Esquire articles from April 2004

Esquire archives from April 2004

Chrysler Crossfire.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... If you appreciate design, styling, and performance, Chrysler has the vehicle for you--the CHRYSLER CROSSFIRE. Underneath the sculptured hood and elegant curves lives the soul of a true performance car. This two-seat, rear-wheel drive sports...

Kenneth Cole.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... Kenneth Cole, the American designer known for tailored yet functional fashion, introduces BLACK--KENNETH COLE, the new men's fragrance inspired by the 20th anniversary of the company. Sexy and sophisticated, BLACK--Kenneth Cole blends energetic...

Parsifal Automatic.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Chronographs)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2004... Adding a contemporary twist to our flagship collection, the gents PARSIFAL AUTOMATIC CHRONOGRAPH has been transformed from its innately classical design to a bold, masculine timepiece. Available in variations of stainless steel or stainless...

The sound and the fury.(Esquire Dubious Achievements! 2003)(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2004... Thank you for the letters home from our troops. I was particularly moved by Marine Staff Sergeant James Cawley's letter to his young son, Cecil. I was lucky that my friend who proudly served our country and took fire regularly just came home a...

Mincing words.(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2004... Esquire writer at large Scott Raab hilariously tested his knife and veloute skills at the Culinary Institute of America ('Esquire University"). I just read Scott Raab's "Culinary Arts 101," and I haven't laughed so hard since before I went...

Reports from the front.(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2004... The war reporting of correspondent C. 3:. Chivers, who took readers from September 11, New York, to the jihad camps of Afghanistan to the terrorist garrisons of northern Iraq in "What I Learned at the Jihad" (October 2003) before revealing...

Thom Browne.(Promotion)(Advertisement)
April 1, 2004... THOM BROWNE OPENING On February 5th, Bergdorf Goodman and Esquire celebrated with Thom Browne at the opening of his men's shop featuring custom clothing and ready-to-wear collections. The event, which was held within the Men's Store,...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best)
April 1, 2004... A woman was on a car trip in New Zealand. She sees this guy on top of a hill mucking with a sheep. She goes up to him with her camera and asks, "Excuse me, sir, are you shearing that sheep?" And he turns to her and he says, "Listen, lady, I...

The awards: the 9 most remarkable things in culture this month.
April 1, 2004... Wittiest Canine--PC Analogy "Nipples: These docking ports for peripherals come preinstalled on both mate and female models. However, the circuitry of the male model renders these valves inoperative." --From The Dog Owner's Manual, a...

Wine math: three winning bottles. We calculate what makes them great.(Food & Drink)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... [1] BLACKBERRY COMPOTE + COFFEE + CEDAR = QUINTESSA CABERNET BLEND ($100) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [2] LEMON + VANILLA ICE CREAM + VITAMIN C WITH ROSE HIPS = DOMAINE LAROCHE SAINT MARTIN CHABLIS ($28) [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [3]...

The science and art of pickling.(Food & Drink)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW IT, but your store-bought pickles suck my cuke. No spice, no guts. A good homemade pickle should be a bracing, vinegary slap to the jaw. After several years of briny research, here's what I've learned. * You can pickle...

The extravagant man: the $70 margarita.(Food & Drink)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... DILUTING $38-A-SHOT TEQUILA with fruit juice is a bit like doing a $2,000-a-night hooker at a Motel. 6; the only reason to do it is because you can. The absurdly pricy La Bebida de Sus Suenos margarita at New York City's Suenos combines...

Random knowledge about rats.(Books)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... From Robert Sullivan, author of the new book Rats: Observations on the History & Habitat of the City's Most Unwanted Inhabitants * A collapsible skeletal structure allows rats to fit through holes the size of a quarter. * Brown rats...

Big important book of the month.(Books)(Book Review)
April 1, 2004... TOM PERROTTA, author of the novel Election (yup, the one that became the Alexander Payne movie), is a shrewd observer of toddler politics. But the kids in his new book, Little Children (St. Martin's, $25), are less inspiration for the novel's...

Lines of fire.(Books)(Book Review)
April 1, 2004... HERE'S ZAC UNGER'S DESCRIPTION of the first time he almost died: "My hands were shaking, I was losing my grip on the rope, and I wanted to crawl out of mg skin and lie on the ground sucking in great mouthfuls of air. I don't remember letting...

Cleopatra's sex appeal, undershirt problems & Kobe Bryant.(Answer Fella)
April 1, 2004... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does, or who has a...

Theater of cruelty: sadistic director Lars von Trier has delivered the best film of the year. Already.(Movies)
April 1, 2004... WALKING THE RED CARPET at last year's Cannes Film Festival, Nicole Kidman, in town for the world premiere of Lars von Trier's Dogville, paused for a moment to remove her high heels. The film's notoriously travel-shy director, she explained, had...

Q+A: Michael Cera.(Movies)(Brief Article)(Interview)
April 1, 2004... Michael Cera is the reason I'm finally getting TiVo. Cera plays George Michael Bluth, the hilariously awkward boy on Fox's brilliant Arrested Development, which shares not only its comedic sensibility with Curb Your Enthusiasm but also its time...

What is music worth? If you think you're already paying too much for music, you should think again.(Music)
April 1, 2004... LAURYN HILL HAS BALLS THE SIZE OF grapefruits. In case you missed it, she recently poked her head out of self-imposed exile to deliver a tirade against pedophile priests-while onstage at the freakin' Vatican. Then she asked fans to pay $15 for...

A talking head speaks: David Byrne wears many hats.(Music)(Interview)
April 1, 2004... A TALKING HEAD SPEAKS DAVID BYRNE WEARS MANY HATS. Not only is his eighth solo record, Grown Backwards, in stores this month, but his Luaka Bop record label still churns out plenty of eclectic albums. Here, the music veteran considers the...

The rules.(Music)
April 1, 2004... RULE NO. 204: When wooing a woman with your musical, prowess, never opt for the Jew's harp, the knee cymbals, or the lute. RULE NO. 275: Unless you're a 19th-century president, lose the muttonchops. RULE NO. 329: Horizontal stripes on your...

Mix tape of the month: five songs worth more than 99 cents.(Music)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... (1) "Doth I Protest Too Much," Alanis Morissette, So-Called Chaos Next to women's magazines, there's no better window into women than Alanis Morissette. This four-minute battle of the sexes finds her telling us, "I'm not threatened by...

The biggest show on earth: the Las Vegas electronics convention attracted 129,000 people, 25,000 gadgets, and one nervous Hollywood director.(The Digital Man)
April 1, 2004... In a perverse bit of sadness, your nervous gadget expert was sent to Las Vegas for the annual Consumer Electronics Show during a nationwide orange alert. Las Vegas was a prime target, and my sciatica was not allowing me to stand. Oy. Last year,...

The guide: Esquire's manual on the new era of denim.
April 1, 2004... DENIM Ever since jeans began to appear on hippies and Nixon supporters alike in the late sixties, denim pants have become indispensable. Can you imagine the weekend without them? Of course, there has always been one notable problem: Until...

The importance of being hated: in this golden age of enmity, friends are for suckers. What you need are a pair of well-chosen foes.(Chuck Klosterman's America)
April 1, 2004... "IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW," they say. "It's who you know." We have all heard this sentiment, and we all reflexively agree with it. This is because "they" are hard to debate, especially since "they" never seem to be in the room whenever anyone...

Drug of the month: phosphatidylserine.(Getting Better)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... Some things are great to lose--excess flab, say, or the monkey on your back. And then there are things that should never appear on that list: lawsuits, Russian roulette, your mind. So, done anything thoughtful for your brain lately? Weekly...

Turns out Guinness actually is good for you.(Getting Better)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... What happens when a bunch of dogs go on a bender? That's the question John Folts--the same man who confirmed that daily red-wine consumption is good for your heart--set out to answer when he began a canine study on the health effects of beer....

Ask Dr. Oz: free advice from a medical professional.(Getting Better)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2004... Should I consider taking testosterone supplements as I get older? Maybe, but this answer is loaded with caveats. Let me start with the reasons not to take supplements. One, testosterone can cause a little psychosis. Two, it can cause ache....

The restless man.
April 1, 2004... REAL ADVENTURES FOR REGULAR GUYS THIS MONTH: Sandboarding WHERE: Florence, Oregon DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY: Takes only nerve to launch down a dune. The hardest part is climbing up it. COST OF THREE-DAY WEEKEND: $390 (plus travel)...

Sex.
April 1, 2004... Is it possible to masturbate too much? How would a person know if he or she were doing it too much? Let me assure you, H. J. Osment of Hollywood, California, you have nothing to worry about. The only physical ramification you're likely to...

So I've got that going for me: he's on the run in Paris with his uncle's girl and another guy's credit card. Some decisions start out stupid and get stupider from there. The dazzling debut of a new writer.(Fiction)
April 1, 2004... BY THE TIME WE'RE IN THE AIR, things between me and Annie have pretty much hit bottom. If I look at her from certain angles, in a very particular light, I see somebody I remember loving, but every other time I look, I find myself wishing she...

Frank Bender: the world's greatest forensic sculptor is on the verge of giving identities to the victims of one of the world's most heinous series of murders.(Man of the Month)
April 1, 2004... FRANK BENDER IS A SPOOKY DUDE, and not only because he knows what your skull looks like. It's spooky how his answering machine invites you to leave a message for "the recomposer of the decomposed," and it's a little spooky how he returns your...

The "Rachel Weisz experiment": does a hot car get her in a tizzy (even if it's a rental)? Does a mix CD make her swoon? Does she prefer poetry or light bondage? Using the alleged wisdom about women from this very issue of Esquire, our intrepid reporter tries to get into the heart, mind and bedroom of a beautiful movie star.(Interview)(Cover Story)
April 1, 2004... SO I TOLD THE reservation lady at Avis that I was going on a date with a beautiful actress and that I needed a car that would help me seduce her. Perhaps I should have been more specific. I'm not exactly sure which actress the rental lady was...

187 things you don't know about women: what you don't know could fill a book. Or at least a good portion of a magazine.
April 1, 2004... 49 Secrets from the Girl Next Door>> 19 Burning Questions Answered >> How High Maintenance Is Your Girlfriend? >> The 5-Minute Guide to Lesbians >> 27 Laws of Shopping for Women >> 8 Things You Need to Know About Lingerie >> 6 Burning Shopping...

My bodyguards: I once rode in an elevator to the top of Trump World Tower with none other than himself. The big man. Trump.
April 1, 2004... It was an odd minute or two, because there is nothing to look at in an elevator and it is quite a long ride in that particular building. But I took a good long look at Trump, and I have to say that the word I came up with was tall. Seriously,...

Dusty Baker: baseball manager, 54, Chicago.(What I've Learned)
April 1, 2004... I put my wristbands on before I put on anything else. God's on both sides; he ain't just on my side. If he was, I would've won a long time ago. Steve Bartman? Personally, I'd like to win it and put him at the head of the...

My life in Baghdad: the journal of a U.S. Army officer at the center of the biggest, most dangerous nation-building project in American history.(Dispatches From Iraq)
April 1, 2004... On March 16, 2003, Tom Kinton, a thirty-nine-year-old major in the Army Reserve from Maryland, touched down in Kuwait City. He had just completed a monthlong crash course in Arabic at Fort Dix. Seven months later, after heading up a team of...

The men of Motor City.(Esquire Style)
April 1, 2004... FOR ANY GUY WHO LOVES CARS, the Detroit Auto Show is a grown man's Shangri-la. This year, Esquire travels to the Motor City to see how the men behind the year's most amazing cars dress when their wheels are on display. As a top...

Further adventures in poker: back in May 2000, the author parlayed four grand into a cool quarter million, wrote the best-selling book that fanned the poker flames, and hit the tournament trail. We pick up the story at this critical juncture.
April 1, 2004... FEEL IS THE ULTIMATE WEAPON in no-limit hold 'em, but what do we mean by this term? Picking up signals about when to come, when to fold, is close to the heart of it: recognizing tendencies, reading faces and body language, relying on gut...