Esquire articles from April 2006

Esquire archives from April 2006

The sound and the fury.
April 1, 2006... "If a designer exists at all, his intelligence is in question. My point is: He got lucky. And so did anyone passing a news stand this month. After scouring the archives, it was determined that, per page, the February issue offered more...

About that cover.(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... Those in the scientific community would have us believe that genetically both your cover girl and Rosie O'Donnell are female Homo sapiens with almost identical DNA. But my gut tells me this ain't so. If they all looked like "Miss Midwinter...

Bill Clinton presents: Esquire (brought to you by Bill Clinton).(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... I've begrudgingly become acclimated to your GOP bashing, but the monthly Esquire-Bill Clinton man love is becoming a bit icky, if not obsequious. Clinton waxes on about Tim McGraw and Faith Hill ("The Endorsement")? Maybe next month he can...

Country we should've loved.(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... There was a serious dearth of Dwight Yoakam in Peter Cooper's "The Country We Love." He easily fits into three of Cooper's five highlighted categories: the Traditionalists, the Shadow Heroes, and the Cool Kids. Alas, this omission probably puts...

Liking it, loving it, and other responses.(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... Kudos to you guys for pairing the article about the rise of the Freedom Tower ("The Rebuilding, Part 2: The Engineers") with the profile about Tim McGraw and his political ambitions. As the current administration runs its course and politically...

An angry letter from an Uzbek intended for the British edition of esquire regarding a story we wish we'd thought of.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... In your last issue (the one with Liz Hurley on the cover), you published an article on the "Stans" ("Five-Minute Guide to... the Stans," Esquire UK, February). Now, I do laugh at myself as an Uzbek, but I can't help but get annoyed when...

What T-shirts mean.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... In Chuck Klostermon's America, the author analyzed the messages hidden in such "ubiquitous" T-shirt designs as "Shark vs. Chopper" and "Sex Rhino," both of which are available for purchase at esquire.com. I think that the assertions...

There's a fine line between clever and stupid ... and editorial and advertising.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... Our annual Dubious Achievements feature disappointed some readers and confused another. I'm always happy to see the Dubious Achievements issue, but I'm dismayed that you have succumbed to the national epidemic of taking witless cheap shots...

What T-shirts mean (cont.): two theories.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... How is Chuck Klosterman completely stumped on the "Man in the Doorway" T-shirt? This was the only one I could remotely understand without reading the article. It's a man coming out of the closet! Better yet, it's a cowboy coming out of the...

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
April 1, 2006... Where, oh where has the picture of Stacey Grenrock Woods gone? It was always too small for my taste, but removing it completely is just wrong. It makes the column much sexier to be able to see the one who did the writing. Funny and sexy is the...

A note from the editor.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)
April 1, 2006... When, in late January, we heard reports of ABC News anchor Bob Woodruffs injury in Iraq, the details had an awful familiarity. For the six weeks Before an IED felled Woodruff and his Cameraman, Mark Warren had been preparing a story about the...

The reprise.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)
April 1, 2006... The cover of this issue may seem familiar to longtime readers of this magazine. In December 1971, Candice Bergen modeled the official Esquire softball shirt, which was awarded to the winners of a quiz on the sixties. (Sample question: "Bill...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best)
April 1, 2006... As told by LESLIE BIBB A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with...

The awards: the eight most remarkable things in culture this month.(MAN AT HIS BEST)
April 1, 2006... (1) Clearest Signals From Signs, a book of photographs that examines unintentionally amusing signage from around the world. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] (2) Meanest In-Law Nancy: You really hate me, don't you? Marcia: No, not...

Clique clique, bang bang: the savviest adolescent movies depict high school as a bizarre alternate reality. Brick is one of them.(The Screen)
April 1, 2006... IT BEGINS WITH A CRYPTIC, handwritten note: a date, a time, and a nearby street corner, at which location stands one of the few remaining pay phones in town. This classic communique is slipped not beneath a door or into a coat pocket, however,...

9 ways to save the world: a new documentary asks nine Nobel laureates to consider a simple problem: earth's future.(The Screen)
April 1, 2006... "ENERGY IS THE LARGEST enterprise of the human endeavor, about $3 trillion a year. Right now, the world runs on 14.4 trillion watts. By mid-century, most estimates of the requirement for energy are at least twice that amount. If fossil energy...

The heavyweight: Joseph Gordon-Levitt.(forthcoming television programs)
April 1, 2006... SIX YEARS on a popular TV series--especially one that goes into immediate and ubiquitous syndication--is going to give you some serious f-you money. Or at least choose-the-roles-I-want-because-I-don't-need-the-money money. After 3rd Rock from...

The rules.(The Screen)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... RULE NO. 53: Be wary of trusting another man's assistant. RULE NO. 139: If your goal is to see a beautiful woman on television, look no further than the Spanish-language networks, RULE NO. 149: The top three inventions of the last hundred...

Bank on it: my five educated predictions for the rest of the year.(Music)(Column)
April 1, 2006... PREDICTION: You will discover your musical genome. Your newest obsession will be Pandora.com. This bound-to-be-copied offshoot of the Music Genome Project uses a series of mysterious algorithms to predict your musical taste and introduce...

Q+A: Matisyahu.(rap singer)(Interview)
April 1, 2006... THE MOST curious addition to popular music in the last year has to be Matisyahu, a Hasidic reggae-rap artist who takes the stage in full Orthodox regalia and waxes poetic on topics of spirituality and redemption. He mixes the rabbinical and...

Radio perfecto: our angry gadget columnist finds (some) solace in a new Sirius radio.(Howard Stern's program on Sirius Satellite Radio Inc.)(Column)
April 1, 2006... IN 1997, when my movie Men in Black was released, I found myself being attacked by Hillary Clinton. She was outraged that the small, skinny aliens in the Men in Black headquarters (we called them the worm guys) smoked cigarettes. In fact, she...

Coming soon: landlines.(Motorola C51 to be launched )(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... SO YOU'RE ONE of those "progressives" who gave up your home phone--only to realize that having a phone conversation in your home now means sitting under your kitchen table (the only place you get reception) and talking into a teeny cell that is...

In your car: all the essential tools and gizmos for the modern ride (oh, and a blender).(Buyers guide)
April 1, 2006... [1] GPS SYSTEM: Every time you stop to ask for directions, a little piece of you dies. Look for touch-screen controls, real-time navigation, and traffic rerouting. May we suggest: Sony NV-U70 ($600; sonystyle.com). [2] SATELLITE RADIO: 150...

Pioneer AVIC-Z1.(from Pioneer Electronic Corp.)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... The Pioneer AVIC-Z1 ($2,250; pioneerelectronics.com) is an all-in-one navigation system with a 30-gigabyte hard drive that "learns" frequently traveled roads and uses XM radio's NavTraffic service to provide up-to-the-minute rerouting...

The side grade: single-malt scotch.(Laphroaig, Highland Park, Glenfiddich are Glenmorangie evaluated )(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... It's all well and good to be faithful and honorable and stand by your commitments and such, but you'll go crazy if you don't leave a little room around the edges for some flirting now and then. That holds as true for single-malt whisky as...

How to stage a bacchanalian orgy.(Gastronaut: Adventures in Food for the Romantic, the Foolhardy, and the Brave by Stefan Gates )(Brief article)(Book review)
April 1, 2006... The bacchanal feast was not unlike today's political conventions: lively debate, good food, excessive drink, live sex. (The Romans also threw in staged prisoner torture and gladiator battles.) In his new book, Gastronout: Adventures in Food for...

Sex.(everything you wanted to know about it)
April 1, 2006... My husband doesn't like our dog in the room while we're having sex. Does the dog understand what's going on? He goes, and he has some notes. Overall, he'd like to see more enthusiasm from both of you. He feels your foreplay lacks substance...

12 simple rules for stronger living: wading through the myths, half-truths, and cutting-edge bullshit of health and fitness can be more exhausting than your workout itself. Allow us to trim the fat.
April 1, 2006... DO: Something. If there's anything exercise scientists agree on, it's that you get the biggest health benefits when you go from doing nothing to doing just about anything. DON'T: Do stuff you hate just because you think you have to. Nobody...

Why spend $165 on running shoes?(athletic shoes from Asics Corp.)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... NEXT TIME YOU'RE SHOPPING for running shoes, count the number of registered trademarks on the list of "revolutionary" materials used to make them-and figure on paying about ten dollars extra for each. These shoes have five. Asics's Gel-Kinsei...

Ask Dr. Oz: free advice from a medical professional.(on tiredness)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... I work out religiously, and I feel like crap when I don't. But I know I'm supposed to rest my body periodically. How often, and for how long? If only this problem affected more men! There is indeed medical data to suggest that you can work...

All hail the hipbone.(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... LEGS HAD their moment. Shoulders, too. There once was a time when men were smitten by the glimpse of an ankle. We can laugh now, because those body parts are too common to have any erotic impact. But here's something that's not funny at all:...

20 things that aren't "better than nothing".(birthday gifts )(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... A belated birthday high five from your boss / Air mattresses / Spending Thanksgiving at a restaurant that doesn't take reservations / A handshake from Sly Stallone / Dry-humpin' your old lady / Fake snow / A framed "Pussy Patrol" certificate /...

Q+A: Alan Abel, Hoax Master.(Interview)
April 1, 2006... ALAN ABEL, now 75, has been fooling America since the 1950s. He's the prankster behind such nonexistent organizations as Omar's School for Panhandlers, the International Sex Bowl Olympics, the Institute for a Healthy America, and the Society...

Space death, earlobes, Matrix fashion tips & the saddest song ever written.
April 1, 2006... Esquires's Answer Fella believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a...

Shameless obsession of the month: Cesare Paciotti.(men's shoes)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... By now we've become accustomed to the stock image of an Italian men's shoe: dressed-up elegance, sophisticated and, ultimately, conservative. So where do patchwork-burgundy eel-skin and sky-blue python loafers fit in? In the shoe line of Cesare...

Seven worth the money: these new dress shoes live up to their price tags.(the guide: dressing up)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... 1) Moreschi's Cordeno lace-up ($475): it's tough for suede to look formal, but this shoe does so without sacrificing suede's greatest asset: comfort. 2) Sergio Rossi's wing tip ($565): For the more adventurous. You can't beat the detail,...

How the obsessed shine shoes: Berlutti's Swann Club.(the guide: dressing up)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... MEN WILL GO to extremes to get together for a drink. Witness the Swann Club, whose primary purpose since 1992 has been the appreciation of the shoes from Parisian brand Berluti. Over dinner and champagne, Berluti's handmade shoes are objects of...

For just plain livin'.(the guide: dressing up)(Buyers guide)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... The territory beyond the dress shoe is fraught with sartorial peril. Here are five to see you through. For cocktails: Being off-duty doesn't mean a loss of elegance. Look at Allen-Edmonds's Tassled loafers ($240). [ILLUSTRATION...

The buying man's guide to shoe stores.(the guide: dressing up)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... Here's where to go SAN FRANCISCO: Gimme Shoes * (50 Grant Ave.), Arthur Beren Shoes (222 Stockton St.), Bottega Veneta (108 Geary St.), Camper (39 Grant Ave.), Cole Haan (324 Stockton St.), Niketown (278 Post St.), Nordstrom (865 Market...

How a shoe should fit.(the guide: anatomy)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... Squeezing into a suit that doesn't fit? We've all done it. Squeezing into a shoe that's too tight? Murder. Here's what you need to know to keep your feet happy. At the heel: This is the one place where your shoe may hurt initially, but fear...

The shoe glossary: the 8 shoe terms you should know.(the guide: anatomy)(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... Apron: A large overlay that covers the area where the toe meets the upper of the foot. Goodyear well: The sole and the upper of the shoe are stitched together (not glued), resulting in the strongest bond in shoemaking. Because of its...

How old is too old to die? A few new wrinkles in the death-penalty debate.(Chuck Klosterman's America)(Column)
April 1, 2006... I SUPPOSE I HAVE a position on the death penalty, but just barely: I think capital punishment should probably be illegal-but if we aren't going to outlaw it, we should probably use it way more often. Statistics have consistently shown that the...

Abstract no more: Bill James is not exactly Donald Trump, but he's no longer just baseball's Pythagoras, either. He's become an institution, a brand, a myth of his own, even as he remakes the game.(the Game)(Column)
April 1, 2006... LIKE MOST GURUS. Bill James--father of sabermetrics, consultant to the Boston Red Sox, dispeller of baseball myth, and sometimes withering critic (he once called Doug Flynn a "horrible excuse for a major league player," and afterward Flynn...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief article)
April 1, 2006... 1. Remember in old movies when women used to swoon and "take to the bed" for days at a time? That never happens. We're stronger than that. That being said, if we ever decide to "take to the bed" for days at a time, there's not a thing you can...

Time to make money: why the rest of 2006 will be very good for stocks.(the portfolio)(Column)
April 1, 2006... EARLY IN MY JOURNALISM CAREER, I wrote a short profile of a money manager who was making a name for himself courting clients-namely, from his own African-American community in Detroit--who had previously been ignored by professionals....

The more you weigh, the more you pay: meet Irwin Leba, a rich and reclusive Texan whose mission in life is to balance the budget by taxing the obese. Fat chance, right?
April 1, 2006... CONSIDERING EVERYTHING I'd heard about him, it took surprisingly little effort to convince Irwin Leba to sit down with me at a McDonald's off I-27 not far from his home outside Plainview, Texas. It was a cheap journalist's ruse, really: I knew...

4 seasons in 48 hours: how to turn a weekend in the mountains into a year's worth of adventure.(the Restless man: Real Adventures for REGULAR GUYS)
April 1, 2006... Right around the time the ski tourists are evaporating for the year, most of Jackson Hole, Wyoming, is heaving a Thank Christ that's over sigh and resetting their watches for "corn o'clock"--that magical moment in early April when all four...

The 2006 Esky Music Awards: what do you get when the cast of a UPN drama mingles with the world's best lead singer and one Hasidic Jew who thinks he's Bob Marley? The 2006 Esky Awards for Musical Achievement.
April 1, 2006... MOST LOVABLE ODDBALL: MATISYAHU The most intriguing reggae artist in the world is a Hasidic Jew. Weird, huh? Maybe, but what's truly odd about Matisyahu (see page 64) is how quickly the novelty factor wears off. On last year's Live at...

Q&A: Dave Grohl.(Interview)
April 1, 2006... ESQ; What's your onstage philosophy? DG: Imagine having a keg party and inviting eight thousand of your best friends. You have to make sure everything is right--the grill's hot, the tap is working. No foam. And as the host, you have to do...

Sgt. Well's new skull: in the epidemic of brain injuries coming out of the war, army neurosurgeons had never seen someone survive such a devastating wound. But Brian Wells jokes that he just left part of his head in Iraq. Someday, he says, he'll have to go back and get it.
April 1, 2006... He goes to war and wonders what it will be like if he gets hit. Will he be tough, maybe heroic? Will he piss himself? How bad will it hurt? He isn't sure when, but at some point the thought shifts from the possible to the inevitable. When he...

Women + the manual.
April 1, 2006... DO YOU LOVE WOMEN? Then for their sake--and yours--we present this highly practical guide to all things female, from giving of gifts (inexpensive ones) to the having of sex (or not) to the handling of her father (as deferentially as possible),...

Modern women: the quiz: 27 questions about newfangled females.(WOMEN + THE MANUAL)
April 1, 2006... 1. Which of the following are new wines marketed to women? (A) White Lie (B) Stilettos and Lace (C) Angel of the Morning (D) Mad Housewife 2. Ellen and Portia would like to sail from Barcelona to Rome. On which cruise...

Breaking commandments with Rosario Dawson: you might think the extremely sexy star of Sin City and Killshot is easy to look at. Just don't try it while living by the rules.
April 1, 2006... O Lord, forgive me for my night with Rosario Dawson. Forgive me for the talk about faulty condoms. Forgive me for the stuff about her grandmother's sex habits, girlie sounds during foreplay, and enhanced butts. Forgive me for everything...

Jesus out to sea: a Louisiana lament.(Esquire Fiction; writing excerpt and interview with author James Lee Burke)(Short story)(Interview)
April 1, 2006... I grew up in the Big Sleazy, uptown, off Magazine, amongst live-oak trees and gangsters and musicians and bougainvillea the Christian Brothers said was put there to remind us of Christ's blood in the Garden of Gethsemane. My best friends...

Like a million bucks: four strategies, four price ranges: step-by-step instructions for building a premium wardrobe that works with your budget.(Style)
April 1, 2006... THE $1,000 WARDROBE THE STRATEGY. If it's leather, don't go cheap. Pay a little extra for your shoes and your belt. (You do wear them the most, after all.) Beyond that, simple essentials such as a gray suit and both a white and dark dress...

Walter Cronkite (Anchorman, 89, New York City).(interviewed)(Interview)
April 1, 2006... * When the Eagle landed on the moon, I was speechless--overwhelmed, like most of the world. Couldn't say a word. I think all I said was, "Wow! Jeez!" Not exactly immortal. Well, I was nothing if not human. * Interviewing friends is a tough...

Ed Grothus and the doomsday stones: how an old man in Los Alamos turned the atomic army against itself and saved the world. Soon to be a true story.(Biography)
April 1, 2006... In 1969, Ed Grothus decided he wanted to save the world. Before that, he had spent most of his life building things meant to destroy it: first rifles and machine guns in Illinois, then atomic bombs in New Mexico. Like a lot of old men trying to...

Women: myth or not myth?(This Way Out: WOMEN THE MANUAL)
April 1, 2006... >GIRLS ARE SUGAR AND SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE. MYTH. Here are the active ingredients for girls, as per the scientists at Pink Ribbon Labs: aspartame, marzipan, estrogen, blue Gatorade, apricots, margarita mix, mango chutney, citric acid,...