Esquire articles from August 2003

Esquire archives from August 2003

The sound & the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
August 1, 2003... LOWERING HER GUNS and stripping off the leather, The Matrix's Carrie-Anne Moss stared down our readers from the cover of the June issue. Inside, writers Scott Raab and Ron Reagan offered Father's Day memoirs, and David Sedaris took us to a...

The Legacy of abuse. (the sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
August 1, 2003... Though published in the May issue, contributing editor Tom Chiarella' s devastating account of being sexually abused by a high school teacher ("My Education") continues to elicit stirring responses from readers. I just read Chiarella's...

Peta Wilson. (Man at His Best).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... You have not lived until you call up Peta Wilson and she seductively whispers into the phone, "Hello, baby, beautiful thing." Yes, Peta! I think you're beautiful, too! Every inch of you! Let's run off to a beach hut in the Papua New Guinea of...

The awards: the eleven most remarkable things in culture this month. (Man at His Best).
August 1, 2003... 1 Best Paragraph About the Word ASS "At West Point, the ass is on the chopping block; it's either getting ripped or it's getting sunshine piped up it. There's chewed ass and, if you have quick enough footwork covered ass. Your ass gets...

The ADD critic. (Movies).(Michele Ferenc, writer with severe attention deficit disorder, names ten (really 7) favorite films)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... * The ADD Critic We're not Philistines: We like movies with intricate plots and character development. But sometimes we want a flick that just grabs us by the cojones. So Esquire turned to a woman with the attention span of a gnat on...

The conversation. (Man at his best).
August 1, 2003... In 1976, HARVEY PEKAR, a brooding, self-obsessed file clerk from Cleveland, teamed up with pal R. Crumb to produce the autobiographical comic book American Splendor. Now Pekar and his rants about daily life are the subject of a quirky,...

Two more books for your beach bag. (books).(Where the Truth Lies; Playing Partners: A Father, a Son and Their Shared Addiction to Golf)(Book Review)(Brief Review)
August 1, 2003... Shelve the pretentious stuff and pick up a copy of Rupert Holmes's Where the Truth Lies (Random House, $25), a narcotically addictive thriller set in 1970s L.A. that involves a murder, a love triangle, and, of course, a comedy team. Longtime...

Big important book of the month. (books).(In Praise of Nepotism: A Natural History)(Book Review)
August 1, 2003... WHAT DO ants, Chinese clans, Don Corleone, King Saul, and Indira Gandhi have in common? They all have practiced the ancient art of nepotism. Why? Because it is a basic animal instinct beneficial to the individual, the family, and perhaps...

Heidi chronicles. (books).(The Effect of Living Backwards)(Book Review)(Brief Review)
August 1, 2003... In April 1998, Esquire published a story by Heidi Julavits titled "Marry the One Who Gets There First: Outtakes from the Sheidegger-Krupnik Wedding Album," which later appeared in The Best American Short Stories 1999. It was a really good...

Random knowledge about Benjamin Franklin. (books).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... FROM BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: AN AMERICAN LIFE, A NEW BIOGRAPHY BY WALTER ISAACSON Franklin published a "drinker's dictionary" of about 250 synonyms for being drunk. Try "biggy," "cherubimical," or "halfway to Concord." As an advocate of...

Fire in the hole! (sex).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... Once, after preparing some guacamole, I needed to relieve myself. In the process, I got a bit of jalapeno juice on my little friend. Minutes later, I was at the bathroom faucet sans pants, furiously attempting to quench an inferno of pain. So I...

The long weekend in which Tom Chiarella takes the new "24-hour Viagra" for a spin. (sex).(Cialis tested)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... I SUSPECT VIAGRA works only because of the brilliant rhyme of its name, calling forth those mighty falls. Viagra is a destination, a place where you might build a fort, start an empire. And, really, what else is a hard-on but a sausage-sized...

The endorsement: the missionary position. (sex).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... ORIGINALLY PUSHED ON native peoples as the only holy way to do it the missionary position often stands accused of being prim and uninspired. Add to that the fact that missionaries are about as sexy as three-bean salad and there seems little to...

The extravagant man: the $8,000 grill. (food & drink).(Weber's 56-inch Vieluxe grill)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... How childish it is that we men spend our Whole lives masking our insecurities in suits and cars. A truer measure of virility is our grill. Weber's 56-inch Vieluxe grill has all the power (75,000 BTUs of searing power) and gadgetry (four...

License to chill. (food & drink).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... WHEN IT'S 98 IN THE SHADE and everyone's sweating around a pit of scorching coals waiting for their sizzling meat, a brew can seem like holy water. Which is fine, except for the water part. Sometimes you want something with more flavor, not to...

John Mariani on restaurants: the surreal world. (food & drink).(Restaurant Review)
August 1, 2003... LET'S START WITH THE BATHROOMS. There are 12 of them, each in the shape of a giant L'eggs panty-hose container, and they look like alien space pods ready to blast back to their home world. Wherever that might be, it's probably no stranger than...

Things a man should never do past the age of 30. (advice).
August 1, 2003... 1. See any movie with elves, mutants, wookies, or other nonhuman characters on opening night. 2. Use more than one exclamation point in a row. 3. Flash the hang-loose hand sign, even if he is actually hanging loose. 4. Get news...

The rules.
August 1, 2003... Rule No. 41: When you die, they will find your porn. Rule No. 111: A PBS tote bag does not make you an intellectual. Rule No. 228: Movies that feature a fat person in the starring role are invariably sad. Rule No. 229: Or very, very funny. Rule...

Dangerous jokes, citizen Kane & Newton's fruit. (Answer Fella).(Letter to the Editor)
August 1, 2003... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. SO ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a...

7 ways to be entertained in ... Aug. (the index).
August 1, 2003... A Manifesto Chuck Klosterman, author of Fargo Rock City, which had the distinction of being the greatest book ever published about hair metal, has written the damn funny Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto (Scribner, $23), a...

The guide: the road warrior. (what to wear now).(jacket described)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... Easy, rider. Don't get too excited. Yes, this is the coolest jacket you've ever seen. But while it's admittedly ultrastylish, it's also got the beat up, vintage feel of an old, grandfather's-attic find, unimpeachable with any pair of denim you...

Step step. (how to wear a reversible jacket).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... Inside out: 1. Jacket ($605) by Allegri. 2. Shirt ($155) by Corneliani. 3. Tie ($150) by Ralph Lauren Purple Label. 4. Cardigan ($1,110) by Malo. 5. Trousers ($450) by Gianluca Isaia. 6. Boots ($415) by Salvatore Ferragamo; socks ($23), Polo by...

Show your stripes. (the style guide).(buying a pinstripe suit)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... By now you should know that a pinstripe suit is just about the handsomest thing you can put on. But what's the difference between a three- and a four-figure model? Start with material: The higher-end suit will be made from very fine wool, often...

The over-under: pinstripe suits. (the style guide).(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... (High) 1. Corneliani ($1,295) Two-button single-breasted wool-and-cashmere suit. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 2. Hickey Freeman ($1,195) Three-button single-breasted wool suit. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 3. Brioni ($3,750)...

10 things you don't know about women.
August 1, 2003... 1. To start: Bad tipping and being mean to your mom are universal deal breakers. And even the most ardent feminist wants a guy to know how to drive stick, 2. We find boyishness attractive when it involves tousle-haired enthusiasm, not when...

Shivers: one of the things you learn watching a man get on a million-dollar bull: fear is infectious. (the game).(bull rider Chris Shivers attempts to stay on Little Yellow Jacket for a million dollar prize)
August 1, 2003... Shivers COWBOYS WEAR COWBOY HATS FOR good reason. For starters, pulling on a stiff-brimmed ten-gallon drum--along with indigo Wranglers, alligator-skin boots, and a handsome set of tasseled chaps--builds an unshakable sense of self,...

The endorsement. (world team tennis).(aka WTT)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... SUDDENLY, SOME TENNIS to look forward to. This year, once Wimbledon has wrapped, the World TeamTennis season kicks off. It's sloppier, sillier, and a lot more rowdy; just think of WTT as the tour's afterparty. A WTT match consists of five...

Training camp for bettors. (the game).(gambling's Kelly Criterion: amount a person wagers on a bet should be equal to advantage of that bet)
August 1, 2003... I AM ABOUT TO IMPART to you the single most important truth in gambling. Sit down: Your instinct is going to hate it. Increase the amount of your wagers when you're winning, and decrease the amount of your wagers when you're losing. ...

Sex.(questions answered)
August 1, 2003... When erect, my penis has a pronounced curve to the left. Could there be a reason it is so askew, and is it something to be worried about? It's not usually something to worry about. You probably have a very common condition called...

Back to the Terminator: the Reagan-era fantasy of using time travel to fix our world-threatening mistakes has new legs in the era of Bush. (the screen).
August 1, 2003... BECAUSE CALIFORNIA IS A BIG STATE and my mother-in-law lives there, I figure it's the responsible thing for me to keep tabs on its next governor. So I suppose I'll have to drag myself out and catch Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines one of...

Q&A: Chris Cooper. (the screen).(Brief Article)(Interview)
August 1, 2003... * CHRIS COOPER was instantly transformed from a "that guy" character actor to a household name when he won an oscar earlier this year for his portrayal of a toothless orchid thief in Adaptation. Esquire spoke with Cooper just before his return...

The screen quiz.(horror movies: Freddy vs. Jason)(Brief Article)
August 1, 2003... Long just a hypothetical battle waged by worldwide horror geeks, Freddy vs. Jason opens on August 15. Find out if you're ready for the battle of the franchises: 1) Which of the slashers has the most victims? 2) Who is resurrected after a demon...

The tech. (the screen).(Brief Article)(Buyers Guide)
August 1, 2003... AT A COMPACT THREE BY FOUR inches, Sharp's new "Z" line of digital camcorders solves many of our nagging frustrations with the damn things. The genius CG silicon screen has almost double the resolution of a typical display, and thanks to its...

The blue-chipper: Robert Randolph's first studio album, Unclassified, is a kinetic, genius announcement that the steel-guitar superman is here to stay. (music).
August 1, 2003... AS NICE AS IT WOULD BE TO TRADE IN Stone Temple Pilots' shriveled career for Coldplay's potential and a piece of John Mayer's action, there's not a decent rock 'n' roll equivalent to fantasy baseball. And for good reason. There would be too...

Five more records worth your lunch money. (music).
August 1, 2003... Guster, Keep It Together (Palm/Reprise). This band's long flown under the radar, passing on melodic pop gems to thousands of fans. From the album opening "Diane," this, Guster's fourth collection, threatens to ruin its stealth, with enough...

What does it feels like to be Jennifer Lopez? ... "What does it feel like? The short answer, I guess, is this.... It feels crazy sometimes." It's like being in the middle of a tornado. It's like whooooooosh, you know what I'm sayin'? It's like Dorothy--you wake up and find yourself in the land of Oz. .(Interview)(Cover Story)
August 1, 2003... TODAY, I WENT BACK TO WORK on the film I'm doing with Robert Redford, An Unfinished Life. We'll be up here in Kamloops, in British Columbia, for another couple of months. I won't be back home until next April. At which point, I guess, we'll...

What It Feels Like.
August 1, 2003... You are about to experience the heights and depths of the human condition. From the sublime (stealing home, by Rod Carew) to the insane (parachuting from space) to the terrifying (getting stuck in a submerged submarine), we present our annual...

Close-up: all about patterns from hounds' teeth to births' eyes, the low-down on the season's suit patterns that matter. (Esquire style).
August 1, 2003... STRIPES No matter what kind of girth your maturity has brought you, a well-fitting pinstripe will correct it, the beholder's eye into its long vertical lines to make a longer, skinner-looking man out of you. Popularized in the twenties and...

Democrats in their natural habitats: is there a giant-killer in the house?
August 1, 2003... We know what President Bush, modern master of the staged photo op, looks like. In the following pages, enter the private lives of the men who would be the standard-bearers of the opposition party. And on page 90, we suggest a different...

The general: the smart money doesn't give the guys on the preceding pages much of a chance against W Maybe no one has a shot. But there's one guy who can make it interesting.
August 1, 2003... Okay, let's leave aside the question of which party in American politics represents the interests of the Philistines and which the Israelites, as well as the question of whether a president who dons a warrior's togs for the sake of appearance...

Ray Charles: musician, 72, Los Angels. (What I've Learned).(Interview)
August 1, 2003... Music is about the only thing left that people don't fight over. People couldn't understand why my mama would have this blind kid out doing things like cutting wood for the fire. But her thing was: He may be blind, but he ain't stupid. ...

The country of San Francisco: this fall, it's all about merging the rustic with the civic, applying urban elegance to casual rural style. Esquire brings together the best chefs of one of the great food cities with their country counterparts to celebrate the harvest season.(Buyers Guide)
August 1, 2003... [DOWNTOWN] San Francisco mayor Willie Brown, above, on lunch: "For more than thirty years, I've been lunching downtown here with good friends, the movers and shakers of this city Herb Caen, George Moscone, Wilkes Bashford, Dianne Feinstein. I...

The five-minute guide to ... the world's remaining tyrants.
August 1, 2003... 1. Kim Jong II, NORTH KOREA Title: Great Leader Born: In 1942 in a Siberian army camp, where his father had fled to escape the Japanese. Power grab: Inherited power in 1994 following the death of his dad, President Kim II Sung,...

Rakkasan:... the elite battalion of the elite 101st Airborne was the last to get in the game in Iraq... Their objective: Baghdad airport. The story of 2nd platoon, Charlie Company.
August 1, 2003... [PART 1] THE DESERT THE SHAMIYA DESERT in southern Iraq is a hard place. Dry winds suck the moisture out of the air. Storms fill the sky with clouds of brown sand that blot out the sun. At night, a north wind takes the temperature down to...

Mandela was late: he'd been my best rehab job. But once a con ... (This Way Out).
August 1, 2003... MANDELA WAS LATE. Frankly, as a parole officer, you root for your thugs to come late or, better yet, not show at all. They get kicked back in the can where they belong, and you have time for a sandwich. But somehow, I felt different about...