known to eat worms, sip the blood of soft-shelled turtles, and suck down reindeer milk--all in the name of enhanced performance. So when Japanese marathoner Naoko Takahashi won the gold in 2000 and chalked it up...

How to relax in public.(Getting Better)
August 1, 2004... I'VE ALWAYS hated public speaking. On my List of appealing experiences, I'd rank it somewhere between adult circumcision and a Vincent Gallo film festival. But recently, it got a Lot more tolerable. I found salvation in a tiny orange pill...

Ask Dr.Oz: free advice from a medical professional!(Getting Better)
August 1, 2004... If I'm gonna snack at my desk--and I am gonna snack at my desk--what should I snack on? Almonds, hazelnuts, and walnuts. Buy 'em raw, mix 'em up, and keep 'em in a cool place. Nuts are the perfect snack because a) they're delicious, b)...

Johnnie Walker Black scotch tasting.(By Invitationly)(Advertisement)
August 1, 2004... On April 7th, Esquire & Johnnie Walker Black hosted an exclusive scotch tasting event at Opera restaurant in Chicago. Opera was chosen by Esquire's Food and Travel Correspondent John Mariani as one of the "Best New Restaurants" in America. ...

What it feels like to be ... Trump: "I nod, and it is done".(What It Feels Like)(Editorial)
August 1, 2004... You are about to experience the heights and depths of the human condition. From the insane (DRIVING 675 MILES PER HOUR) to the terrifying (A VOLCANIC ERUPTION) to the absurd (BEING DONALD TRUMP), we present our fourth-annual feature of amazing...

... To go over Niagara Falls without a barrel.(What It Feels Like)
August 1, 2004... [By Kirk Jones, 41, daredevil] IT WAS A SUNNY DAY, cold and crisp, 11:30 A.M. on October 20, 2003. I was wearing just blue jeans, a T-shirt, tennis shoes, and a light red jacket. I could see the mist rising off Niagara Falls; you never see...

... To be a human bull's-eye.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Dave Young, 42, law--enforcement trainer at Fox Valley Technical College in Appleton, Wisconsin] FOR ME, a typical workday can involve getting pepper-sprayed, hit with electric darts, and blasted with the ferocious kind of weaponry...

... To be a phone-sex operator.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... ["Autumn," 23, phone-sex operator and college student] AUTUMN: Hi, how are you? ESQUIRE: I'm good. How about you? AUTUMN: I'm great. Thanks for asking. You feeling horny? ESQUIRE: Um, well actually... I'm a writer. ...

Backstage at Brandi's.(What It Looks Like)
August 1, 2004... Going backstage at the Vancouver strip club Ben Affleck made famous actually means going upstairs--up a stairwell, outside the club, down a hallway and into a tiny office-looking room where the dancers get dressed. A reminder that this is like...

... To be attacked by a Leopard.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Julie Miles, 34, postal worker] EVER SINCE I WAS A SMALL GIRL, I dreamed of owning a majestic spotted Leopard. Growing up, I settled for a black cat named Panther, but all along I had a name picked out for a leopard: Jovani. Twenty...

... To tackle the Super Bowl streaker.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Matt Chatham, 27, linebacker, New England Patriots] JANET JACKSON wasn't the only one to bare a nipple at the halftime show. In fact, a man named Mark Roberts bared two. He was the Super Bowl streaker--though CBS shrewdly chose to point...

The world's oldest man.(What It Looks Like)
August 1, 2004... [Fred Hale, 114, retired farmer and beekeeper] NURSE: Fred, what time do you get up in the morning? FRED HALE: Well, I might get up around half past four or five. N: What do you do most days? FH: I just lounge around, Can't do...

... To be in a helicopter crash.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By John Wolf, 47, traffic reporter] I'M ENJOYING atypical morning on Thursday, April 11, 2002. From the backseat of the traffic copter, I can see the shadow of our ship dance across the surface of Bachman Lake in Dallas. We're going about...

... To catch a 3,427-pound great white shark.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Frank Mundus, 78, retired fisherman] Captain Frank Mundus and Donnie Braddick caught a sixteen-and-a-half-foot great white off Montauk Point, New York, in 1986. It is the largest fish ever caught on a rod and reel. The irascible Mundus...

... To survive a tsunami.(What It Feels Life ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Howard Ulrich, 77, who Lived through the Lituya Bay, Alaska, tsunami of 1958] IT WAS A WALL OF WATER, straight up and down, about two hundred feet tall, and it was black-totally black from the soil and trees. It was traveling about...

The world's smallest mammal.(What It Looks Like)
August 1, 2004... [The pygmy shrew] Though it weighs less than a dime, it's a tough little bastard. It'll attack nearly any animal that crosses its path, including other pygmy shrews. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

The world's largest head!(What It Looks Like)
August 1, 2004... Our highly scientific methodology: 1. Track down people who had snapshots taken with Kerry. 2. Get them to measure their own head. 3. Extrapolate. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

... To survive a volcanic eruption.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Andrew Macfarlane, 43, geochemist, Florida International University] WE HEARD A LOUD BOOM. The noise didn't knock me down, but it was as bud as a military jet breaking the sound barrier. Even then, I wasn't really sure what the sound...

... To survive a doomsday sect.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By R. Daniel Foster, 47, film and TV director] TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS AGO, I left Minnesota for California with $257 in my pocket. I was nineteen. I had come to Malibu to follow the edicts of a woman I would come to call Mother: Elizabeth...

... To drive 675 miles per hour.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Craig Breedlove, 67, who has broken the land-speed record five times on the Bonneville Salt Flats and Nevada's Black Rock Desert] THE SENSATION THAT'S MISSING in an aircraft or in a boat over the water is that close proximity, to the...

Carmen Electra's panty drawer.(What It Looks Like)
August 1, 2004... Carmen doesn't keep her drawer of drawers in her bedroom. "It's actually on the other side of the house, in a room that was converted into a closet," says photographer Chris McPherson, who took the shot below, Such are the storage measures one...

... To stay awake for 11 days.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Randy Gardner, 58, day trader, who set the record for the longest documented case of sleep deprivation in 1964, at age 17] IT WAS CHRISTMAS VACATION, my senior year in high school in San Diego. I was kind of a geek, and I was determined...

... To shatter your jaw.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Jeremy Roenick, 34, center, Philadelphia Flyers] I'VE BROKEN PROBABLY about twenty bones in my life. I've broken both wrists--one twice and one three times--and I've broken my arm once. I've broken all my fingers, three or four of my...

The inside of Mark Cuban's jet.(What It Looks Like)
August 1, 2004... The Dallas Mavericks' owner paid $41 million for his Gulfstream GV, considered the biggest purchase ever made over the Internet. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Dirk sat here. Once, when the team's charter was grounded by a blizzard, Cuban...

...To be a prison sex slave.(What It Feels Like ...)
August 1, 2004... [By Roderick Johnson, 35] SOON AFTER COMING to Alfred prison in Texas, Bret Ramos claimed me as his own. He told me I had two choices: I could submit, or I could die. Thus began my Life as a prison sex slave. What most people don't...

What it tastes like: would you like ground pepper with your slug, monsieur.
August 1, 2004... What It Tastes Like Would you like ground pepper with your slug, monsieur? WHAT IT IS WHAT IT TASTES LIKE MONKEY BRAINS Soft and jiggly, they have a slightly ...

Please stand by while the age of miracle is briefly suspended: how the president is trying to kill my daughter.
August 1, 2004... A damp, nasty Thursday, January 15, 2004. The President's Council on Bioethics is meeting in the downstairs conference room of the Wyndham Hotel, four or five blocks from the White House. Minimal risk-to-benefit ratios for cutting-edge medical...

The culture war quiz: which America do you belong to?
August 1, 2004... (TALLY YOUR POINTS AS YOU GO ALONG) 1 Who should be on Mount Rushmore? A. Spiro Agnew, Calvin Coolidge, Ann Coulter, both Bushes. (-7) B. Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, Teddy Roosevelt. (1) C. FDR, JFK, Bill Clinton, Paul...

The case for George W Bush: i.e., what if he's right?
August 1, 2004... IT HAPPENED AGAIN THIS MORNING. I saw a picture of our president--my president--and my feelings about him were instantly rekindled. The picture was taken after his speech to the graduating seniors at the Air Force Academy. He was wearing a dark...

Kim @ fifty: Kim Basinger doesn't do interviews. Neither does novelist John Irving. So we figured, hell, why not get them on the phone and have them interview each other? We couldn't get them to shut up.(A Woman We Love)(Interview)
August 1, 2004... Both Kim Basinger and John Irving have little left to prove, and maybe that's why both are hesitant to do interviews. But they did let Esquire eavesdrop as they discussed their recent collaboration, The Door in the Floor, directed by Tod "Kip"...

The extra 10%.
August 1, 2004... Fall Style Preview This falls breakout collections have a point of view. Whether it's high fashion or purely classic, whether it's casual of conservative. its all about standing out from the crowd, Fall fashion; is not about sweeping...

Jack Lalanne: guru, 89, Morro Bay, California.(What I've Learned)
August 1, 2004... I'm going to be ninety in September. Everybody else can have a piece of the birthday cake, but not me. I have rules, and I follow 'em. No cake, no pie, no candy, no ice cream! Haven't had any in seventy-five years. It makes me feel great not...

A fish story: pro bass fishing is the new Nascar. Bigger! It's the new rock 'n' roll. Bigger! Hey, it could happen.
August 1, 2004... It's Saturday morning, and outside nothing but blue skies and breezes. I'm watching Behind the Music. I'm watching Behind the Music again even though I don't much dig Behind the Music. Even though I've already seen this and every other episode...

Esquire's (2004) world records for men.(This Way Out)
August 1, 2004... Most yoga classes in lifetime by straight guy not looking to get laid: 2, Steve Armogida, Newton, Massachusetts, who just had really tight hamstrings. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Most unnecessary speeding tickets within 20-minute span: 4,...