Esquire articles from April 2009

Esquire archives from April 2009

What you wrote about.(THIS WAY IN: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)
April 1, 2009... The February issue addressed some of the most important concerns facing the Obama administration: the current state of our country, the future state of our country, and buffalo wings. [GRAPHIC OMITTED]

Where we've been, where we're going.(THIS WAY IN: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Kicking off the February issue was writer at large lore Junod's argument that the acquiescence of the American people in the stunning failures and excesses of the last eight years played a major role in bringing us...

How (not) to be (too) green.(THIS WAY IN)(Brief article)(List)
April 1, 2009... Being eco-friendly is a good thing, so long as you do it right: without sanctimony or personal inconvenience. (For more. see page 65.) To make sure you don't let things get out of control however, we thought we should offer you this list. ...

On the launch.(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... The February issue also included writer at large Chris Jones's account of the launch of the space shuttle Endeavour ("Go"), perhaps the final night launch in the program's history Jones's description of the emotion you feel waiting for a...

Why does no one wear Dino t-shirts?(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... Stephen Marche's recent column ("What's So Bad About Socialism, Anyway?" February) focused on the popularity of socialism--not so much as a political philosophy but as inspiration for fashion designers. Marche was right-on. I've been so...

You folks sure are sarcastic.(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... I was struck by the balance of insight and information that Scott Raab brought to both the financial situation and to Jim Cramer as an icon, messiah, and crank ("Someday We'll All Look Back on This and Laugh," February). But what really...

It's not like we insulted your city.(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... Your idea of a comprehensive study of buffalo wings (Man at His Best, February) is to sample a handful of national chains that happen to be available in Manhattan? Next time you should make the trip to Buffalo. Here are a few places to help get...

Those responsible: Nate Silver.(THIS WAY IN)
April 1, 2009... You've probably heard of Nate Silver, the guy behind the Web site FiveThirtyEight, com, whose prediction of the popular vote in the last election was within 0.6 points of the outcome. He's also the guy behind our new chart-heavy column, The...

Let hard times drive us.(THIS WAY IN)
April 1, 2009... AS RELIEVED AS we all should be that there is a "stimulus" now coursing through the country's veins, is anyone else a little unsettled by the implications of greatly enhanced government control over some of our most crucial industries? Not...

Reaction meter: "we strive for five!".(THIS WAY IN)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Although the customer-satisfaction survey in the February issue was a joke, many of you took it seriously enough to send in responses. And some of them were not the glowing reviews we requested. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Or maybe we did.(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... Not to seem thin-skinned, but I'd like to point out that for a place that has "little else to inspire pride and heritage," Buffalo actually has some great things to offer. Or maybe those other magazine and newspaper articles were mistaken. ...

We strove for five.(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... The February issue concluded with Tom Junod's tongue-in-cheek customer-satisfaction survey ("We Strive for Five!"). You rate a solid 4 on your survey, thanks to your terrific profiles--John H. Richardson on Vice-President Biden ("Joe"), A. J....

Elsewhere in the bin.(THIS WAY IN)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2009... After reading A. J. Jacobs's profile of Mike Huckabee, I couldn't help but feel that Huckabee needs to put those hundred-something pounds back on. He's much too easy to see through. He looks at the world from a devoutly Christian viewpoint, but...

The equal-opportunity endorsement: Palestinian women.(THIS WAY IN)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... This month Man at His Best celebrates the current spate of beautiful Israeli women in the media (page 41). In our own modest bid to promote understanding, it seemed like a good idea to present some equally lovely women of Palestinian heritage,...

Breakfast with Cranston: the star of AMC's Breaking Bad on desperation, hubris, talent, and mustaches.(MAHB: Film and Television)(Bryan Cranston)(Interview)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ESQUIRE: What is it about you that makes you able to do both the wacky clad on Malcolm in the Middle and this guy? BRYAN CRANSTON: Funny, I was just thinking about that. When you're an actor in grade school, high...

The last buddy comedy: I Love You, Man is pretty much the end of one really long, really awkward American moment.(MAHB: Film and Television)(Movie review)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] IN I LOVE YOU, MAN, the movie's two heroes meet over a fart joke. Then they deepen their bond in a converted garage stocked with drums and guitars and a "jerk-off station," a table of lotion and condoms on permanent...

The rules.(MAHB: Film and Television)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Rule No. 325: You can do a lot for your diet by eliminating foods that have mascots. Rule No. 334: No digging into the bag of popcorn during the last third of the movie. Rule No. 376: Bed and breakfasts require more socializing than either...

Nation of the month: Israel: all of a sudden, Israel is producing more than its share of spectacularly beautiful models and actresses. A visual guide (with trivia!).(MAHB: Women)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] GAL GADOT, 23 Hometown: Rosh Ha'ayin. Where you've seen her: On the news, after she appeared on a semi-scandalous party invitation for the Israeli consulate. Where you'll see her next: Riding shotgun with Vin...

The endorsement: the fourth Saturday in April.(MAHB: Women)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... South Africa has Namaqualand daisies, which mark spring with a blast of flowers that paints miles of its usually arid western coast Christina Hendricks orange, It's probably amazing. Us? We have Opening Day, And It has nothing to do with...

A brief introduction to Sag Harbor.(MAHB: Books)(New York)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... It was once a whaling capital. Graham Nash of CSN wrote "Teach Your Children" there. John Steinbeck wrote The Winter of Our Discontent there and of the town told a friend, "I grow into this countryside with a lichen grip." Jackson Pollock is...

The coolest writer in America: Colson Whitehead is widely admired, ever smooth, a master of writing important books. If only he would try pissing people off.(MAHB: Books)(Interview)
April 1, 2009... EVERYBODY DIGS COLSON WHITEHEAD. Since we're talking literary fiction here, let it be understood that when I say everybody, I mean hardly anyone. I mean aging former English majors who wear bookish specs. I mean editors at The New Yorker and...

Funny joke from a beautiful woman.(MAHB)(Amber Heard)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... TWO DRIVERS climb out of their cars after colliding at an intersection. One pulls a flask from his pocket and says, "Here, have a nip of whiskey to calm your nerves." "Thanks," says the other driver, taking a swig. Here, you have one,...

The lightning round: if you had one of the world's foremost medical experts cornered at a party, what would you ask him?(MAHB: Dr. Oz)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Is reading in dim light actually bad for your eyes? No. You'll probably get a tension headache from all that squinting, but your eyesight isn't affected at all. When someone sneezes, then touches a doorknob,...

A celebration of utter utility: the occlusal guard.(MAHB)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Two words will save you many thousands of dollars: occlusal guard. If your dentist hasn't mentioned it--and chances are, the bastard hasn't-tell him you want one. Pronto. Because every night, a lot of us--you, me, and the Dalai Lamaare inclined...

The golden age of American meat.(MAHB: Eating and Drinking)(Recipe)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ALL FOOD LOVERS, whether your fetish is foie gras or fashionable sprinkled cupcakes, eventually experience that glory moment, when suddenly, for some reason, it's everywhere you look. For devout carnivores, that...

The Dave: how to invent your own cocktail.(MAHB: Eating and Drinking)(Recipe)
April 1, 2009... MOST OF THE TIME when bartenders create a new cocktail, they're simply relying on a handful of tried-and-true patterns. Like the one that calls for two ounces of booze, an ounce of fortified wine, a teaspoon of liqueur, and a couple dashes of...

Three more cocktail patterns.(MAHB: Eating and Drinking)(Recipe)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... The margarita pattern: 1 1/2 oz liquor, 3/4 oz fruit liqueur, 1/2 to 3/4 oz lemon or lime juice. Shake and strain; cocktail glass. The stinger/rusty nail pattern: 2 1/4 oz liquor, 3/4 oz herbal liqueur. Serve on the rocks. The sour...

Things I played with while driving: with new gadgets in hand and the wife and dog in tow--Barry rolls out of this year's Consumer Electronics Show.(MAHB: The Digital Man)(Product/service evaluation)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] MOST OF THE 55,000 MILES on my Honda Ridgeline have been logged by Sweetie (the wife), Lucky (the Rhodesian ridgeback), and me, driving between East Hampton, New York; Telluride, Colorado; and Los Angeles. Sweetie...

Sex.(MAHB)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Q: I've noticed that when I'm doing the deed with women, they will suck on my fingers if I put them close to their face. What a turn-on! But where does that come from? Carelessness on your part. Apparently no...

Pyramids, lazy tongues, nonhuman puberty & David Caruso.(MAHB: Answer Fella)
April 1, 2009... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything, If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a...

The essential: the Panerai Luminor GMT.(Style)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Business travel today ain't for wimps, and for frequent fliers who sometimes feel as if they're in two places at once--their body stuck in some far-off conference room while their mind wanders to the comforts of...

Three for the road: the best travel gear for the man on the go.(Style)(Buyers guide)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... TO CARRY Bags made of buttery soft leather are great in theory, but for those of us who live in the real world of dog-eat dog airports and freak rainstorms, it's wiser to invest in a light weight, durable nylon bag. This Coach "gear bag"...

Five for the ages: classic luggage in production since ...(Style)(Buyers guide)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 1892 Hermes Haut A Courroie bag (from $9,300) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 1896 Louis Vuitton Monogram canvas case (from $3,880) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 1920s Globe-Trotter suitcase (from...

The packing orders: how to combine 8 basic staples into 18 different looks.(Style)(Buyers guide)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... FOR FORMAL BUSINESS MEETINGS: LOOK 1: 1 + 3 + 5 + 6 | LOOK 2: 1 + 4 + 5 + 6 FOR CASUAL BUSINESS MEETINGS: LOOK 3: 3 + 5 + 6 | LOOK 4: 4 + 5 + 6 LOOK 5: 2 + 3 + 5 + 6 | LOOK 6: 2 + 4 + 5 + 6 FOR EATING OUT WITH FRIENDS: ...

John from Cincinnati: a fashion-world favorite goes mass-market with Claiborne.(Profile)(John Bartlett)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THE PHONE RANG and he answered it. You could look at the whole of John Bartlett's life to understand how he came to design Liz Claiborne's new men's collection--the all-American childhood in Cincinnati, the Ivy...

Ask Nick Sullivan: the Esquire fashion director on Barack Obama's style, Superman's suit, and pompadours.(Style)
April 1, 2009... During the past few months, I've seen a lot of celebrities wearing suits and dress shirts minus neckties [Fig. 1], including the president [Fig. 2]. The Italianate term for this style is crapiopso, in my view--what's your take? --Joseph...

The incidental environmentalist: there are extreme sacrifices to be made for the good of the planet and all the people who dwell upon it, this story is not about those sacrifices.
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] We like green. Green apples. Green Bay. The Green Mile. Asparagus. And we have this sweater. Anyway, we like green, but we've never been "green." We're, shall we say, suspicious about any word so often swathed in so...

A thousand words about our culture: who's a tough guy now?
April 1, 2009... THE ONE SILVER LINING to the collapse of the world as we know it the one bit of bright in all that money sublimating into a dark putrid smog of despair, is that the era of the douchebag is over. The departure/of * W., that backslapping,...

The baseball bubble: have you been wondering when MLB is going to have to get real and stop with the multimillion-dollar contracts already? It happened in 2007.(THE DATA)
April 1, 2009... It's March 31, 1998, and you're feeling lucky: Baseball season has started again. On your way home from Shea Stadium to take in the Mets' home opener-they beat the Phillies 1-0 in a thrilling fourteen-inning affair--you stumble across a...

50 songs every man should be listening to.(List)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WHEN IT COMES TO MUSIC, consider us your friend. Not the pretentious friend who nods in approval instead of to the beat. Not the myopic friend who judges everything against Pavement. We're the friend with minimal...

Who the f#@& is Taylor Swift.
April 1, 2009... Content not available due copyright restrictions.

A smart talented man trapped in Lindsay Lohan's life: once you become a celebrity, can you ever be seen for what you really are? A serious look at Ben Affleck.(Interview)(Cover story)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] FOR SOME REASON BEN AFFLECK DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE HIS CAR. So he's picking me up at my hotel in a new hybrid sedan. White. Nice car but distinctly anonymous, devoid of detail, interior unblazoned by the obvious...

1 The opposite of hope.(FOUR WAYS OF LOOKING AT TIGER WOODS (ON THE OCCASION OF HIS RETURN))
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Here's the thing: He planned it. The win, the baby, the half year off. Probably in that order, too. And I don't mean that he was gambling on the knee holding up and then won, or that he underestimated the pain and...

2 A kind of biblical awe.(FOUR WAYS OF LOOKING AT TIGER WOODS (ON THE OCCASION OF HIS RETURN))
April 1, 2009... I DON'T KNOW WHEN I began to worship Tiger Woods. I have no use for golf, much less for watching it. It is not a sport to me, and golfers aren't athletes-they are bowlers with better breeding, more money, and less heart. Tiger Woods for years...

4 The creation myth.(FOUR WAYS OF LOOKING AT TIGER WOODS (ON THE OCCASION OF HIS RETURN))(Earl Woods)
April 1, 2009... I MISS EARL. In 1997, another magazine sent me off to do a cover profile of Tiger Woods. * This profile eventually would cause a certain amount of consternation because Tiger said some things and told some jokes that did not exactly fit...

The professionals.(ESQUIRE/STYLE)(clothing)(Buyers guide)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Doesn't matter if work entails car chases or conference calls: A killer spring suit gives any man bulletproot confidence and turbocharged style. Golden parachute not included. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] This...

And she can sing: an Esquire investigation into Katy Perry.(A Woman We Love)(Interview)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] IT'S PISSING RAIN IN LARCHMONT, where Katy Perry lives, just south of Hollywood. The twenty-four-year-old singer gets out of a silver Audi A6 wearing a headband...

The Esquire guide to minor transgressions.(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... We respect the law. We really do. Almost always. But sometimes--sometimes we know better than the law. We are smart people, and we can responsibly decide when to be irresponsible. It feels good, on occasion, to not abide. To think, Ah, what the...

Drunk scootering.(VIOLATION No. 48952: Operating a motorized vehicle while under the influence)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... I was drunk off my ass, going way too fast, swerving in and out of my lane, when I came to the light. Drunk driving on a scooter is way more exhilarating than in a car, but it's also about the dumbest thing you can do. I wasn't too concerned...

Running a red light when no one's around.(VIOLATION No. 1279: Illegal movement of a motor vehicle)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... It's happened hundreds of times. There is no one around. It's nighttime. I'm alone. I'm at an intersection--a crossroads, as it were--and the light is red. I run the light and I'm saving seconds, tops. So it's not about time. (If you can't...

A brief history of minor transgressions.(THE ESQUIRE GUIDE TO MINOR TRANSGRESSIONS)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Circa 1900 B.C. Lot's wife looks over her shoulder while fleeing Sodom. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] George Washington chops down a cherry tree. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 1846 In protest of the Mexican War, Henry David Thoreau...

Public urination.(Violation No. 23854: Disorderly conduct)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... "Pull over. I really gotta go." I had enjoyed dinner downtown and was on my way home with my wife and son when the wine and water began to take their toll on my bladder. In a family that thinks nothing of peeing in the great outdoors, this was...

Situational speeding.(VIOLATION No. 85416: Reckless driving)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Speeding is a testicular pleasure, pushing blood to places in your brain, your body--it thrills, it aches a little--offering the effect of making you feel outsized and made for more than this culture can provide. But let's be clear: I do not...

Driving without headlights.(VIOLATION No. 5168: Reckless driving)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Never do this. The most I ever did it for was seven seconds, probably. But every time seemed like forever. It was always on a stretch of Route 7 south of Burlington, Vermont, downhill, straight as a chalk line, dividing the cow pastures. I...

Public fornication.(VIOLATION No. 18731: Public lewdness)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... Unless you are a prostitute, hotels are a little exhilarating. Tiny amenities wait in the bathroom; sometimes a cookie or a weather forecast on your pillow at bedtime. Soup tastes better than at home. Twenty-dollar cashews. Hotels are...

Not licensing your dog.(VIOLATION No. 27741: Ignoring municipal law)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... I don't scoff at laws; I walk the line. The policeman is my protector and my friend. In Glen Ridge--a tidy, tiny suburb of New York City, where the trash is picked up twice weekly at the side of our house, where overnight on-street parking is...

Getting a blowjob while driving.(Violation No. 73854: Deadly conduct, public lewdness)(Brief article)
April 1, 2009... I was twenty-three, living in Los Angeles, and driving a Volkswagen Jetta with cloth interior. Not the sexiest car in the world, but fortunately my girlfriend at the time didn't let that prevent us from doing sexy things inside of it For some...

Smoking a joint in the park.(VIOLATION No. 3618: Possession of a controlled substance)
April 1, 2009... Minor transgressions? Lemme see. How about egging cars on Dolley Madison Boulevard in Virginia? Flipping off a military policeman outside the Yongsan Army Base in Korea? Patronizing "bar girls" at an Army camp town? Selling LSD at Honolulu's...

Hopping freight trains.(VIOLATION No. 6207: Trespassing on railroad property)
April 1, 2009... My brother Willy and his friends were moving from Massachusetts to Los Angeles, By jumping trains. For fun. I joined the trip outside Chicago, in a rail yard. We crouched in the bushes for thirty-eight hours before we finally caught a train. It...

Michael Eisner.(WHAT I'VE LEARNED)(Interview)
April 1, 2009... Mogul, Web entrepreneur, former talk-show host, 67: Los Angeles The former Disney CEO now runs Tornante, a new-media company known for its inroads in Web-only entertainment. * Leaving Disney was just like graduating from college: You...

The boy in the striped pajamas: even for California in the seventies, the Davises were an unusual family. What's happened to St. James, LaDonna, and little Moe since is stranger still.(The Worst story I Ever Heard)
April 1, 2009... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ST. JAMES DAVIS IS CRYING. It's a loud, whooping wail of a cry. He's sitting...

Yanks sign new deal for Stadium 2.0.(Full Disclosure: News at its most responsible)(New York Yankees)
April 1, 2009... NEW YORK -- The Yankees announced a deal today with Sony Electronics to outfit the new Yankee Stadium with high-end Sony gadgets. (Full disclosure: This reporter owns a small amount of Sony stock.)The stadium will boast more than 550 Sony TV...