Esquire articles from April 2003

Esquire archives from April 2003

Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers. (Promotion).
April 1, 2003... OWNING A LEXUS JUST GOT EASIER With a CERTIFIED PRE-0WNED LEXUS you get more than just breathtaking performance and indulgent luxury, you get a Lexus. Each comes with the Lexus warranty-three years from your date of purchase or 100,000...

February's cover extolled the virtues of "the most beautiful woman on the planet," Catherine Zeta-Jones. (The sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2003... FEBRUARY'S COVER extolled the virtues of "the most beautiful woman on the planet," Catherine Zeta-Jones. Inside writer at large Mike Sager gave us the welsh actress's British bildungsroman, including a glimpse of her current: life with...

Facts about the flu. (the sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2003... Also in February, Jim Atkinson dispelled eight common myths about colds and the flu and explained why so many therapies that are supposed to control them don't (The Body). Bravo to Atkinson's article, which should be made required reading....

Power napping. (the sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2003... Contributing editor Bucky McMahon wrote in February about his experiences with lucid dreaming ("Adventures in My Bed"), which he learned to achieve through a weeklong intensive seminar with the leading expert in the field, Stephen LaBerge. ...

One death, two families. (the sound & the fury).(Letter to the Editor)
April 1, 2003... Finally, we continue to receive responses to Kemp Powers's harrowing tale of accidentally shooting and killing his best friend as an adolescent, "The Shooting" (January). Powers made me cry with his heart-wrenching story. I felt as though...

Man at his best.(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... THOUGH I NEVER WENT IN for the sci-fi show Dark Angel, I mourned its demise. Why? Because it meant the end to Fox promos featuring a karate-kicking Jessica Alba in tight leather. Now Alba's trying a movie career--this month's offering is Honey,...

Music for hangovers: the 9 most remarkable things in culture this month. (the awards).
April 1, 2003... one Saddest Press Release "Palms Casino Resort announces new bachelor party suites. Two bachelor suites outfitted with dancer poles, sound systems and a dance floor." 2 Best Achievement in Nostalgic Objectification --An album...

The rules. (Opinions).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... Rule No. 478: Sooner or later, all older women start to look like Ann Richards. Rule No. 504: If you are a homeless man in the movies, you must wear gloves with the tips of the fingers cut off. Rule No. 517: Anybody who says they "work hard and...

The endorsement: the secret cash stash. (opinions).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... BANKS ARE FINE AND GOOD. You have to appreciate the grim earnestness of a teller, the stiff assurance of an FDIC guarantee plate. But we all need secrets, and the best secret I know is cash. Ready money. The stash. The stack. The cold roll....

The indefensible position: talking loudly on cell phones in restaurants is just fine. (opinions).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... THERE ARE, IN FACT, some things more obnoxious than the shrill jingle of a cell phone in a restaurant. Bill Walton comes to mind. But even worse than the ring: the faux-annoyed (but actually self-satisfied) glares from other diners within...

The lost art: shining your shoes, military style. (opinions).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... THESE ARE COMBATIVE TIMES. Our shoes should look the part. Military consultant Dale Dye, retired U. S. M. C. captain, gives us the drill: "You'll need a soft cloth, a hard-wax polish, some liquid, and some commitment. For the polish: Kiwi. The...

The worst old restaurants in America. (food & drink).(Restaurant Review)
April 1, 2003... Sam's Grill, in San Francisco since 1867, prides itself on rudeness, burned bacon, and bland seafood.... Tujague's in New Orleans started as a worker's lunchroom and still tastes that way--ice-cold, limp lettuce and goopy gumbo.... Anthony's...

The best (really, really) old restaurants in America. (food & drink).(Restaurant Review)
April 1, 2003... MOST RESTAURANTS have a life expectancy slightly shorter than a carton of milk or your average David Spade movie. Theirs is an industry that thrives on novelty and innovation, which is why, every year, we publish "The Best New Restaurants." But...

Two more books for your shelf. (books).(John Haskell's I Am Not Jackson Pollock, James Frey's A Million Little Pieces)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... We think it's a short-story collection, but we're not quite sure. John Haskell's impossible-to-categorize debut, I Am Not Jackson Pollock (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, $20), starring, among others, Orson Welles and a circus elephant, is...

Free at last. (books).(The Innocents)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... The people you see here are not rapists. They are not murderers, kidnappers, or arsonists. But they are ex-convicts, having spent a combined 500 years in prison, the victims of mistaken identity. Because of new advances in DNA evidence, though,...

Confessions of a reluctant Harold Bloom fan. (books).(Hamlet: Poem Unlimited )(Book Review)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... IT IS MAY 2002, and the critic Harold Bloom is in Barcelona to accept a prize. I am also in Barcelona, along with a number of other young American writers. I am told by a radio host that Bloom was asked via translator which young American...

The rules. (style).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... Rule No. 23: If you are a contestant on a dating reality show, you must keep at least one minority around until the second round to prove that you aren't racist. Rule No. 175: The best cinematographers are from Eastern Europe. Rule No. 176: The...

The stain event. (style).(Illustration)
April 1, 2003... With adult bibs sadly out of fashion, the new trend in stain-resistant shirts might come in handy. But just how much do these nanotechnology-enhanced fabrics repel? AS a public service, Esquire put Dockers' Stain Defender cotton shirt ($38;...

Stand-up guys (and the shoes they wear). (style).(Brief Article)(Illustration)
April 1, 2003... With most jobs, the time spent on your butt far exceeds that spent on your feet. Sure, you toddle to the coffee machine or walk over to yell at the intern. That's nothing. On their feet all day, these professionals know podiatric pain, but...

Things a man should know about soccer. (culture).(Bend It Like Beckham comedy)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... The comedy Bend It Like Beckham, a hit in Britain, opens this month in America. The title refers to soccer star David Beckham's ability to spin a free kick so that it mysteriously dips into the goal. Recently, scientists--actual paid...

The 5 raciest video games. (culture).(Buyers Guide)
April 1, 2003... SEX IN VIDEO GAMES IS NOTHING NEW. Twenty years ago, Atari 2600 owners could buy a lurid little cartridge called Custer's Revenge, in which the pantless general negotiated a battlefield of flying arrowheads in order to boink Pocahontas, Kinky,...

Random knowledge from an expert: Cadavers. (Culture).
April 1, 2003... Injections of cadaver tissue are sometimes used in a procedure to lengthen the penis. In the 1800s, dentures were often made from the teeth of dead people who had been dug up and stolen from graveyards. Before embalming became a common...

For the man who doesn't have too much money. (the merchandise).(Volkswagen Touareg)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... One reason to love the Volkswagen Touareg: it's named after a band of nomadic Africans. With the same chassis and many of the same parts as the Porsche Cayenne, the Touareg has power--a quick V-6 and a stout 310 hp V-8 are available--plus...

For the man who has too much money. (the merchandise).(Pioneer Digital Sound Projector)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... We know TV speakers shouldn't cost 40 grand. Except, maybe, this first-of-its-kind Pioneer Digital Sound Projector. Whereas all other surround-sound systems require an army of woofers and tweeters and wires and headaches, the Sound Projector...

For the man who needs taming. (the merchandise).(Kiehl's brand-new Solid Grooming Aid )(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... Wild hair does not belong in the office, unless your office is backstage at the Viper Room. NO, your hair needs discipline, something with a firm grip and a soft touch, like Kiehl's brand-new Solid Grooming Aid ($16, kiehls.com). It's a...

For the man who can abide a smart case with a dumb name. (the merchandise).(the Journalist by Ultimate Direction )(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... Never mind the moniker. With special pockets for a laptop, PDA, cell phone water bottle, even a change of shoes all packed into a superlight, 15-inch-tall shoulder bag, the Journalist by Ultimate Direction is the best carryall for any hack...

For the man who shoots first . (the merchandise).(Sigma SD9 )(Brief Article)(Illustration)
April 1, 2003... Photo snobs have deep contempt for the public's willingness to trade the beauty of film for the convenience of digital cameras. And they used to be right. Digital pics were cold and flat. But no more: Photos from the new Sigma SD9 ($2,239 as...

Four things to say to sound smart this month. (the index).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... (1) I used to think Nabokov had cornered the market on pedophilia in the service of art. And then I saw David Strathairn in Blue Car. (2) Even from the grave Stephen Jay Gould can't stop needling Edward O. Wilson. Gould's posthumous The...

7 ways to be entertained in ... Apr. (the index).
April 1, 2003... The Real-Life Cannonball Run Never has there been a better time to grow a 'stache, invest in a hot set of wheels, and take out an insurance policy. On April 17, Gumball 3000 kicks off its fifth annual rally, coast to coast from San Francisco to...

Driving moccasin. (what to wear now).(Illustration)
April 1, 2003... Although the driving moccasin wouldn't be invented for another thirteen years, William Shatner could have used a pair in 1966, when this photo was taken, to handle his '63 Corvette, Treaded to keep your foot on the pedal but light enough so you...

The driving shoe. (what to wear now).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... Not like Jeff Gordon wears. His sneakers are technical masterpieces. Unfortunately, they look like a cross between your old wrestling shoes and something a gnome might wear. You want shoes that'll grip the pedals of your ride while you're on...

Step X step. (solutions).(Illustration)
April 1, 2003... [Questions: Can I wear white pants to the office? If so, how?] ANSWER: Blended with beiges and browns, white trousers are an excellent post-khakis Friday look, with or without a tie. The Details: Cotton trousers ($175), silk tie ($125), and...

The over-under: the safari jacket. (the style guide).
April 1, 2003... Out of Africa and Into Every Clothing Store in the Country. The safari jacket is bracing for a comeback. The style went civilian after World War I, a knockoff of the summer uniform worn by English soldiers in Africa, then reappeared in the...

Michael Jordan's comeback was about being the Man again, because he's the Man, all the other stuff just fades away. (the game).
April 1, 2003... Michael Jordan's comeback was about being the man again, because when he's the man, all the other stuff just fades away. HE WILL NEVER ADMIT the truth, but the truth is, Michael Jordan's hurting After the clock ran down tonight, he pushed...

Sportswear.(Portable Sport Audio from Nike and Philips)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... IT'S ALL ABOUT WEARABLE TECH these days. Well, maybe not these days, but soon. And for that you can thank the folks at Nike and Philips, who are combining forces to bring us clothes with built-in gadgets, focusing--where else?--on the athlete....

Esquire's first annual Martini invitational. (By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... November 19, 2002: TANQUERAY, STERLING PUBLISHING, and Esquire celebrated the launch of Esquire Drinks: An Opinionated & Irreverent Guide to Drinking, authored by master mixologist David Wondrich. The event, which took place at Chateau Lounge,...

Fashion's 50-yard line. (By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... November 14, 2002: In Tampa, DILLARD'S, MURANO BY RAFFI, and Esquire presented a shopping event featuring Superbowl champion Ronde Barber. The event was hosted by clothing designer Raffi and 1010 Sports Radio personality Ronnie Lane, who emceed...

Grey Goose sponsors a salute to America's best new restaurants. (By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... November 2002: To celebrate America's Best New Restaurants, the annual survey by food and travel correspondent John Mariani, Esquire partnered with GREY GOOSE VODKA to host galas at VIA MATTA restaurant in Boston and KYMA restaurant in Atlanta....

Final four: who's buying Pittsburghs? (The Betting Man).
April 1, 2003... IT'S MARCH: TIME TO BET, This year, let's do it like men. Rip up those photocopied brackets and office pools handicapping the NCAA men's basketball tournament I'm going to teach you to trade the tournament like an options market. It's a type of...

The annotated man: Bill Kazmaier.(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... (Former World's Strongest Man, ESPN commentator, 49) In 1986, the Kaz set a world record for the dumbbell curl: 400 pound. In 1988, the Kaz's triceps ripped completely from the bone. Four months later, he used the same arm to set the...

Multiple choice: golf is a series of decisions. Today, I don't have a clue.(Column)
April 1, 2003... I'M OUT WITH MY BOY JERE, who has trimmed down, hooked up with some clean new Mizuno blades, and started to shoot scores. "It's really happening," he told me in the car. I believe him. It's a Thursday, and I'm out for a look. We've chosen a...

The right stuff.(Column)
April 1, 2003... CURT WAS IN TOWN from overseas, and we decided that he needed to play golf. A spontaneous round of golf, these days, is no problem. Every course in America has rental sets of Steelheads in the bag room. There's always a clean shirt somewhere....

I am Tiger Woods. (The Indoor Game).(EA Sports' Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2003)(Software Review)(Product/Service Evaluation)
April 1, 2003... I am also a 39-year-old white guy with a fat mortgage and a 16 handicap, but for a few hours a night, I am him. In a single night, I have beaten Brad Faxon, Vijay Singh, and Mark O'Meara, as well as loaded the dishwasher and helped my daughter...

My Big Fat Oscar column: Esquire's Alternative Academy Awards. (the screen).(Movie Review)
April 1, 2003... NOT LOOKING GIFT horses in the mouth is my idea of sensible advice, especially when the horse looks like Harvey Weinstein. But however you account for it--an overdue cultural rollover, a newly receptive audience, or the geopolitical pressure...

Q&a: Ray Liotta.(Brief Article)(Interview)
April 1, 2003... >> THIS MONTH, Hollywood's quintessential gritty guy, Ray Liotta, stars as a police detective in Identity, one of the most compelling and complicated thrillers since Murder on the Orient Express. It's a juicy two-hour whodunit set in the spooky...

Pocket tech.(Nintendo's Game Boy Advance SP)(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... STEALTH DORKS, REJOICE! Recognizing that it's slightly humiliating for anyone over the age of 12 to play video games in public, Nintendo's Game Boy Advance SP ($99) delivers thumb fun in a stylish unit that looks like a two-way pager. The flip...

You've got questions, she's got answers. (sex).
April 1, 2003... How do you actually propose S&M? Long gone are the days when Victorian gentlemen would formally request the "pleasure of the company of the lady in the leather zippered hood." Current etiquette dictates that you first present the idea when...

Sex toy of the month. (sex).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... THE WEDGE: If you like sex but hate the lower-back strain that goes with it, try the Wedge! This soft, velvety ass lifter can be used alone or in conjunction with other shapes from the Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear line to build yourself a...

The Derailers' new record, Genuine, proves that country music can be spectacular when it's taken seriously. (music).(Sound Recording Review)
April 1, 2003... THERE'S NOTHING like an hour of Country Music Television to make you feel like an arbiter of high style. Where gaudy $10,000 suits and elegant black boots once reigned, the keys to Nashville now belong to Kenny Chesney, whose puka shells and...

Five more records worth your lunch money. (music).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... Joe Jackson Volume 4 (Reckless/ Rykodisc). With the upcoming 25th anniversary of his first album, Look Sharp!, perpetually underrated new waver Joe Jackson welcomes back his original band. The result is a set of instantly catchy pop tunes...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... 1. Despite our protests, we are secretly amazed and even a little bit jealous of how comfortable you are with your bodies. The kick you get from farting, burping, and scratching is impressive. 2. The sports obsession is not a problem. Go to...

My father the fraud: what would you do if, at thirty-one, you realized that every single thing your father ever told you was a lie? (the lives of men).(Biography)
April 1, 2003... by anomymous I don't know what my father does for a living or how he spends his days, even though he's still married to my mother, even though, until recently, I saw him a couple Sundays a month for brunch. I don't know where he goes when...

The storm took its sweet time building.
April 1, 2003... Some fucking parrot flapped its wings off the coast of Australia, kicking up a whisper that became a breeze that became a gale that whipped its way across the ocean, fattening ripples into swells and rounding up rain clouds and scaring the...

All about women.
April 1, 2003... Her neck, her lips, her underarms, her polite smile, her extreme disgust, her increasingly intense orgasms, her future, her financial savvy, her preference for Dubya, her ambivalence about Eminem. It's all here in Esquire's second annual...

The sexual topography of a woman: somehow, Rand McNally forgot to publish a map of the female body. We took up the slack.
April 1, 2003... EARS Listen, for once: When Esquire asked women to name their most surprisingly erogenous zone, the ear was the clear winner, notching in at 19 percent. The back, thighs, and hair also had strong showings. Two parts you can ignore: calves (2...

The female stereotype truth-o-meter. (Answer Fella).
April 1, 2003... SKIRTS, DOLLS, TWISTS, CHICKS--or, as Nietzsche said, "God's second mistake"--call 'em whatever, however demeaning, but know this: We'll never escape our ignorance and fear of the Others without a bedrock understanding built upon hearsay,...

How to read your wife's face.
April 1, 2003... FOR THE PAST FORTY YEARS, Paul Ekman has done almost nothing but look at faces. He has found that a) the human face contains forty-four muscles that allow us to express emotion, and b) the flexing and relaxing of these muscles creates more than...

The woman of tomorrow: we've gazed into the future and, well, we've got some good news and some bad news. (All About Women).
April 1, 2003... She will be smarter than you. Women, who have always thought of men as slightly sharper than bonobo monkeys, are now making it official. The education gap is growing: women now make up 56 percent of the population at America's colleges,...

How it's made.
April 1, 2003... HERE HANG THE BEST OF THE CLASSIC SUMMER SUITS, a neutral parade of beiges and browns in cotton, linen, and silk. Sure, creases will happen, but when the temperature jumps above 80 and you've got to put a suit on, wrinkles beat dripping sweat...

The confessions of Bob Greene: how far can a man fall? Imagine very far--and then, in the case of this man, keep going.(life and tragedy of journalist)
April 1, 2003... ALL YOU'VE GOT IS YOU NAME, THE LOST MAN SAID IN A LOST VOICE. Things for which his name had once stood would never entirely be the same things again--that is what he told himself, that is what he wished not to believe while believing it...

The particulars: from his watch to his cuffs to the phone itself: every time a man lifts his mobile to his ear, he speaks volumes. (Esquire style).(Illustration)
April 1, 2003... A composite: the shades, the shag, the silver watch, and the T720, Motorola's full-color phone, PDA, and messaging master. One-button single-breasted cotton suit ($2,171) by Roberto Cavalli; cotton shirt ($125) by Piombo; sunglasses ($200) by...

State of the union.(restoration and storage of documents related to founding of United States; legal interpretation of civil rights provided in documents)
April 1, 2003... The United States Constitution went missing from the Rotunda of the National Archives in July 2001. Its disappearance is an easy metaphor for the restrictions on our civil liberties that war has made possible--some say necessary. While the...

What I've learned: Alex Trebek [Jeopardy! Host, 62, Los Angeles].
April 1, 2003... [Jeopardy! Host 62, Los Angeles] Ours is a quiz show, not a game show. I'm curious about everything. Even subjects that don't interest me. Take your job seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously. People ask me, "How...

7 signs we're in a recovery & what to do about it.(economic conditions)
April 1, 2003... I AM THRILLED about the prospects for the American stock market for the first time in a long time. The Dow at 8,000, war in the East, fear of terrorism at home, blue chips going bankrupt, gold and gasoline at marked highs, unemployment up, and...

Don't buy that house.(house prices expected to fall)
April 1, 2003... THE COMBINATION of a brisk resale market, low interest rates, and the rush to refinance has a lot of homeowners feeling flush. To some, those tiny rates and boiling prices, compared with anemic stock-portfolio returns, justify buying a second...

Damian Lewis is the all-American actor...except he's actually not American at all. (Esquire style).(Brief Article)
April 1, 2003... WELL, SURE, YEAH, he spent a little time with relatives in Connecticut and Chicago and various other American places during various summers of his youth. So, yes, Damian Lewis (native of London) caught the Yank accent in his formative...

The border of fallen bodies: alive and dead together. Or were they just pretending? (ESQ Fiction).(Fictional Work)
April 1, 2003... Steam came venting from a manhole through a tall blue stack. The most common sight, Eric thought, but beautiful now, carrying the strangeness, the indecipherability of a thing seen new, steam heaving from the urban earth, nearly apparitional....

The 2003 Esquire book of world records for men. (this way out).
April 1, 2003... Most times checking answering machine in ten-minute span to see if girl (who doesn't like him) has called: 67, Mark Trietel of Milwaukee. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Longest time spent at a tollbooth fishing through his pockets for change:...