Esquire articles from April 2005

Esquire archives from April 2005

Penny Marshall's birthday bash sponsored by Chrysler and Maker's Mark.(By invitationly: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2005... Acclaimed director and avid sports buff Penny Marshall celebrated her birthday in style at The Esquire House. The gilded guest list included close friends such as Justin Timberlake, Camryn Manheim, Eddie Murphy, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Bill Maher,...

The big show at the Esquire House sponsored by Tag Heuer.(By invitationly: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2005... The cast of "The O.C." took center stage for an impromptu performance at The Esquire House to benefit Youth. Inc./Young Storytellers Needed. Guests marveled over Tag Heuer's renowned Formula One racecar as they entered the stage area. The main...

Iriver.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)
April 1, 2005... The elegant iriver H10 5GB plays up to 150 hours of digital music. It supports Napster to Go so you can fill and refill your player with over one million songs. It also features a vivid color display for simple navigation and viewing your...

Honda Civic Tour presenting Maroon 5.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)
April 1, 2005... The 2005 Honda Civic Tour, with GRAMMY[R] nominated headliner Maroon 5, kicks off March 11 in Los Angeles, with 35+ city stops nationwide. This year marks the 5th anniversary of the hugely successful Honda Civic Tour series. Log on to...

K & M Camera.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2005... K & M Camera isdowntown Manhattan's premier establishment for "everything photographic". We house New York's newest and best-stocked rental department as well as carrying a full line of professional and consumer digital and analog cameras. Come...

A+ Skin Care products.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2005... Liquid Skin Treatment by A+ Skin Care will change the way you look at your daily grooming program. In one step, Liquid Skin Treatment cleans deep into pores to gently exfoliate skin and helps eliminate problems associated with shaving. For...

The sound and the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2005... AN INVITING AND, YES, LEGAL Scarlett Johansson played the siren for our February issue. Inside, we celebrated 2004's gaffes with our annual Dubious Achievements (sorry, Geraldo--not this year), and Tom Chiarella tested his bartering skills on...

Waxing beautiful.(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2005... Strolling through the Hollywood Wax Museum with Scarlett Johansson, writer Chris Jones learned firsthand what makes her so appealing--aside from the obvious. Your cover photo of Scarlett Johansson is the most arresting, alluring, achingly...

Let's make a deal.(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2005... A few lessons and a penchant for thrift were all writer at large Tom Chiarella needed as he set out to prove that everything has its price--a lower price ("Haggling for Hot Dogs") Chiarella's rather tongue-in-cheek article underscores the...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2005... As told by JENNIFER ESPOSITO A blond goes into an electronics store and asks, "How much is this TV?" The salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blonds." So she dyes her hair and comes back as a brunette. "How much is this TV?" she asks....

Comin' to getcha: the latest Japanese import? Pure, unadulterated fear.(Movies)
April 1, 2005... THE MOST TERRIFYING MOMENT I've ever experienced in a movie theater happened four years ago, at the Toronto Film Festival, roughly half an hour into a Japanese picture called Pulse. Like most Japanese horror films of the past century, Pulse is...

Q+A: Danny Boyle, director.(Movies)(Interview)
April 1, 2005... AFTER MAKING movies about zombies (28 Days Later) and heroin addicts (Trainspotting), British director Danny Boyle now takes on a truly scary subject: children. In Millions, two newly motherless brothers find 229,320 [pounds sterling] (about...

Four records to get you ahead of the game: by getting these new albums now, you'll look a lot smarter later.(Music)
April 1, 2005... Is it just me or has burning CDs become a lot more fun since they began slapping an FBI logo on the back of every new album? If friends ask nicely enough, I'll copy a White Stripes disc for them. But more often I'm passing on unsolicited copies...

This month's lesson: this is your life, the mix tape.(Music Lessons)
April 1, 2005... A FEW WEEKS AGO I was lying in bed in my hotel room, falling asleep to my XM satellite radio, when I decided to spend some time on the '40s station. I was looking for the oldest music I could find. I'm obsessed with time lately, constantly...

Q+A: Lewis Black.(Books)(Interview)
April 1, 2005... WE'RE WORRIED about Daily Show commentator Lewis Black. He's an angry man. Think Cujo for the late-night set. Ask him about politics and he'll shake like Katharine Hepburn. Bring up the Christian Right and he'll start spitting. And now the...

Really short reviews.(Book)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2005... (1) Beware of God(Simon & Schuster, $20). A short-story collection about divine guilt, by Esquire contributor Shalom Auslander. Heretical. Hysterical. (2) It's Only a Movie--Alfred Hitchcock: A Personal Biography (Simon & Schuster, $26), by...

Big important book of the month.(Books)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
April 1, 2005... KEVIN CANTY writes about battered souls on the stick's short end. His latest novel, Window in Love (Nan A. Talese/Doubleday, $24), is a sad and sodden romance, shorn of any gloss. It's what Leaving Las Vegas might have been if Elisabeth Shue...

Cocktails & cameras: the two things that make our gadget guru and director feel truly at ease.(The Digital Man)
April 1, 2005... "DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL." Yeah, that's what they say. That's the trade-off of living in Telluride, Colorado, at 10,000 feet. It is not, however, what I say. I say cocktails start at 5:00 P.M. no matter where or how high you...

How good are the drugs in Narc?(Game Review)
April 1, 2005... IN TYPICAL SELF-DESTRUCTIVE FASHION, Narc (PS2, Xbox) arms culture warriors and choosy mothers with yet another weapon to use against the video-game industry. This is a game that encourages you to take drugs-albeit simulated ones. A sort of...

Things a man should never do past the age of 30 (an occasional Esquire service).(Culture)
April 1, 2005... Bring his mitt to a professional. baseball game. * Turn boxers inside out and wear them for two more days. * TiVo Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County. * Use Dial. soap as shampoo. * Yell, "Run, Forrest, Run!" at someone in the airport trying...

Abe Lincoln Canadian Humor, Atlantic City & the IRS: Esquire's Answer Fella believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a guess that sounds right.(Answer Fella)(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2005... I've heard that watches in ads are always set at 10:10 because that's when Lincoln was killed. True? Lincoln, shmincoln. This is precisely the sort of reckless, despicable myth-mongering that Led to Wolfgang Puck's defamation claim against...

Golf is hard: but looking good on the course shouldn't be. Here's where to start.(The Esquire Catalog)(Product/Service Evaluation)
April 1, 2005... THE FUNDAMENTALS Before Butch Harmon and graphite shafts, there was Harvey Penick, one of golf's most respected teachers of the perfect swing. Under his tutelage, Ben Crenshaw and Tom Kite honed their skills. Harvey Penick's Little Red...

Increasingly desperate times: it's clear that Europe we're a nation of swaggering, imperialistic hayseeds. What's less clear is why we should care.(Chuck Klosterman's America)(Column)
April 1, 2005... IN 1989, MY FAVORITE TELEVISION SHOW was The Wonder Years, the only TV program that allowed me to be nostalgic at the age of seventeen. One of the things I particularly loved about The Wonder Years was Kevin Arnold's incessant concern about the...

And in a related story ...(The Likeability Factor: How to Boost Your L Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams )(Brief Article)(Book Review)
April 1, 2005... I am hesitant to attack a book like Tim Sanders's The Likeability Factor: How to Boost Your L Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams (Crown. $23). My reasons are two-fold. The first is that satirizing self-help books is too overt; it's almost...

Ten things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
April 1, 2005... 1. Size over stamina. 2. Crying and saying you're sorry for calling us Halle Berry during sex still doesn't make it okay. 3. We really do believe your mother is the reason for your inability to commit. 4. With that in mind, five...

Seventeen: it's the greatest hole in golf.(The Game)(Column)
April 1, 2005... JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT woke me up before my alarm. Outside my hotel-room window, it was still black and quiet, too late for the night owls and too early for even the earliest birds. I got dressed, sneaked through the empty lobby, and stepped...

Poker lesson II: the variables: whether it's a $50 freeze-out at the office or the $50,000 World Poker Classic next month in Vegas, the right move in any given hold 'em situation just depends.(The Game)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2005... What should you do with K-Q suited, on the button, if Dolores from accounting, sitting across from you in middle position, has raised it to four times the big blind? Depends. It depends on what the players between her and you decide to do. (If...

Sex.
April 1, 2005... * My wife gave birth six months ago and still won't let me near her. Could she really be that sore? After six months? Or is there something else going on here? There's something else going on, all right, and I wouldn't be the least bit...

The 2005 Esky Music Awards.(Hardware)
April 1, 2005... WELCOME TO the first-ever awards ceremony televised on paper. Esquire has rolled out the red carpet to hand out some well-deserved hardware, the Esky Awards for Outstanding Musical Achievement. In the room tonight are legends, dark horses,...

Lincoln Mark LT presents the Insider's guide to Austin.(Special Advertising Section)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2005... CATCH SOME ZZZS The Driskell 604 Brazos St: (800) 745-8883 Not only did LBJ have a suite at this historic luxury hotel, but The Driskell continues to host another famous personality: The fifth floor is reportedly inhabited by a...

Austin: live music's capitol turns up the heat.(Special Advertising Section)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2005... IT FIGURES THAT A GROUND-BREAKING EVENT WOULD DEMAND A BOLD SPONSOR--so the new Lincoln Mark LT teamed up with Austin's South by Southwest Music Festival to bring you a gotta-have guide to the city that hosts Spring's most anticipated event....

Benny the troublemaker: Benicio Del Toro has one of Hollywood's most haunted faces. It has own moves and weather, and it can carry whole movies. It carries much of his life, too. Even when he speaks, his face does much of the talking.(Interview)
April 1, 2005... SITTING ON THE PATIO AT A BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL--the fountain gurgling, the traffic roiling beyond the high, ivy-wall--Benicio Del Toro is a bundle of nerves and energy. His toe taps, his head moves around herky-jerky like a bird. His hands dance...

A (better) life journal: in which the author of How a Man Ages attempts to stop the process. Including: a Series of Tips He Learned Along the Way.(Performance 2005)(Column)
April 1, 2005... Prologue: Our So-Called Life Got a little problem here. Had a little birthday, turned a little older. Yet the feds say a baby born (with testicles) in America today is expected to live, on average, seventy-five years. So what's a guy to do...

Dean's diet: eating advice from this guy, who knows from power food.(Performance 2005)
April 1, 2005... Ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes is training to run three hundred miles. Straight. Without stopping. Besides steely masochism, er, determination, and midnight hundred-mile training sessions, Karnazes has built his regimen around a strict "slow...

Monotony is the devil (in fitness as in life). Here, an antidote.(Performance 2005)
April 1, 2005... Welcome to the era of fusion in fitness. New workouts such as the Bar Method (a grueling blend of isometrics, yoga, and, um, dance) are grabbing converts by the gymful, which doesn't mean that aerobics or weights are dead--just down played as...

A clean mind: self-help is bullshit. Until it works.(Performance 2005)(Column)
April 1, 2005... I am sitting in Jim Fannin's driveway in suburban Chicago. The airline has lost my bags. Last night I dropped $1,400 playing $20-$40 hold 'em. I have written too many checks. Tonight my children will come home to an empty house. I have a...

The Esquire Pharmacopoeia: there sure are a lot of pills out there (to say nothing of capsules, gel tabs, seeds, oils, and powders). Here are ten supplements we like--and seven love.(Performances 2005)(Buyers Guide)
April 1, 2005... The Esquire Pharmacopoeia There sure are a lot of pills out there (to say nothing of capsules, gel tabs, seeds, oils, and powders). Here are ten supplements we like--and seven we love. By Bob Condor Name And it's a...

Brittany Murphy a woman we love.(Interview)
April 1, 2005... AS YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD EIGHTEEN OR THIRTY TIMES BY NOW (and that's just in this magazine), Sin City features an impressively attractive cast that includes Benicio Del Toro, Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, and, well,...

Hang-in'.(Esquire Style; women's shoes)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2005... When we looked out the Esquire office windows recently to find eight pairs of dress shoes dangling from a telephone wire, we went looking for an explanation. None were plausible except for this: Spring's formal kicks are simply too cool to keep...

The devil gives you the first time for free: a biography of my addiction by Scott Weiland.(Interview)
April 1, 2005... I guess the reason we're here is I feel like there's been only one side of my story told. People know rock stars only on the surface, people know celebrities only on the surface, and people know me only on the surface: I'm the junkie rock star...

Bad attitudes: some of the best [begin strikethrough]new writers in America[end strikethrough] have chips on their shoulders, offering up tales of battle, boozing, and just plain getting by. It's about time. To [begin strikethrough]celebrate the spring[end strikethrough] of their discontent, we dressed them in clothes that even the orneriest man would actually wear.
April 1, 2005... David Gilbert, 37 Gilbert's short stories have been published in the New Yorker and Harper's, and his hilarious novel, The Normal's (Bloomsbury), is a witty testament to the insanity of the modern world. Three-button linen jacket (part of...

Elmore Leonard: writer, 79, Detroit.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
April 1, 2005... --Bad guys are not bad guys twenty-four hours a day. --I like homicide detectives. They wear hats so that other law-enforcement people will know they're homicide. --As a little kid, I wanted to play with a knife and my mother wouldn't...

The making of the twenty-first-century soldier (part 2): in which the infantry man comes home from Iraq: post-traumatically stressed and ready to take on the world.(Short Story)
April 1, 2005... * "Are you sure you want to plead guilty?" the judge asked. Dressed for the occasion in the same desert camouflage that I wore for most of the time I was in Iraq, a freshly sewn combat-infantryman badge over my left-breast-pocket nametape that...

Recommended daily allowance of vice: with the completion of its long-awaited revision of the food guide pyramid, the federal government has released the following.(This Way Out!)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2005... USE SPARINGLY * Unfiltered clove cigarettes * Self-produced snuff films * Cheating on your girlfriend with her mother * Prostitutes with visible sores and limps * Shooting ex-guitarists from Pantera * Arson 2 TO...